Tag Archive | blogging

Q & A From the Last Blog….

meadow   Well, now that the cat’s out of the bag, so-to-speak, I got inundated with a ton of questions from people, friends, family and you lovely readers, about this “sudden” but not sudden change, how it has affected my life and the lives around me, and what’s going to happen going forward.  So without further ado, here goes the questions:

  1. Bridget, congratulations on finding faith. Your story is really awesome but how does one go from a certain faith/philosophy to a complete 180 with another faith?

Bridget:  This is the most asked question I have been asked since coming out a few weeks ago.  I wish I could explain it better, but it’s like this:  I was the Bridget most people have known for over a decade, and then I took a shower.  When I got out of the shower, every thought, idea, belief and understanding shifted.  Like a mountain range fault that decided to move a few inches, creating an impact for hundreds of miles.  This is precisely what happened to me.  How I went from believing in a specific idea, then after taking that shower, I no longer believed in it, I can’t explain.  It was a supernatural event, plain and simple.

 

  1. What is going to happen to the community you founded 3 years ago based on your former beliefs?

Bridget:  Last year, I went on a sabbatical due to my health issues.  I find it strangely coincidental that things started shifting months before the event ever occurred.   At this point, the community will no longer be what it was, since as its leader, I can no longer teach the philosophies I had been teaching.  It would be awesome to create a Bible/worship/ministry study group out of it, but I’m thinking most will not be up for that.  One never knows, though.

 

  1. How has your family handled your change? They must be so excited! 

Bridget:  Well, not exactly in truth, and really I cannot blame them.  Sure, they are thrilled that I have decided to come back full time to Jesus, but growing up in a Roman Catholic household, even though it is of Christian origin, there are certain dogmatic doctrines within the Catholic Canon Law that stipulates certain things that I happen to disagree on, which caused me to join a Protestant Christian church rather than go back to my Catholic upbringing.  Adult baptism, female pastors/ministers, etc are just a couple of issues I challenge the Catholic Church with, and I know for a fact the Church does not appreciate that.  So one needs to respect those differences…Despite our differences, though, my family is the most amazing people, and I know they love me unconditionally, no ifs, ands or buts.  I do have a cousin who is born again, and he has become even a more protective brother in Christ for me.  Jerry and I had always been close growing up, and coming to this faith only brought us closer.

 

  1. I know you love to watch videos to learn about stuff.  Who has been your go-to channels or websites to keep up with your journey?

 

Bridget:  Oh dear!  Where should I start?  There are quite a few!!!!  Well, Jessica from Truth at Home, Starry Hilder, James and Lea from Philia Ministries, The Fundamental Home, Fouch-a-Matic and Esther Emery, Patara from Appalachia Homestead, Melanie from Road to the Farm, just to name a few!!!!!!  All of them are homesteaders, living their lives according to God, and well, I am just in awe of these amazing godly women!!!!!!!  Go subscribe to their channels on YouTube!!!!  You’ll thank me for it!!!!

 

  1. How has this affected your personal relationship with God?

Bridget:  It has magnified it! Praise God! I honestly feel that I needed to go through the trials and tribulations in my life, because the Father has been preparing me for something big.  I feel my ministry in life is going to finally come to fruition in the next few years.

 

  1. What going to happen to your blog?

Bridget:  Nothing.  My blog is my blog.  Just because I no longer believe in some of the things I talked about on my blog, doesn’t make them irrelevant to other people.  I think down the road, I will eventually archive those blog posts, but for right now, the mystical stuff will come down once I am able to sell the remainder of my inventory.  Plus, I will be putting up a disclaimer to show any new readers about my change.  And I think some of those readings are going to be a great reminder of how dangerously close I came from losing myself to evil.

 

  1. What are you going to do with the friends and family who won’t support you on this?  Don’t those closest to you have a say in making sure you are making the right decisions in your life?

Bridget:  (yes, this question WAS asked)….Um, well, of course they have a say, this is a free will zone, is it not?  But whether or not they have the right to tell me what to do, well, as a 43 year old woman living in a free-ish country, I can easily say that I have my own mind, and without trying to sound snarky in any way, no one REALLY has the right to tell me how to live. Besides God, the only person I answer to is my husband Scott, because he is the head of our family.  I’ve always been a free spirit, so if anything, being closer to God than I have ever been before, will only magnify the love and wonder I have of this world we live in.  I can ONLY hope people see how cool it is to love Jesus!

