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Change…

I know I know, it’s been awhile since I’ve posted here.  Let’s just say the muse went on a vacation and she took a major sabbatical from my brain.  I don’t blame her.

Sitting here on this Sunday morning, I am looking around at all the trees, and noticing so many of them are still very green with most of their leaves still going strong.  And it’s October 30th *actually, it’s November 5th, it’s been a week since I typed this up and now I’m just getting to finish it *.  A bit unusual for this time of year, as the ending of the autumn season usually accompanies the falling of the leaves.  By early November, almost all the trees are bare. *actually, the trees are finally starting to change, and I have pictures of last Sunday versus this Sunday and see how they changed within 1 week*  And people say climate change isn’t real.  If people would stop for just a moment to see what our Earth is doing, they might actually agree.

(Our Sugar Maple)

(The Walnut Tree next door)

Change is everywhere in the air.  I am able to understand a little better now why I am feeling the blues hit me a little earlier than my normal time (which is usually between end of December to beginning of March).  The last time I felt the blues come on this early was 2008.  I was right on the cusp of a major life change.  The difference now than where I was in 2008, was that I am aware of the change.  Back then, my ego was still running the show, the MC of my life, so it allowed me blissful ignorance while I was doing my day to day activities.

The last few days I had been going over the life changes that were in store for me at the time I was unaware.  Who I was in 2008, is no longer on this plane of existence.  Like a leaf blowing in the wind before its final journey from tree to grass is complete, I said goodbye to that Bridget I once was.  Selfish, immature, narcissistic, egocentric, and living in the world of victim-hood, shedding those facets that made up of who I was, was challenging yet liberating.  I truly believed that once I shed that skin, the real Bridget would be out and I would then live my days in this new frame of existence.

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How silly I was to think that was to be the last change!

Yes, its true, we shed physically every 7-9 years.  Astrologically speaking, we go through major changes every 17-19 years.  Right now I’m smack in the middle of my second nodal return.  Changes I am going through are enough to keep me on my toes.  Honestly, up until a few weeks ago, I thought I was in a good place in all areas of my life.  Sure, there is ALWAYS room for improvement, but I guess I thought the majority of my life was pretty much it, and I was pretty content with that knowledge.  Who would have thought my ego was still peeking through?

I have learned through grace and humility that ego does not like to be wrong.  It wants to win every time.  Ego will fight when you try to change.  That’s all ego knows.  Instead of fighting the ego, love it.  Bless it.  Acknowledge it.  Then keep moving.  Spending more and more time with ego will cause backwards thinking, stagnancy and despair.  I know because I’ve done it.  That “Stuck” feeling we get from time to time?  Depression?  Anxiety?  That’s all ego is.  When we step away from it, we come closer to our true selves.

If you are a follower of me on Social Media, then you probably saw a post not too long ago about me feeling a shift of my Spirituality.  For almost 2 decades, I have felt a kinship and a love for Earth Spirituality.  Being in Communion with God out in Nature proved to be one of the most intense and deep loves that I felt in a long time.  When I officially walked away from the Catholic Church on December 21, 2012, I truly believed I found where I was supposed to be.  I studied so many religions and faiths over the years, Earth Spirituality was most definitely *the* path I felt called to be a part of.  And for over 20 years, it’s where my heart lied.  Until recently.

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Now, don’t get me wrong, my heart still lies there, just like it still lies with Catholicism in some ways.  When you emerge and align your body, mind and soul with a particular faith, you go all in.  Your whole world becomes taken over by it.  It’s literally like falling in love with someone.  Butterflies, a longing to be a part of them in every way.  I truly believe that’s how a person feels when they delve into a life change they have been craving to be a part of.  All the endorphins are finally released, creating a euphoric high within you.

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This is precisely how I have been feeling when I allowed myself to dive into Hinduism.

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What’s funny, is that for some time now, there were signs that I never bothered to take notice of.  From listening to Hindu music, Bollywood, just my overall love for Indian culture, yoga, meditation, Tibetan prayer flags (both Hindu and Buddhist) at home and at work, my sudden love for Lakshmi. Buddhas all around my home and at work (yes I know that’s Buddhist but humor me here).  Yes, the signs WERE there.  But I chose not to listen or look at them.  I had always been interested in Eastern Religions, as they go further back than Christianity and most other modern day religions.  But lately, Hinduism has been catching my eye, and most importantly, my heart.  Would you believe who I found in Hinduism?

