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Change…

I know I know, it’s been awhile since I’ve posted here.  Let’s just say the muse went on a vacation and she took a major sabbatical from my brain.  I don’t blame her.

Sitting here on this Sunday morning, I am looking around at all the trees, and noticing so many of them are still very green with most of their leaves still going strong.  And it’s October 30th *actually, it’s November 5th, it’s been a week since I typed this up and now I’m just getting to finish it *.  A bit unusual for this time of year, as the ending of the autumn season usually accompanies the falling of the leaves.  By early November, almost all the trees are bare. *actually, the trees are finally starting to change, and I have pictures of last Sunday versus this Sunday and see how they changed within 1 week*  And people say climate change isn’t real.  If people would stop for just a moment to see what our Earth is doing, they might actually agree.

(Our Sugar Maple)

(The Walnut Tree next door)

Change is everywhere in the air.  I am able to understand a little better now why I am feeling the blues hit me a little earlier than my normal time (which is usually between end of December to beginning of March).  The last time I felt the blues come on this early was 2008.  I was right on the cusp of a major life change.  The difference now than where I was in 2008, was that I am aware of the change.  Back then, my ego was still running the show, the MC of my life, so it allowed me blissful ignorance while I was doing my day to day activities.

The last few days I had been going over the life changes that were in store for me at the time I was unaware.  Who I was in 2008, is no longer on this plane of existence.  Like a leaf blowing in the wind before its final journey from tree to grass is complete, I said goodbye to that Bridget I once was.  Selfish, immature, narcissistic, egocentric, and living in the world of victim-hood, shedding those facets that made up of who I was, was challenging yet liberating.  I truly believed that once I shed that skin, the real Bridget would be out and I would then live my days in this new frame of existence.

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How silly I was to think that was to be the last change!

Yes, its true, we shed physically every 7-9 years.  Astrologically speaking, we go through major changes every 17-19 years.  Right now I’m smack in the middle of my second nodal return.  Changes I am going through are enough to keep me on my toes.  Honestly, up until a few weeks ago, I thought I was in a good place in all areas of my life.  Sure, there is ALWAYS room for improvement, but I guess I thought the majority of my life was pretty much it, and I was pretty content with that knowledge.  Who would have thought my ego was still peeking through?

I have learned through grace and humility that ego does not like to be wrong.  It wants to win every time.  Ego will fight when you try to change.  That’s all ego knows.  Instead of fighting the ego, love it.  Bless it.  Acknowledge it.  Then keep moving.  Spending more and more time with ego will cause backwards thinking, stagnancy and despair.  I know because I’ve done it.  That “Stuck” feeling we get from time to time?  Depression?  Anxiety?  That’s all ego is.  When we step away from it, we come closer to our true selves.

If you are a follower of me on Social Media, then you probably saw a post not too long ago about me feeling a shift of my Spirituality.  For almost 2 decades, I have felt a kinship and a love for Earth Spirituality.  Being in Communion with God out in Nature proved to be one of the most intense and deep loves that I felt in a long time.  When I officially walked away from the Catholic Church on December 21, 2012, I truly believed I found where I was supposed to be.  I studied so many religions and faiths over the years, Earth Spirituality was most definitely *the* path I felt called to be a part of.  And for over 20 years, it’s where my heart lied.  Until recently.

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Now, don’t get me wrong, my heart still lies there, just like it still lies with Catholicism in some ways.  When you emerge and align your body, mind and soul with a particular faith, you go all in.  Your whole world becomes taken over by it.  It’s literally like falling in love with someone.  Butterflies, a longing to be a part of them in every way.  I truly believe that’s how a person feels when they delve into a life change they have been craving to be a part of.  All the endorphins are finally released, creating a euphoric high within you.

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This is precisely how I have been feeling when I allowed myself to dive into Hinduism.

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What’s funny, is that for some time now, there were signs that I never bothered to take notice of.  From listening to Hindu music, Bollywood, just my overall love for Indian culture, yoga, meditation, Tibetan prayer flags (both Hindu and Buddhist) at home and at work, my sudden love for Lakshmi. Buddhas all around my home and at work (yes I know that’s Buddhist but humor me here).  Yes, the signs WERE there.  But I chose not to listen or look at them.  I had always been interested in Eastern Religions, as they go further back than Christianity and most other modern day religions.  But lately, Hinduism has been catching my eye, and most importantly, my heart.  Would you believe who I found in Hinduism?