 

  1. Have you found a church you feel comfortable going to?

Bridget:  YES!  About a mile away from my home, there is an amazing community called Trinity Lighthouse Evangelical Church.  My friends Jenny and Steven invited me there, and I feel so welcomed and comfortable there.  It’s an amazing church, with even a more amazing Pastor.  Even his wife, I feel so kindred with her.  Like she completely GETS me!  And although I have been asked to give lots of churches a try to find the one best suited for me, right now I’m in a good place.  And I look forward to continuing going there.

 

  1. What happened to you going to the Unitarian Universalist Church?

Bridget:  Ah, yes.  This sadly has hurt my heart to stop going there.  I had been going there on and off for almost 5 years.  I spoke to many of the parishoners there, who asked me to reconsider coming back, because in all my years of going to ANY church, this was the one that was like family to me. To put it quite simply, I’m heartbroken to not see them each Sunday.  From Kay, Desiree, Erica, Nick, MaryAnn and Carla, and so many more, not being able to see them actually causes a physical pain, but I know that right now, this is where I need to be right now.  Honestly, I wish there was a way to see both communities each week.

  1. Is this the reason why you stopped blogging for the last few months?

Bridget:  Yes and no.  “Yes” in the way that my brain was going in about a zillion directions, and I could not keep one subject in my head long enough to jot something down.  And then “No” in the way that Wintertime is a very difficult time for me.  Living in Pennsylvania has its many ups during the Spring, Summer and Fall time.  But the moment old man Winter comes to visit, my health deteriorates as well as my state of mind.  Even as I type this on Tuesday, my mind has been filled with worry and anxiety of the raging Nor’easter happening outside.  Seeing gray skies with snow on the ground, crushes my heart.  My heart lies in warmer climates, where life is teeming and abundant.  For 3-4 months, I look upon dormant trees and bushes without their leaves, dead, brown leaves scattered like the memories of the warmer days the year before.  And it truly makes me ridiculously sad.

In light of that, though, I tend to pray more in the Wintertime, mainly because even with all my family and friends, I feel incredibly lonely and know that God is listening to me when I am in my darkest moments.  So, I turn inward, write more in my journal rather than my blog, pray and have lots of contemplation time.  It is when I tend to hear God the most!

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So….that’s it, folks.  Those are the top ten questions I have been asked in the last few months over what’s happened to me.  Once this weather starts to stabilize and get warmer in the weeks to come, you will see more gardening/homesteading blogs and hopefully a video blog soon.  I would love to get everyone’s feedback on my thoughts for the upcoming gardening season and what people would like to see this old Hobbit girl try out!  This is Winters last Hurrah this week, so I am trying to keep that in mind with lots of love and hope for Spring and new life to come.

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If you have any additional questions you want answered, send me a message or comment below.

Taking that Other Path in the Fork Of the Road…

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One of my favorite sayings I like to say when I feel I need to have a heart to heart with someone – I like to call it a “Come to Jesus” talk.  Sometimes the most amazing and profound events in our lives tend to be also hilariously ironic.  This is precisely the case over the last couple months.

I’m going to tell you something that I didn’t think I would EVER utter to anyone.  This includes my husband, my sons, my parents, my sisters, my family and devoted friends.  I don’t necessarily know why I need to bear witness to this, but I do believe it’s time for me to speak out.  Since November 18, 2016, I’ve been quietly obsessing over it, because of how much it changed me.  And mark my word: I am changed.  Incidentally, my son Tim told me last night, “Mom, I don’t know about you, but there is something really DIFFERENT about you that I’ve noticed the last several weeks.”

At this point, only a collective few, including my husband and son, know what happened.

I’ve been on an incredible journey, and I guess now, it’s okay to talk about it.

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First things first: I was born with the addiction gene in my DNA.  And this gene has taken front and center throughout my life. Food, prescription drugs, relationships, spirituality, you name it, if my heart felt a flutter, I took it for all it was.  Kind of like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  Right now, my latest addiction seems to be on something I have taken for granted for many many years.

I am finding it very challenging to really put into words what I want to say. But trust me on this:  This will probably be a long post, because I believe once I get talking, it’s hard to stop.