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(Yup, that’s right….that’s Jesus)

The only thing I’m not sure if I feel comfortable with is the idea of an incarnation of Shiva, or Guru.  It’s different from being a Karmapa (a living incarnation of Buddha). There are many representations of Shiva who are considered enlightened Masters or Swami’s.  Sadly, I have read many of them have controversies that are aligned with them.  From overcharging people for retreats/enlightenment courses (some can run around $10,000 a week), to sexual assault, and deception.  I learned long ago that all religions have their bad eggs, so I shouldn’t be surprised by what I found.  One teacher I have found I feel connected to, and although his name isn’t without some controversy (that later proved to be false so please don’t go trying to dig stuff up, I already did my research), he came into my dreams this past week and told me to come to his Ashram.

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(Paramahamsa Sri Nithyananda otherwise known as Swamiji)

I was like, “What the heck is an Ashram?”  I had to Google it when I got up the next morning, and found it was a monastic community-like place where you go to pray with him. I’ve been reading up on his words and teachings, watching his videos, and quite frankly, there’s so much that he says that correlates with Jesus, it’s almost freaky to think they are kindred souls.  What I found was fascinating.  So many people have the impressions that Hindus believe and worship idols.  They do not.  They believe in ONE God.  One Divine Creator.  And within God, there are many dieties, enlightened masters, gurus, teachers, however you want to call them, that are the physical representations of God.  That they ask not to be worshipped, but to be called upon to help aid in our prayers going to God.  Sounds a lot like the Saints and Angels, doesn’t it?  The fact remains is that even practicing Earth Spirituality, I found Jesus, who has always been there since Day 1.  Moving onto a new path, I find Him again.  How Lakshmi is the representation of the Blessed Mother.  Different culture, same soul.  Does it mean I need to go back to Catholicism?  Heck no.  I love that I can continue to explore my profound and devout love through different cultures and different paths.  As I’ve said so many times, there are MANY paths to the top of the same mountain.

In the end, I feel that my journey in life is taking me down a new road.  I do not know if it will pan out, but I do know that in order for me to know, I need to do the walk. Bless.

 

 

 

 

 

Nursing the Possibilities…

The last several weekends have been incredibly busy, which has left me doing all sorts of gardening prep and maintenance on the week nights after work, which only provides me with a couple hours of sunlight.

(Potted a little over 70 seed pots, cannot wait to see what comes up! Each side is some Fennel and Calendula)

So, Sunday, I had promised myself that after all was said and done, this day would be the day to continue working with my seedlings, mow the lawn, and even shock the pool. Alas, it doesn’t look like much was going to happen yesterday, as the rain clouds, although not in one big clump, are sparse throughout the area, which is going to result in passing rain showers like every 20 minutes! But, Scott and I were busy-busy at keeping up with Mum Gaia as she spread her light showers. And we were totally okay with that, really. Mother Nature has a job she needs to do, and I firmly believe that we need to let her do it. She can most certainly live without us, however WE cannot live without HER!

(Excited to finally see my Roses and Morning Glories coming in to bloom, and that mystery daisy-looking plant finally flowered, and it’s Fleabane!  How exciting!)

So, the grass was mowed, and I got about 70+ seedlings planted in their starter pots. When I was finished, I stood in front of my little greenhouse, like a hovering new mother looking into the nursery. Maybe that’s why gardens and hospitals call these places “nursery”. We are nursing the things in that room to grow and thrive.


On another note, I’ve been keeping up with what’s going on astrologically. Mercury will be thankfully going out of retrograde status on May 22. But that still leaves 3 others in the retrograde phase. Mars, Saturn and Pluto.

