Honestly I wasn’t going to be writing anything up for at least a few days. I myself am nursing a bit of a tummy ache due to some over-indulging on amazing foods the last few days. Thankfully due to my Kratom tea and Juice Plus I can easily say this is the first true year I did not get sick. Don’t get me wrong, the sickness TRIED with all of its ugly might to get to me, but I really believe my immune system is getting stronger each day. And being off of all my meds, this is indeed a miracle.
This holiday proved to be very nice and rather quiet. We didn’t have my step-son on Christmas morning as this was his year to spend with his Mom. So, it was just Scott, Timmy and I to see what Santa left under the tree. While I watched with a big smile on my face as my son opened his gifts, I noticed something for the first time (I love when that happens), that I wanted to share. It was a feeling of some sort, that I pretty much ignored until I got into my car to come home from Christmas dinner. I wasn’t sure if anyone else feels this way, or at the very least, have a modicum of an idea of what I’m talking about. But I thought it was definitely worth sharing.
Even with growing up in the household I did, where Christmas was literally THE BIGGEST thing to celebrate in my family, and even with all the giggles and joyful glees from the previous years even up to today when hugging my Mom and kissing her and loving the fact I got to celebrate Christmas at home with my family this year (Scott and I alternate each year), something was definitely changed.
I noticed that my “holiday” spirit wasn’t really there. Well, not like other years, at least. I always found myself around Christmas Eve through Christmas Day to be in such a state of such anxious happiness that at times I couldn’t contain myself (when I was 10 I threw up all night because my body couldn’t handle the nervous excitement I was going through), and it was profound enough for me to notice I didn’t have that this year. Why? Nothing much has changed. In fact, financially we are a bit sounder than we have been in years. But, as I was driving home from my Mom and Dad’s this afternoon, I realized I was thinking about how much I was looking forward to taking down the decorations. But not for the reasons many would assume. With society needing this almost perverted way to incorporate the Christmas commercialism of gifts and decorations galore earlier and earlier each passing year, many people tend to find themselves wanting to tear down the holiday décor and get back to ordinary time as soon as the gifts are unwrapped and before the dinner is digested. So, I thought about that, and it wasn’t that reason either. It really started bothering me that I just didn’t feel any type of emotion of why THAT “spirit” wasn’t within me. I was so happy, but not like I had been in previous years.
And then it dawned on me: See, I AM happy. The “spirit” within me never left. In fact, it’s very much there. What I didn’t realize is that the spirit within me has moved through me so much, that I can’t really determine what the “Christmas” spirit is anymore. Because I celebrate life every day. So, today was just like any other day, and I realize it doesn’t need to be “extra” special just because people observe the birth of Jesus, or the returning of the Sun, or whatever reason people celebrate this time of year. For me, the spirit is ALWAYS in me, so there’s no need to have the “Christmas” spirit, because it lives through me every minute of every day. I can’t tell anymore! How crazy is that????
I am relaxed. Happy. Blissful. Hopeful. And in love with life. I realized today I don’t need any specific holiday to get me into a special spirit. Because the spirit and I are finally one, and it is indeed special.
I can sure celebrate every holiday like I do each year, but now I have a better understanding of myself, knowing full well that although the holidays gives us that “special” spirit, because that spirit lives and thrives within me continually, EVERY day is a holiday to me.
And that’s the fact, Jack.