Most of the time my head tends to be in the clouds, thinking and dreaming of things that I want, not just for myself, but everyone I love.  However, something needs to be said, when your life has been on this particular journey and living this particular belief, when all of a sudden it comes to an abrupt stop for no reason.  And like the flip of a switch, everything that I believed in, held and cherished for so many years, started to dissipate.

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Going back:  The moment I first felt a twinge in my spirituality was when I was a semi-practicing Catholic.  This spiritual “awakening”, so-to-speak, occurred in the early months of 2004.  4 years later, in 2008, I was beginning my life without my soon-to-be ex-husband and found myself delving into another type of spirituality, which many called Paganism. It was something darker than what I had been used to, and yet it fascinated me to my core nonetheless.  Honestly?  I fell in love with Paganism.  Not just because of the rituals or clothing or music, but because I felt I could hold MYSELF accountable for things, rather than feel like some heavenly parental figure is up in the skies waiting for me.  For 4 years, I laid low, while continuing to practice as a Catholic, while secretly delving deep into practicing Paganism.  But I still loved Jesus.  That never swayed.  I truly believed in the heart of my hearts that my love for Jesus actually grew from my studies, and found I started calling myself a Christo-Pagan. (There is such a religion that exists).

In 2012, I finally made the decision to leave the Catholic Church, and be open about loving my Earth Spirituality.  In essence, I called it that because Paganism has a societal stigma that causes people to believe that all who practice it are devil-worshiping, animal sacrificing, followers of Satan.  I need to tell you all this – Paganism is NOT devil worshiping.  Pagans actually don’t believe in the devil.  It angered me so much, that I wanted to prove to the world my spirituality was if anything, stronger than when I was a practicing Catholic.  I joined a Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, then became a leader in the community guiding and teaching like-minded individuals who saw and felt the same as I. I finally thought I was home in my faith.  Being able to love God, Jesus and Mary and the Saints and Angels, all while dedicating myself to Mother Earth by committing myself to the fundamentals of holding rituals honoring not just them, but all the deities that all the cultures in the world were made up of.  I felt I was co-existing with Mother Earth herself and I was a handmaiden to her services.  As the years passed, I realized Jesus, Mary, the Saints and the Angels started to take a back burner to other deities whom I wanted to learn and study.  I’ll be honest.  I tried.  I really did.  But it never felt the same.  Literally, I would thank a deity for something they gave me, but if I found myself in trouble, I called on Jesus.  I knew it, and yet continued to block my mind of the hypocrisy I was finding myself in.  Deep in.  How dangerous it was for me to think just because another religion doesn’t believe in something like the devil, didn’t mean he doesn’t exist.

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How funny it was, then, when Jesus decided to take a stand for His cause, and call me back to the land of His living, and in the WEIRDEST place possible.

Jesus has an incredible sense of humor, I’ll tell ya.

In the Autumn of 2016 (funny, 4 years from the last opened door), I started studying Hinduism.  I was listening to a lot of Hindi music, while trying to practice some of the festival rituals that are held usually on the other side of the world.  I even wrote a blog about it here!!!!!

But if you are a subscriber or devoted follower to my website, you know that this was my last blog.  November 6, 2016.  Exactly TWO weeks later, I fell off the proverbial ledge and went underground, like Persephone in the old Greek tales.  For those two weeks, I lingered down there, because something was troubling me.  I felt a weight on my shoulders and my chest was so heavy I couldn’t explain, let alone breathe.  And then it happened.

November 18, 2016.  I took a shower.

I know, that was anti-climatic.  I just wanted you all to take a deep breath, cause we’re about to go down that rabbit hole.

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Okay, so…Here’s where it gets weird:

It started out as nothing special.  It was a Friday night, and my husband was out getting our food after dropping off my step-son at his mothers, my son was at a friend’s for the evening.  It was just me and my doggie, Linus.  I turned on some Native American music in our bedroom and strolled naked into the bathroom where I felt I could take a nice long, hot shower all by myself.  There’s a freedom you feel when you have that alone time, and this was no exception.  I was singing and dancing in the shower, taking my time to clean myself, when all of a sudden, I felt a presence with me.  I turned around, and SO HELP ME GOD,  Jesus was standing in the shower with me.

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I wish I was making this up, but this is the stone cold truth.