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With Mars, we need to remember this is a good time to SLOW down. When we try hard to make things happen, things can backfire if you are not prepared. And especially with Mars AND Saturn being retrograde, you best remember this will most likely happen. Expect to work a little harder for things. (in my case, that’s just a normal day for me hahaha). And then you’ve got little Pluto out there, reminding us that now is the time to cleanse the inner most part of ourselves. To walk away from things and people who no longer serve our greater good. When you are awake, it can be acutely difficult to be around those who are still in a sleep mode. You continue to love them and wish them peace, but their own lack of ascending is only going to hinder your own journey. Take time to seek within. Sometimes we have to make decisions that may hurt others, but will bring YOU peace. And you know what? Sometimes, you HAVE to make that sacrifice. You cannot be 100% for others if you are not 100% for yourself. I’m not giving you the liberty to make decisions based on selfish desires, but more suggesting you take a hard look at the who’s and what’s in your life that are bringing your soul down. And when the soul ain’t happy, nothing else about you will be either. I know people close to me who are suffering, or making decisions just like this. And as hard as it is for them, it is for the best of all concerned. If anything, that is what these retrogrades are teaching us right now. Slow down, think about what is good in your life and stick with it. Think about what’s bad in your life and let it go. It’s really that simple, even if the action itself is difficult to finish.


I myself have had a lot to think about in the last couple weeks. It doesn’t make it easier that the retrogrades have been causing a bit of a riot in my own life. Things not going right, conversations being skewed, plans being rescheduled, etc etc etc….For me, it relates to a bigger picture in my life. What does one do when every part of your beings KNOWS a change needs to be made, and yet, outside forces and even my own brain is telling me, “no no no, it’s too risky”. To say I’m scared is an understatement. But I know the universe has a way of working things out for the betterment of all, and so I have to trust in it. Deep inside I know this is a time of great possibilities. And I just need to have faith, right?
Great possibilities. Like my garden. I look around, and see so much possibility. The potential for growth, harmony, existence, life and so on…like my own personal journey is reflected into what is the Sacred Gardens. Because my life is sacred. Our planet is Sacred. And my soul is the nursery. Tending and caring for its very existence to grow and thrive in this world.

(Where I am nestled tonight in quietude where the rest of my clan in watching Wrestling in the family room…I choose Enya, candlelight and warmth…Maybe time to make a cup of tea???)

Nature Therapy and the First Generation of the Sacred Gardens of Mabon House…

All I want to do is be at home in my gardens. If there was any addiction I wouldn’t mind having, it is the addiction to being outside in nature. Now, before any finger-pointing people start telling me no addiction is good for you – allow me to explain further. Trust me on this – I am an addict…so I know all about addiction.

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Addiction by definition is “An unusually great interest in something or a need to do or have something.” Over the years, I have been addicted to food and prescription pain medicine.  And because of that, we all know that when you hear someone who is “addicted” to something, one immediately jumps to the conclusion that something is wrong. I am here to tell you that even as an addict, this is not necessarily the case. Coming from an addictive personality myself, I can totally relate to the feeling of needing to have or want something that I crave.

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But that doesn’t necessarily mean that my feelings for that are malignant in nature. I mean, let’s face it – addiction of all kinds CAN be bad. That’s the truth. When you do one thing too much, it tends to lead to isolation from social interaction and impairs normal ranges of judgement. With things like drugs, alcohol, sex, food, continuously plaguing our world, it’s no wonder the word addiction has such a horrible stigma to the name.

And so, I have tried in earnest, to take my addictive personality, and use it towards something healthier. For me, it’s gardening.

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Years ago I had a dream to build a Goddess Permaculture Paradise Plan (or as I like to call it, the GP3 haha).  I never had a name for it until my friend Colette, who is the magical mistress at Bealtaine Cottage ( http://www.bealtainecottage.com ), coined the phrase “Goddess Permaculture Paradise”.  Unfortunately, in 2007, that dream was put on hold when my life was turned upside down and everything I once had, had been taken away from me. Here I am, 9 years later, and my dream is back on with a vengeance. An involuntary sabbatical that left me depressed but also more motivated than ever to refocus on my dream has presented itself in my new home, appropriately named, Mabon House.  If you are just reading my blogs for the first time, my husband Scott and I purchased this home in October 2015.  Since we follow the 8 Earth Festival holidays, we decided to name our home after the holiday we just celebrated, called Mabon, which means “Gratitude and Thanksgiving”.