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(Yup, that’s right….that’s Jesus)

The only thing I’m not sure if I feel comfortable with is the idea of an incarnation of Shiva, or Guru.  It’s different from being a Karmapa (a living incarnation of Buddha). There are many representations of Shiva who are considered enlightened Masters or Swami’s.  Sadly, I have read many of them have controversies that are aligned with them.  From overcharging people for retreats/enlightenment courses (some can run around $10,000 a week), to sexual assault, and deception.  I learned long ago that all religions have their bad eggs, so I shouldn’t be surprised by what I found.  One teacher I have found I feel connected to, and although his name isn’t without some controversy (that later proved to be false so please don’t go trying to dig stuff up, I already did my research), he came into my dreams this past week and told me to come to his Ashram.

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(Paramahamsa Sri Nithyananda otherwise known as Swamiji)

I was like, “What the heck is an Ashram?”  I had to Google it when I got up the next morning, and found it was a monastic community-like place where you go to pray with him. I’ve been reading up on his words and teachings, watching his videos, and quite frankly, there’s so much that he says that correlates with Jesus, it’s almost freaky to think they are kindred souls.  What I found was fascinating.  So many people have the impressions that Hindus believe and worship idols.  They do not.  They believe in ONE God.  One Divine Creator.  And within God, there are many dieties, enlightened masters, gurus, teachers, however you want to call them, that are the physical representations of God.  That they ask not to be worshipped, but to be called upon to help aid in our prayers going to God.  Sounds a lot like the Saints and Angels, doesn’t it?  The fact remains is that even practicing Earth Spirituality, I found Jesus, who has always been there since Day 1.  Moving onto a new path, I find Him again.  How Lakshmi is the representation of the Blessed Mother.  Different culture, same soul.  Does it mean I need to go back to Catholicism?  Heck no.  I love that I can continue to explore my profound and devout love through different cultures and different paths.  As I’ve said so many times, there are MANY paths to the top of the same mountain.

In the end, I feel that my journey in life is taking me down a new road.  I do not know if it will pan out, but I do know that in order for me to know, I need to do the walk. Bless.

 

 

 

 

 

The Ascension Series: Fear and Escaping Through the Art of Astral Traveling…

This morning, within a matter of 30 seconds, I read of 8 deaths. 2 by suicide, 5 at the hands of 1 of the suicides, and 1 by the grace of our Creator.  Then I read one of my favorite local pubs had a devastating fire. All this happened yesterday.

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Breathe, Bridget.  Breathe…

The last few nights it seems my soul has been escaping to other dimensions or other places that seem so real, that if I didn’t wake up, I’d probably be OK.  Now, don’t get me wrong, reading those words is not a cry for help for something bigger and deeper brewing inside of me.  No, not at all.  In fact, only 1 time in the whole of my 42 years did I ever question my mortality.  I actually love my life, and looking forward to living much more of it.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to escape from time to time. Especially when I read things like what I read this morning, I’d do anything to just close my eyes and go somewhere else.

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Over the last several years, I have been experiencing what you would call, “otherworldly” dreams and astral traveling.  If you’ve never astral traveled, you’re missing out.  There is nothing more liberating and thrilling than allowing your soul, still tethered to your body, to lift up and out, while it travels to places unknown that your physical body cannot go to yet.

In the beginning, I remember going up to my ceiling, and going out as far as my living room.  It’s frightful in the beginning, because I felt these tingling sensations, almost like sleep paralysis, but I knew that if I moved, I would be brought right back into my body.  No, I needed to venture out.  My soul knew deep inside there was more than the 3 dimensional prison we have been placed inside, with so many of us truly believing that THIS is our only home, that this is where we should be and we can never ever leave. That this indeed, was all we had. Sadly, there are still millions of people in our world that believe that. They are sleeping soundly, and seeing the continued war, political prowess, and evil doings within our humanity, it’s a wonder our higher selves and spiritual guides are at times, hesitant to come forth.

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If you are just reading this for the first time and you are saying to yourself, “what makes you think I’m sleeping?  Just because I don’t believe in this crap you talk about doesn’t mean I’m ‘sleeping’…”

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Well, my dear one…you are.
And really, I am SO sorry to tell you that.

Look, I want you to think about something.

Why do you believe we are the only ones out there?  Why do you believe no one more powerful isn’t hiding things from us?  Why do you believe that we have to “obey” and “consume” in order to survive? Here’s a word for you that I am thinking is very important in your vocabulary.

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FEAR.
Fear, my child, is the very essence to why so many humans are still “sleeping”. We have been driven in this world by fear. Fear of the unknown.  Fear of difference. Fear of change. The people who run this world drive this home to each and every one of us by things like food, drink, medicine, media, money, and so much more.