There was nothing perverted, obviously, but more or less the shock value from my end created a moment of ice-breakage.  He stood there with his arms crossed, not getting a bit wet, and said, “Sister, WHAT are you doing?”  He had on a white robe, with what looked like a violet colored sash.  He looked exactly like I had always pictured Him.

Frightened wasn’t the word.  Stunned?  Even more so.  I told Jesus that I was taking a shower as He could see, thinking even for a second that maybe this was all being made up in my head, questioning in my head if I fell in the shower and blacked out, did I have wine I forgot I was drinking? But this….this was real. He said, “Don’t patronize me, Bridget! You KNOW what I’m talking about.  ANOTHER RELIGION?  Am I really THIS bad that you want to look for more salvation in something else because you can SEE it?” He sounded exasperated, if not annoyed to the core.

AND STILL, I kept thinking this was all being made up in my head.

And then in a loud, booming voice, He said:

“Do you REALLY want to ruin ALL that you have created up there?”

And the most frightening to me, He said,

“Am I really not enough for you?”

I immediately felt a twinge of pain, or maybe it was guilt, because I couldn’t understand what the HELL was going on, but apparently Jesus was legitimately upset with me.  Upon realizing this, He then sighed and said something I’ll never forget:

“I want you to sing a song for me”, He said, “Remember that song you used to sing in choir, called ‘Hosea?’  Sing that for me. I like to think this is ‘OUR’ song.”  (now, in any other circumstance, anytime given the chance to sing in the shower, I’m going to make that sh** happen.)  But at this point I was having a heated conversation with Jesus in the SHOWER and the fear in me rose up, so I started singing quite softly:

 

“Come back to me, with all your heart, don’t let fear keep us apart.

Trees do bend, though straight and tall, so must we to others call.

Long have I waited for your coming home to me,

And living deeply our new life.

The wilderness will lead you, to your heart where I will speak.

Integrity, and justice, with tenderness, you shall know.

Long have I waited for your coming home to me,

And living deeply our new life.”

 

And just like that, 12 years of my life slowly washed away, like a silent tsunami coming in the middle of the night without any warning.

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Everything I was, everything I THOUGHT I was, everything I thought I was going to be, disappeared in the blink of an eye.

I stood in the shower, looking down on my hands as the water was running off of me, and realized I was alone again.  But this was different: I felt a loneliness I never felt before, and not only was it suffocating, it was profoundly heartbreaking.  I started sobbing to the point I was shaking like someone hit me with a cattle prod. I started banging my fists on the wall of the shower so hard, bottles started falling off the shower shelf.  I started screaming “I’m sorry!  I’m SORRY! What have I done?  I’m so sorry!  Please forgive me!!!!”  But Jesus was no longer there.  I was utterly alone.  I fell to my knees in absolute despair and realized what a fool I was. For over a decade I acted like I loved him and knew him, all the while allowing other things to get in the way; it was the most horrible act of defiance and dishonesty I ever did in my entire life.

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And now I was alone.  It was the darkest moment of my life to date.

But then I heard Him.  And I felt this almost heated warmth flow through my body, as if I was encapsulated within something like an incubator.  As I continued to sob on my knees, water still running, I heard Him:

“Shhhhhhh….Bridget Ohhhhhhh sweetheart, I know…..Welcome back!  Welcome back.  It’s alright.  It’s alright.  Just cry it out.  I never left you, no matter how much you wanted me to let you go, I just couldn’t.  And you know what?  You didn’t want to let go either.  It’s why you kept me silently close to you all these years, even when you told others I wasn’t there….shhhhhhh, no more tears.  It’s over.  The pain has been washed away….I made sure of this.  No more tears, Bridget.  Breathe in your new life.”

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How does one recover from something like that?

I decided to delve into that part of me that has been in-fact, reborn.

I started reading the Bible.  I stopped doing earthly rituals that benefited my wants.  I began to walk on the side I promised myself 12 years ago I would never come back to.  I went back to the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, where they welcome all creeds.  I opted NOT to go to a Christian church at first, well, mainly because my brain still has a belief that so many of these big-built theater-like churches are all ego-based ministry trying to pull people in for money and numbers.  Don’t get me wrong, let me explain before I get scolded:  I’m not saying they are ALL this way, it’s just how my brain has been perceiving this for so many years, I can’t remember when the thought first entered my mind. Nevertheless, I started watching documentaries on the Bible, on Christianity as a whole, on Jesus’ humanity and divinity.  And continued to go to the UU Fellowship until I realized I needed something more.