(A little slice of our home, Mabon House)

Utilizing my friends Colette and Jacqueline (who are truly some of Gaia’s hand maidens) as my muses, I KNOW NOW, I have found my calling. Yup. Who knew? At 42 years old, I FINALLY found my calling.

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(Some areas of Bealtaine Cottage, one of my favorite places on Earth)

So, riddle me this, Hobbits…HOW do I proceed?

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(Mother Moon Monastery and Herb Farm, another favorite place I wish to visit – please check her website at http://www.moonmother.net )

When you are living paycheck to paycheck, it’s actually quite impossible to be “living the dream.” Yet, I cannot tell you how many self-help gurus, books, memes and everything else under the sun tell me that it CAN be done! Truth is, I DO believe this. I believe we are magical, spiritual beings that can do ANYTHING if we truly put our mind to it. And if it doesn’t happen, then it wasn’t meant to be AT THAT MOMENT. It doesn’t mean it won’t happen later down on your road of life. I’m living proof this has happened. And that the universe will surely reward for our love of trying and enduring the trials that come with it. I really do believe this. I teach this to people I mentor. Isn’t it funny though, when the teacher sometimes need to be taught?

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On Mother’s Day, the majority of my afternoon and evening was spent in my gardens. I say gardens because I am planning on having little gardens spread throughout the property.  (Please see my previous video blog on my quick tour around the back gardens).  On the following Tuesday, after an incredibly difficult day, I went to my favorite garden nursery (Renninger’s in Royersford, PA), and went on a little shopping spree since they were having a sale. And less than 30 minutes later, I was back in my gardens, tinkering and toiling. It’s my therapy. My NEEDED therapy.

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What’s in my garden, you ask? Oh dear Hobbits….have I got treats for you!

For the veggies, I’ve got String Beans, Sweet Peas, Russian Kale, Hugh’s Cabbage, Green Cabbage, Spinach, Broccoli, Cauliflower, 3 types of Tomatoes, 2 types of Onion, Leeks, Red Bell and Sweet Banana Peppers, Scallions, Beets, Nastercians, Eggplant, Blue Kale, Potatoes and Carrots.

In the fruit department, I’ve got Raspberries and Strawberries. And soon to be planting seeds from my organic lemons, because…why the hell not?

In the herbal/flower section, I’ve got Calendula, Italian Parsley, Dill, Basil, Sage, Thyme, Sweet Marjoram, Patchouli, Feverfew, Chamomile, Angelica, Lemon Balm, Lemon Verbena, Lavender, Passion Flower, Comfrey, Valerian Root, Purple Deadnettle, Plantain (not the banana type-the medicinal herb type) and Gladioli.

In the tree department I’ve got Dogwoods, Hawthorn (appropriated named The Fairy Wood), and Crab Apples. My Willow cuttings from Bealtaine Cottage in Ireland sadly didn’t make it over the winter, mainly because Linus pulled them out and ate them. Sigh…a little rascal, indeed.

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(my clever little rascal of a doggie, Linus VanPuggle)

On Thursday, after working half a day and getting some appointments done, I will be exactly where I am most happy – in my gardens. Do you know that every morning, I walk outside before leaving for work, letting my beloved plants know I will be back soon enough, then sit in the meditational nook and speak to my Mother, Gaia. Sometimes I call her Gaia, sometimes I call her Mary, sometimes I call her Lakshmi, but in the end, she is the same, she is One Mother. My Mother. Not to take away my own love for my Mom, Eileen, as my love for her swells past the ages, I don’t think she will ever understand the depth of unconditional love I have for her, even though we both make each other crazy. In the end, she is my Mother. And even though I don’t agree with things she believes in, if there is one thing I have taken from her teachings, it is to unconditionally love. This has been the greatest teaching she and my Father have given me. Something I once took for granted, and never again will question. This is truth buried beneath my very bones.

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The fact that for the next 3 ½ days I will be spending time in my gardens has made me squeal with such excitement. It’s funny how some people absolutely hate the thought of working in the garden or yard. For me, it is therapy. Deep therapy. And Mum Gaia is my therapist.