Monsanto is good for you, why?  Because they are the only ones who can feed you at this point.  Medicine is good for you, why?  Because they are the only ones who can make you FEEL better.  War is good, why? Because those people are different, and therefore bad and we are all the same, therefore we are good, and therefore we have to drive the bad out.
We live in a world of FEAR.  Our lives are controlled by FEAR. And allowing yourself to remain fearful of these very things, are what keeps these people in power, STAY in power. I mean, look at my news feed for example.  In 30 seconds, I learned of EIGHT deaths.  Fear of death is the most feared thing in our world.  Why?  Because we learned at a young age that death means separation.  Death means change.  Death means sadness.  And human being thrive on being together, all being the same, all being happy.  So, those in power FEED us with fear.  Hoping that we stay right where we are at.
I no longer follow this way any longer.  I decided to change.  I decided to be different.  I decided to create rather than consume. I decided to look at fear in the face and say, NOT TODAY.
So, I learned how to escape.  Not with alcohol or drugs, not with sex or gluttonous food or frivolous spending. No, I went deeper.  I went right to the heart of my humanity.  I went to my soul.  And I told my soul, “Let’s go somewhere.  Let’s get outta here for a bit.”

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And so I did.  I started dreaming. I started allowing my body to release that fear by allowing my soul to break away from my body and explore what I craved to understand. And the moment I decided to let this happen, magic came into my life.  It’s been so many years since I started this, I can’t really pinpoint the exact date.  But I DO know, that as I grow older, my soul grows wiser, and I find myself exploring different worlds, different dimensions, different universes.  I started learning about my own soul’s ascension, lion’s gate and other portals into the universal consciousness.  WE ARE LOVE.

So why do we fear?  If there was a time to break away from this fear pattern, this would be now.  I did it.  And for those that know me, if I can do it, ANYONE can. I’m about as hard headed as they come. But I did it, and it’s a freedom that sometimes can be SO overwhelming I just start crying.

Last night my soul escaped to another plane of consciousness.  It felt like I was on a spaceship, but was like another Earth.  I was told I was STILL on Earth, but on a different dimension.  It felt like I was thousands of miles away from my home, my bed, my life, my world. I remember the ONLY thing I felt pain was the distance between me and my son.  I wanted him there with me, and made it clear to the people in charge of this ship that I wanted him there.  The assured me my son was fine, and that he WOULD be fine.  They told me they wanted me to stay.  I told them I could not stay forever, but that I would stay for awhile.  I explored the ship, which felt like a cross between a hospital, a home and a school. I walked outside of the “commander” office, and wanted to explore everything.  I walked into what seemed like bedrooms, bathrooms, and long hallways.  I looked outside and saw trees and grass with shades of green that I’ve never seen before. It was as if everything was iridescent, or metallic in nature.  So pristine, so beautiful. I was feeling sick and very worried that my son Tim wasn’t with me, so they told me to drink this water and it would make me better.  The water was clearer than anything water I’d ever seen in my life. It made me feel energized and motivated.

I remember being told to go visit my parents.  I hopped on a spaceship and ever so smoothly, glided through the black vastness of space, towards an area that had these homes that were built up, almost as if they were floating in the sky. I recognized this home as my parents home, and proceeded to dock my ship.  I had with me my husband and 3 children, but they were little girls. As I approached their doors, I saw people laying in lounge chairs outside, as my Dad came towards me, I saw my Mom helping one of the people laying on the chairs. He kissed and hugged me, and told me that they were caring for refugees from another planet, who came here for solace from a war that was going on. I then realized it was MY Earth they were talking about.  They looked so sick.  My Mom was feeding them that water I had on the command ship. My Dad told me to go upstairs and seek refuge from the impending storm coming through.  The 5 of us went upstairs and found a bedroom with 4 twin beds.  The three girls pushed their beds together to create one gigantic bed, while my husband and I tried to figure out how we would sleep with just one twin bed.  I remember walking about my parents home, and seeing that so much of it was not being used.  Blank walls, furniture under white sheets, very stark. But all I kept thinking about was my son.

Before I knew it, I was back on the command ship, and realized I missed my son TOO much, and next thing I knew, I felt myself open my eyes and I realized I was in my bed, laying next to my husband, and my son was standing above me going, “Good morning Mom”.  It was 9:48 AM today. (Sunday)

I laid in bed, feeling a little sad about leaving where I was, but grateful I got to look into my son’s big brown eyes. Fear still lives within me.  The fear of separation. I learned long ago my son is a much more advanced soul, an incredibly old one for that matter, and that he is here to teach me many many lessons. He is a soul family member, as is my Godson, Brandon.  I still try to figure out who is in my soul family, and who are just passers by in this life of mine.  I truly hate having that fear of separation. And I think these trips I am taking is helping me understand that separation isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  But right now, I’m grateful I don’t have it. I need my son in my life like a person needs air to breathe.