Most importantly, I got back to praying.  At least, the kind of praying I used to do years ago, now with a better understanding rather than I was “told” to say it.

I began listening to people like Kat Kerr, who has been given the gift of visions of Heaven.  And I then realized in an instant, that’s where my focus is going to be.

Heaven.

And what I need to do to get there.

I realized over the last several weeks that everything that I want, my garden, my homestead, future animals like chickens and goats, my front porch farm stand….all of it – has been cooking up in my brain and my heart with the absolute faith that one day I’ll get there.  So, why now is this happening?  Why has Jesus decided to make his presence known in the way it was presented?

I took some time to think about everything.  The shower.  Water.  Emotion.  Water is all about emotion.  And whenever I take a shower, I like to think when the water is falling on me, all the crap and muck from the day is being washed away.

So yeah, in a very different but just as intimate way, I was reborn again.

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What does this mean for the earthly spiritual Bridget who loves to talk about angels, mother earth and the seasons?  Well, just hold on a sec.  I’m still here.  I’m still Bridget. I think that if anything, all my beliefs I have, are just that.  I can’t change what I truly believe to be true, as feelings are neither right nor wrong.  I think it has to do with what and more importantly, HOW we use our beliefs that makes up our character.

So, in the last several weeks, I’ve undergone much change.  And it has been an amazing journey.

But you know what? I’m still burning sage, collecting crystals and such.  But now I have a more intimate understanding of my uses for them. But no worries, I’m still the querky eclectic Bridget that will do anything to get people to smile.

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I’m also going to continue celebrating the seasons through the Celtic Wheel of the Year method.  Ancient farmers used this method, it wasn’t just religious symbolism. Many organic farmers today still work with the moon and the seasons of the year based on these ancient traditions, and not modern commercialism.  So, as far as I’m concerned, Winter is over and Spring is here!  It is early Spring, so things are still dead and it’s pretty damn cold outside.  But some of my potted bulbs outside that don’t get hit with the frost are peeking out already.  As far as I’m concerned, the days of Light and Life are coming back.

I know I may lose friends over this revelation, and that’s okay.  Just as people evolve, I am sure relationships go through the same course.

Today my BFF Jenny and her amazing boyfriend Steven, took me to my first Christian service in what has been many years.  Over the last week, I got to speak to my cousin, Jerry, who told me he was overjoyed and filled with so much love and happiness for me for my conversion and is looking forward to talking with me more.

The last couple weeks have been a whirlwind.  I have met with so much amazing positive manifestations with my personal life in health and career.  I have found myself immersed into personal Bible study and watching videos that seem to be calling me to watch.  Each day I wake up, I ask for Grace, even though I am not worthy of it.  I pray to have a good day and make good decisions.  And each day has been wonderful.  I feel like a child.  I’m learning all over again.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be saved. But I do know, that feeling the presence of Jesus in my life has turned my life around.  Everything that I am is changed.  But, I am still Bridget.  I promise you that.  I am still open minded.  Still an empathic bad-ass.  Still a devout lover of Mother Earth.  I’m just understanding my life a bit differently now. I’m understanding my spirit now.  And most importantly, I’m understanding my heart.

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This website will eventually change on some levels.  My store will come down and hopefully I will be able to change my tax id to my alias name, The Bohemian Hobbit.  The Spiral Willow will be closing.  My tinctures and teas will still be around, and hopefully one day, I will be selling other things more deserving of my journey. If you are interested in buying certain things on my site, I will be posting them on my Facebook page, The Bohemian Hobbit until all is sold out. I will still be writing about Ascension, Homesteading, Permaculture, my love for Hobbits (well, DUH!), and of course, Spirituality.  But in order for me to write from my heart, you will undoubtedly see the change in my writing.  If you no longer feel comfortable with my writings, know I completely understand and you have every right to go.  I will let you go freely with so much love and admiration, you’ll definitely feel it!!!!

As we begin the week for Valentine’s Day, I find it no coincidence that outside my husband and children, I have fallen madly in love with Jesus and becoming a born-again Christian.  Take that as you will, all I know is that I stand here in witness, to tell you, that I have been changed.  I am changed.  What happened to me, was supernatural.  Was intensely beautiful, and like I said, life – CHANGING.