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I am excited also that you, my readers, will be joining me on this journey I have been talking about for how many years? And now it’s finally here. My heart swells. My cup runneth over.

Come, walk with me…

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(My lavender is beginning to flower)

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(Same as my lemon verbena…flowers=seeds!!!!)
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(Transplant babies. From seed to garden)
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(First flower of my Nastercians!)
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(Tomatoes and Passion Flower galore! )
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(My pretty Hibiscus I had to take home with me…)

Dreams as of Late…

So, it’s no surprise I have been a bit absent in my writing lately. There is good reason, I promise. Beside the one thing that I am about to announce here, I will admit the muse has temporarily left the building. And it has nothing to do with anything else other than just some good all-around exhaustion. For my readers who know me on a personal level, I have been withholding some information about what’s going on in my life. My only reason for not talking about it is that the last time something really amazing happened, I announced it and it backfired in such an extreme I fell into a deep depression for a long time. My sweet husband, Scott, then made me promise him to not make any other big announcements until things are FOR CERTAIN…

And so, on Friday, my husband and I made a major decision and settled on our first house! We are now official homeowners! My permaculture dream is now in the next phase of coming true!

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The Happy Homeowners!

Over the last couple weeks, my head has been deep into my day planner, working on landscaping designs and lists of all the plant life that I want to plant. I did show my husband the list, and although he was a bit nervous over the amount that I am looking to plant (around 30-40 species), and equally worried I’m going to take up the majority of the yard, leaving no lawn area unturned, I assured him that will eventually happen well after our boys are moved out of the house when they get older. Until then, I am going to take up the perimeter of the entire yard, with one small section branching out a bit, for the sole purpose of developing the permaculture sustainable life I am looking to have created here. Also, the front and side yard will also be immersed in deep, hardy planting. Right now I have short term and long term goals. My short term goals (for the next 6-8 months) are simply creating, laying, and getting the beds ready for planting by deteriorating parts of the grass with cuttings, cardboard, leaves, etc. My goal is to not till unless absolutely necessary.

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Didn’t realize we had been living in a cardboard fort for months!

I am also looking to create a compost station, so I can finally educate my boys on the art and science of composting with the nutrients that come from our foods, plant life and waste. To be able to create the “gold” that is home-bred compost is something that (yes) I dream of at night. While some people dream of exotic vacations or a romantic mate to love, no, this girl here dreams of a passionate love affair with compost heaps.   Another thing (and yes, this is on my Christmas list), is the ability to create or build a small polytunnel next to our shed, so that any of my late winter, early spring seedlings will be able to sprout and grow, preparing themselves to get into the ground and do their magic. That’s it. My goal over the next 6 months is get that done. To be able to grow 12 months out of the year…oh how extraordinary that will be!

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Couldn’t have done that move on Friday without my best girl, Jenny.  She was there the moment I came home for the first time.  I was drying off here after being out in the cold rain for a few hours.

Long term? Building and putting together a chicken/hen house for laying fresh eggs, and lots of garden beds around the front, side and back of the house. My big goal is to retire from my company in 10 years, so that I can create an official homestead while making all the oils, teas and tinctures that I will eventually put up for sale. Let alone creating crops that I will be able to help local co-ops and nurseries who will buy my plants to sell. One of my upcoming blogs I will show you my formal list of everything I am looking to plant. I am putting this out now: If you happen to have ANY seeds that you would be willing to donate, I would be eternally grateful. This is a ten year goal I am putting out there. Ten years to create the heaven I have been dreaming for as long as I can remember.   I am also looking out for pots, peat pots, ceramic, terra cotta, plastic, wood, tires, old boots, cast iron pots, you name it, if I can plant in it, please send it to me. Starting from scratch is going to be tedious, but it is a journey I have been looking forward to for so long. Please also, if anyone has any cuttings, plant waste, or compost they would be willing to donate to my beginning pile, please feel free to message me!

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Our  boys enjoying their first meal in our new home!

Seriously, I cannot even begin to tell you the absolute joy I am feeling in my heart right now. I’ve endured a lot of trials and tribulations in my life, and so much of it was of my own doing. To finally see the hope, the results, the realization of so many prayers, dreams and wishes on a star…coming to fruition…well, all I can say is that I have been crying happy tears for many days.