So although I can escape my realities to explore others, in the end, and right now, THIS is my home. And in understanding that, I need to learn to NOT fear while being here. But let me tell you, it sure is fun to get away every now and then. 😉

If you are interested in learning more about astral traveling, different dimensions and other planets/universes, please feel free to contact me.

Namaste,

Bridget

The Demon Within…

One of the biggest things I deal with during this particular time of the year is the big D.  Most people know what I speak of, and I’m sure many of you are sitting on the other side of your computer nodding in complete and utter understanding.

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Depression, as many know, is when a chemical imbalance in our brains result in a disruption of some-sort, creating a sort of chaos in our bodies that causes hopelessness. Most times, depression is the result of a tragedy a person experiences, whether it be a death, break-up, or any of loss of “something”….Sometimes, in my case, it could be just a simple explanation of the weather 5 feet from me.  It is one of my biggest struggles I face with in life, and every year I pray and pray that somewhere, somehow, this feeling of sadness would end.

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So, let’s talk about Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)….

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It goes without saying that everyone, both of human and animal alike, NEED sunlight.  The vitamins coming from the sun gives off so much energy and a pulse of life itself, there is no wonder why people love to “Sun bathe”.  Sadly, for me, I’m a Celt by blood.  A mixture of Irish, English, Scottish, and German.  So, putting my pasty self outside for more than a few moments will cause my skin to scream.  But that doesn’t mean I don’t love to be out in the sun.  It’s why I am a morning person, so to speak…(I say that because during the Monday-Friday deal, I’m not really worth talking to in the morning, but that’s a whole other story LOL)

In the Northern Hemisphere, at the time of Litha, otherwise known as Midsummer or the Summer Solstice, the Sun is at his prime, beaming down with such veracity, it even finds the shadiest of places.  But sadly, after that prime day of days, the Sun begins its fall.  And within 6 months, the Sun, although still shining, does not have the luster and awe that we had just a few months before.  For many people, this time is the beginning of Winter.  And we start our slow climb back to the manifestation of the gifts the Sun gives us in the Spring and Summer.

So, during the time after the holiday and New Year season ends, there is a period of silence.  Nothing really happens until the next little break, which is Valentine’s Day.  And then, after that, is the Spring Equinox, Ostara, or as many know it to be, Easter.

What do we do during this period?  Well, for me, I kind of go crazy and start cleaning and regrouping my life, creating goals for the warmer weather to come, all while taking care of my mind, body and soul, who is sadly ill-at-ease over the lack of warm sunlight, growth and overall life.

It’s why I love living myself according to the Celtic Seasonal Calendar.  It makes sense for me, because I always was like a month early to prepare for each season/holiday.  In just a few weeks, MY Winter will be over.  On February 1st, I celebrate the feast day of St. Bridget, who holds the keys of the kingdom for my favorite Season: Spring.

February 1st in the Celtic Calendar is the Season of Imbolc (Pronounced IMM-OLCK).  It is the beginning of the Springtime, the time where our Mother Earth is stirring and beginning her slow process of “waking up”.  Just as we, each morning, open our eyes, stretch our arms and legs, and get reacquainted with the morning and the light, so does Mother Earth.  The soil, through its Winter hibernation, begins to warm up, allowing the seeds within the soil to take heed and blossom.  One of the greatest gifts we can get in the Early Springtime are Crocuses.  They are Mother Nature’s quiet little trumpets, usually peeking up within the snow and cold ground, alerting us all that warm weather IS coming back.  That is the beauty of this planet.  Of where I live.  We know Spring follows Winter.  It’s how life is.

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So, what do I do in the meantime?  Even as I type this out, on this lazy Sunday morning, I feel sad.  Sad because going outside would require me to bundle up because the air is SO cold, it would actually hurt my skin.  Make my eyes water.  Even the “smell” of life, is not there.

What makes me gaga over being outside?  Feeling the grass beneath my bare feet.  Smelling the seasonal flowers breezing through the air.  Seeing the magnificent trees, shrubs and bushes blossom with beautiful green leaves…In the Celtic myths, Autumn and Winter meant Jack Frost was out and about, dropping hints of frost and ice among everything alive, telling them it’s time to die or go to sleep….In the Spring and Summer Months, Jack in the Green is our go-to guy.  He is the one who warms the skies and the Earth, and instead of frost, we have beautiful droppings of dew.

