HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
Okay. So check this out:
Over the course of the last month and the last time I posted something here (yes, you read it, MONTH), I have typed out about 6 blogs. SIX. Not one of them have been posted to my site.
Um, hello? Knock knock? Bridget? Whatcha doing over there?
Yeah. I know. I have been stagnant like 30 day old untreated pool water. Yuck.
(me pretty much everyday)
What gives? It’s a good question. I appreciate the emails from some of my readers asking me where I was, if I was okay….etc. etc…I could easily tell you I’m fine…life is swell.
Truth is…it’s not. And that’s OKAY!
(yes, I have been incredibly anti-social lately)
I wish I could be Miss Happy Girl 24/7, and don’t get me wrong, I really DO everything I can to achieve that on a daily basis.
But, something’s up. And I know what it is. Right now, I’m going to keep it to myself until I feel it is the right time to throw it out for discussion.
There is nothing…and I really mean this…NOTHING, more heartbreaking than having a certain dream of something and knowing full well it is NEVER going to come true. In regards to my life, this goes in two different directions, but with similar things related to the main idea. It sucks. Truly. But having this knowledge does give me a sense of power, because at least I know, I can work around it. Or better yet, FIX IT.
Over the course of this last month, though, I have been going through the natural stages of grief. This came with some humbling knowledge that things I thought in my head were a certain way, were in fact, very much the opposite.
Truth is, the goals I had 10 years ago are nowhere NEAR the goals I have today. Heck, the goals I had 1 year ago no longer serve me as goal-worthy. Not because I can’t achieve it; truth be told, you can achieve anything if you set your heart out to it…no, it’s because I no longer care, support, nor want to be a part of that anymore.
Kinda of like when you were a kid, and had a certain way of handling your things, or even just living your life, and then one day, you realize you’re no longer a kid, and that your desires are more “grown-up” and the kid-stuff no longer applies to you.
Here’s the thing: You don’t have to be going through puberty to understand this philosophy.
As humans, we naturally evolve based on our habitat, culture, and generation we are applied to. Just as fads and trends change with each passing decade, so do your thoughts, feelings, and ideaology as well. It’s what makes us such amazing beings.
Last year, in fact, sometime around this part of the day on December 31st, I sat down in my little apartment and wrote out a piece of paper that had the following things:
GOALS FOR 2015
Continue down the path of authenticity
Buy a new house
The good news is, I achieved each one of these very goals. YAY ME!
The bad news is, I’ve got a LONG way to go….
So, in order to really really achieve my authentic self, my blogging, my marriage, and my new home, I have to make a change.
I know what this change is. I feel it so strongly that I opened up to my parents, my husband, one of my Uncles and my best friend. Yeah, I don’t screw around…when making big changes, you don’t want those you are close to to be completely thrown off course. Believe it or not, even if no one else has a right to dictate how you live, it is always a courtesey to make sure they at least KNOW what you are planning. The shock value has all but disappeared, therefore creating less drama in your life.
So, in light of my last blog and the things I’ve experienced the last few months, I’ve decided I’m making only ONE goal this year. But oh boy, it’s a big one. Look, I don’t like being a tease, and my readers know that one of the best forms of authenticity is it be as transparent as you can be. Right now, I have a lot of things I need to think about. My decisions I make at my age are never made in haste and are NEVER taken lightly. But the thing is, the result of this goal is going to help continue to achieve the happiness and well-being of all the other goals I’ve ever set on.
Truly, just writing this all out makes my decisions more real, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to chicken out on making my dreams come true.
No matter how crazy or unbelievable they are.
The last few decisions I made for myself that had the same desire surge from within me was knowing I wanted to marry my husband, buy a house, and walk away from certain people that no longer serve me. Each one of those things has brought me nothing but blissful peace.
I can do this. Hell yeah. I’m so gonna do this!
Much Bohemian Love,