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Beginnings of the new kitchen

There are two women who I have been following these last few years, two women who have been working and living the very dream that I have been dreaming. These two women have laid it out on the line, no holds barred, in living this dream-inspired life. And although I cannot give myself 100% to what I dream of yet, I see through these muses the very life I know I will have one day. I am grateful to my husband and sons for humoring me with their equal anticipation on making compost teas and digging in the dirt!

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So, Colette and Jacqui, I can only pray I am 1/10th as amazing as you both are in your lives.

To see where I am coming from, please take a gander to these two amazing websites:

www.bealtainecottage.org and www.moonmother.net

Come visit them and you will understand why my belly is so full of butterflies right now! I wonder if our Creator felt like this when it was decided we were going to be created? Because I am going out of my mind with excitement!

We decided to call our home, Mabon House, since our journey of moving occurred around the time of the ancient Celtic Harvest Fire Festival of Mabon, which means Gratitude and Thanksgiving.  It only seemed appropriate to call our new home based on how we feel right now.

Much love and blessings,

Bridget

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Happy Hobbit

Trying not to lose momentum…

umbrella Thank you Juice Plus+.  I am having one of those mornings, or weeks, mind-you, that if it weren’t for the fact I have been taking this wonderful product, this last few days would have been worse off.

The “domino” effect can hit you like a mac truck if you are not careful.  All it takes is one thing.  That’s it, just one thing, to go wrong, and all of a sudden you find yourself on a downward spiral of crap.  Take for instance this:  So, last week I think I overdid it on work and house stuff, and add a touch of bad beef, that I got myself sick.  Not total flu sick, but more fatigue, nasuea, want-nothing-to-do-with-life sick.  I wasn’t in pain, just more than anything exhausted.  I had been putting myself on double time with so much and trying to make up for it by doing a little extra here and there for my health, that I actually knocked myself out.  How do you do that?  Especially when you’re trying to do something to KEEP you healthy?  Well, I knew this, and I still didn’t listen to my body – sometimes, too much, even if it’s good for you, it just that:  TOO MUCH.

The weekend ended up being rather lovely, despite my being tired.  Got most of my holiday shopping done, and 75% wrapping done, but even with a clean and somewhat organized house, something was bound to go wrong.

This morning, everything that could have gone wrong went.  From kids not listening and getting in trouble, to stupid things like people not paying attention, paperwork misplaced, and just for kicks, let’s throw in a major accident on a roadway that caused my usual commute to be twice as long.  When I finally came into work, thinking at least I will have some solace here, all my computer drivers are missing.  Thus I sit here as I type, holding onto a queue I’ve been in since 8am with my company’s help desk.  (It’s 8:47am).  So, life  happens.  And this morning I lost my cool.  It hasn’t happened in a while, but some times, too much is just that:  TOO MUCH.  Whether its good or bad, having things in extremes can cause serious harm down the road to anyone.  Moderation is the key in everything we go through.

I will say, I am grateful for the fact I am on Juice Plus+…if I hadn’t been taking it, I cannot imagine how these last few days would have really been like if I hadn’t been taking it every day.  I could have been sicker, my anxiety would have SHOT through the roof.  And instead of being at work patiently waiting for my day to start, I could be under the covers at home begging someone or something to take the pain away.  I am officially on ZERO medication.  One year ago I was on pain killers, sleep aids, anxiety/depression, allergy and thyroid medication, taking all of these sometimes at once.  Today, with the odd Zyrtec here and there thanks to this crazy weather on the East Coast, the only thing that I ingest every morning is tons of fruits, vegetables, berries and grains to help me keep up the pace of my ever changing world.  People keep asking me what my secret is:  Well, that’s it.  Juice Plus+ :  Can’t get any plainer than that.

A few years ago, this was me ~  Miserable, pityful, and a self loathing woman I was, until I found something that turned my life around and made me realize I CAN be healthy AND happy at the same time.  So, even on bad days (or weeks, like me here), can be spent less stressful and more eager to get back on the train to normalcy.

At least my Christmas decorations are up.  And boy, do they look lovely.  😀

~ Bridget