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(one of MANY Jack in the Green Parades held every year in Europe)

This is what makes my pulse quicken, my heart smile and my soul beam.  Warmth, light….like Persephone feeling so out of touch down in the Underworld, where she could not use her Gift with the Living World, and patiently waited until it was time for her to go back up, and be among the Living again, to feel the warmth of the Sun on her skin…Yes, I feel the exact same way.

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Since going off all Depression and Anxiety medicine, and opting for my Kratom intake, I can honestly say it hasn’t been TOO smooth sailing.  Of course it would be easy for me to put some chemicals into my body and numb myself…but it would be a disservice to me to do so.  I know not everyone agrees with me on that.  I always welcome other’s opinions and ideas…it’s just…it’s not for me.  I’ve been very careful over the last several years to deal with my addiction to pain killers…and for someone like me who is always in some kind of pain, it’s an easy excuse for me to pop a pill and call it a day.

No, as much as times like these where I wish I had something to numb my physical and emotional pain of the Winter, I know that in the end, it helps me SEE who I really am, because I am completely bare and open to the senses entirely.  I feel things now more than I ever have.  So, yes, the depression sucks.  But I also know, that there are times I feel such immense joy, that knowing I wouldn’t even feel an inch of that when trying to control my depression with medicine, gives me the honest knowing that I’m doing the right thing.

Don’t get me wrong:  I think about taking something every day.  Even right now, I feel incredibly blue (Get it?  Winter “blues”?) and staring at the walls may be what I need right now to numb the sadness of the lack of life outside….

This depression began in 2001.  And slowly progressed as the years went on…Now that I am in the beginning stages of my body slowing down and turning into the Crone, I feel this even more.

How do I deal with it?  It’s a demon inside of me I deal with every day between Thanksgiving and about Mid-March.  For some people it’s less time, and for others, it’s more.  It feels like the Postpartum depression I had for the first 4 weeks after my son’s birth.  It begins as a nagging feeling, that turns into a feeling of dread.  Dread?  Yup, dread.  It overtakes me like a demon overtakes a human…I cry at everything and anything, I sleep more, I stare more, and I tend to lash out more.  My husband, sons, parents, sisters and closest friends know it the depression talking.  The know this silly little hobbit doesn’t usually act like this, and know how to approach me during my times of struggle.  They know and respect the fact I don’t want chemicals in my body.  They are patient and kind, and allow me the time and patience I need for myself to understand how my body reacts to this rough season.

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(seriously, whoever created these are a GENIUS)

Kratom certainly helps, but, it is just a band aid.  It does NOT take away the full feelings.  But it does lessen the load.  And the best part?  It does not numb me.  If there could be anything that I hate, it is the numbness of my body, mind and soul.  To lose the essence of your life just because there’s a period of time each year where I feel sad, it’s just not enough for me to make that kind of decision.  That’s not for me to judge anyone who DOES.

So, for the next few weeks, I will be quietly tinkering away at my new home.  Putting things in their place, and dealing with the sadness I not only feel for the cold months, but for other things I cannot control.  It’s a continued lesson in humility, and I love that I’m always up for the challenge, no matter how tired and sad I’m feeling at the moment.

What makes me happy during the colder months?

  • Music – Usually Celtic/Irish/Scottish music, 80’s Pop, and some Sacred World music, from either Lisa Thiel, Snatnam Kaur, or Spiral Dance
  • Painting – I am still trying to find my easle, but the moment I do, I’m off!
  • Festivals – There is an amazing Scottish and Irish Festival that happens in February, and it truly lifts up my spirits EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
  • Garden Planning – For the first time since 2007, I will have my own garden again.  Planning it has definitely helped tremendously during this time.
  • Snuggles – My boys know all these need to do is snuggle up to me, it will bring a big smile.  I love my family.
  • Cleaning – I tend to light A LOT of incense that smells of lavender, jasmine, and other springy smells…as well as light lots of candles…and the smell of Pine Sol?  OMG Don’t go there with me…it’s like heaven haha!
  • Ritual – if there is anything I love to do, is to be in ritual with myself.  That time you give to yourself, whether it is meditating, chanting, praying, or even something simple like taking a nice, warm bath…yes, it helps a great deal.

I know there are probably more, but these are the big ones.  Tell me about what you do!  I am always looking for suggestions.

Lots of Hobbit Love,

Bridget