I know I know, it’s been awhile since I’ve posted here. Let’s just say the muse went on a vacation and she took a major sabbatical from my brain. I don’t blame her.
Sitting here on this Sunday morning, I am looking around at all the trees, and noticing so many of them are still very green with most of their leaves still going strong. And it’s October 30th *actually, it’s November 5th, it’s been a week since I typed this up and now I’m just getting to finish it *. A bit unusual for this time of year, as the ending of the autumn season usually accompanies the falling of the leaves. By early November, almost all the trees are bare. *actually, the trees are finally starting to change, and I have pictures of last Sunday versus this Sunday and see how they changed within 1 week* And people say climate change isn’t real. If people would stop for just a moment to see what our Earth is doing, they might actually agree.
(Our Sugar Maple)
(The Walnut Tree next door)
Change is everywhere in the air. I am able to understand a little better now why I am feeling the blues hit me a little earlier than my normal time (which is usually between end of December to beginning of March). The last time I felt the blues come on this early was 2008. I was right on the cusp of a major life change. The difference now than where I was in 2008, was that I am aware of the change. Back then, my ego was still running the show, the MC of my life, so it allowed me blissful ignorance while I was doing my day to day activities.
The last few days I had been going over the life changes that were in store for me at the time I was unaware. Who I was in 2008, is no longer on this plane of existence. Like a leaf blowing in the wind before its final journey from tree to grass is complete, I said goodbye to that Bridget I once was. Selfish, immature, narcissistic, egocentric, and living in the world of victim-hood, shedding those facets that made up of who I was, was challenging yet liberating. I truly believed that once I shed that skin, the real Bridget would be out and I would then live my days in this new frame of existence.
How silly I was to think that was to be the last change!
Yes, its true, we shed physically every 7-9 years. Astrologically speaking, we go through major changes every 17-19 years. Right now I’m smack in the middle of my second nodal return. Changes I am going through are enough to keep me on my toes. Honestly, up until a few weeks ago, I thought I was in a good place in all areas of my life. Sure, there is ALWAYS room for improvement, but I guess I thought the majority of my life was pretty much it, and I was pretty content with that knowledge. Who would have thought my ego was still peeking through?
I have learned through grace and humility that ego does not like to be wrong. It wants to win every time. Ego will fight when you try to change. That’s all ego knows. Instead of fighting the ego, love it. Bless it. Acknowledge it. Then keep moving. Spending more and more time with ego will cause backwards thinking, stagnancy and despair. I know because I’ve done it. That “Stuck” feeling we get from time to time? Depression? Anxiety? That’s all ego is. When we step away from it, we come closer to our true selves.
If you are a follower of me on Social Media, then you probably saw a post not too long ago about me feeling a shift of my Spirituality. For almost 2 decades, I have felt a kinship and a love for Earth Spirituality. Being in Communion with God out in Nature proved to be one of the most intense and deep loves that I felt in a long time. When I officially walked away from the Catholic Church on December 21, 2012, I truly believed I found where I was supposed to be. I studied so many religions and faiths over the years, Earth Spirituality was most definitely *the* path I felt called to be a part of. And for over 20 years, it’s where my heart lied. Until recently.
Now, don’t get me wrong, my heart still lies there, just like it still lies with Catholicism in some ways. When you emerge and align your body, mind and soul with a particular faith, you go all in. Your whole world becomes taken over by it. It’s literally like falling in love with someone. Butterflies, a longing to be a part of them in every way. I truly believe that’s how a person feels when they delve into a life change they have been craving to be a part of. All the endorphins are finally released, creating a euphoric high within you.
This is precisely how I have been feeling when I allowed myself to dive into Hinduism.
What’s funny, is that for some time now, there were signs that I never bothered to take notice of. From listening to Hindu music, Bollywood, just my overall love for Indian culture, yoga, meditation, Tibetan prayer flags (both Hindu and Buddhist) at home and at work, my sudden love for Lakshmi. Buddhas all around my home and at work (yes I know that’s Buddhist but humor me here). Yes, the signs WERE there. But I chose not to listen or look at them. I had always been interested in Eastern Religions, as they go further back than Christianity and most other modern day religions. But lately, Hinduism has been catching my eye, and most importantly, my heart. Would you believe who I found in Hinduism?
(Yup, that’s right….that’s Jesus)
The only thing I’m not sure if I feel comfortable with is the idea of an incarnation of Shiva, or Guru. It’s different from being a Karmapa (a living incarnation of Buddha). There are many representations of Shiva who are considered enlightened Masters or Swami’s. Sadly, I have read many of them have controversies that are aligned with them. From overcharging people for retreats/enlightenment courses (some can run around $10,000 a week), to sexual assault, and deception. I learned long ago that all religions have their bad eggs, so I shouldn’t be surprised by what I found. One teacher I have found I feel connected to, and although his name isn’t without some controversy (that later proved to be false so please don’t go trying to dig stuff up, I already did my research), he came into my dreams this past week and told me to come to his Ashram.
(Paramahamsa Sri Nithyananda otherwise known as Swamiji)
I was like, “What the heck is an Ashram?” I had to Google it when I got up the next morning, and found it was a monastic community-like place where you go to pray with him. I’ve been reading up on his words and teachings, watching his videos, and quite frankly, there’s so much that he says that correlates with Jesus, it’s almost freaky to think they are kindred souls. What I found was fascinating. So many people have the impressions that Hindus believe and worship idols. They do not. They believe in ONE God. One Divine Creator. And within God, there are many dieties, enlightened masters, gurus, teachers, however you want to call them, that are the physical representations of God. That they ask not to be worshipped, but to be called upon to help aid in our prayers going to God. Sounds a lot like the Saints and Angels, doesn’t it? The fact remains is that even practicing Earth Spirituality, I found Jesus, who has always been there since Day 1. Moving onto a new path, I find Him again. How Lakshmi is the representation of the Blessed Mother. Different culture, same soul. Does it mean I need to go back to Catholicism? Heck no. I love that I can continue to explore my profound and devout love through different cultures and different paths. As I’ve said so many times, there are MANY paths to the top of the same mountain.
In the end, I feel that my journey in life is taking me down a new road. I do not know if it will pan out, but I do know that in order for me to know, I need to do the walk. Bless.