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And I will pray for the rest of my life this change will not only eventually save me, but will help me walk on a path to save and serve others.

I love you,

Bridget

The Bohemian Hobbit

 

 

Sunday Ramblings of a Tired Hobbit….

It’s Sunday morning, and I’ve accomplished SO much, and yet I feel I haven’t even broken a dent in my day.  Summer can be truly glorifying when your home is at a state of organization.  But I am sure most of you would agree with me that rare do we have an organized home.  Still, I am grateful that I got up this morning, that I got to the store, made 3 ½ pounds of homemade meatballs, and picked up a bag of clothes from my sister.  All in all, a productive day so far.  My darling husband, sweet man that he is, has been domesticated bliss and I cannot appreciate him any more than I do right now.  While I was out gallivanting around to get the unordinary chores completed, he was at home doing laundry, dishes, and taking the trash and recycling out.  How amazing is he?  And yet, I come home from my chores, incredibly stressed out and irritated, and still manages to be romantic and sweet, even though I wasn’t able to reciprocate it back to him immediately.  It’s how we complement each other that makes me so blessed.

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My sweetie, isn’t he dishy?

When I am down, he balances me back up, and when he is down, I do the same.  As humans, it is impossible to be 100% of the time.  We are bound to make mistakes and mess up.  And it had been so long since I had a partner in my life who actually GROUNDED me.  His love shows me every day I still have so much to learn not only about myself, but how much I can truly give if I just try harder.  So, I’m doing my best to be less irritated, and spend more time at being happy my boys are spending some downtime to themselves, something we ALL need.

11837153_10207643789237977_2087131218_o   My boys still in their PJ’s and just maxing and relaxing….11850942_10207643788477958_1244989924_n

This summer has been at the very least, semi-challenging.  Most weekends have been spent busy at parties and events that required our presence, and although I love being around my friends and family, the lack of quiet time that many of us actually do get in the late autumn pre and post-holiday chaos is significantly felt, which no doubt, aids in my tension.  As I am preparing my journey from the Mother to the Crone stage of life, I have found my love for Spring, although still very strong, is beginning to wane, while my love for Autumn is beginning to grow.  Spring and Autumn have always been my two favorite seasons, but Spring has been without a doubt my favorite.  Easter/Ostara has always been my favorite holiday, however my love for Samhain has definitely curbed my Spring appeal.  Something about quieting down, going within, that makes my stomach warm with butterflies.  My longing for October and November gets stronger every morning I wake up.  I feel the seasons changing as we speak, and my desire for the following things is seriously heeding my call:

  • Bon/Camp Fires
  • Hot Apple/Mulled Cider
  • Caramel Apples
  • Burning Leaves
  • Everything in their orange, red and yellow glory
  • Pumpkin Patches and Corn Mazes
  • Hayrides
  • Mums
  • My apartment being adorned with orange lights and leaves

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Beautiful enchanted forest during fall or autumn, great fairy tale background, hdr

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I am sitting here, enjoying a nice warm cup of Kratom tea, and the butterflies are fluttering like crazy in my belly.  My headset is currently listening to “Embraced” by Paul Cardall, and realizing I need to start making my Autumn 2015 playlist!  What shall I put on it this year??????  Last year, I had Ingrid Michelson start my playlist with “Girls Chase Boys” with a follow up of All About That Bass by Post Modern Jukebox featuring Kate Smith and Adele’s Set Fire To the Rain.  Would love to know your thoughts, as a musician, I am ALWAYS looking for new music to listen to.  Right now I am straight head-on listening to mostly New Age/Dark Celtic music such as Enya, Clannad, Loreena McKennit, Gandalf, 2002 and Secret Garden.  Really, this music is sort of my go-to music when I am turning inward, so it only goes to understand why I would be listening to this kind right now.  But I do like a twist during my Autumn-time, as I always see Autumn as the romantic season.  There is something about cloudy, dark, rainy, cold days that puts me in that “mood”.  Maybe it’s the cuddling!  Some other artists that have made an Autumn playlist in the past include:

  • Omnia
  • Nox Arcana
  • Faun
  • Damn the Bard
  • Emerald Rose
  • Spiral Rhythm
  • Coyote Run (now respectfully called Picti)
  • Albannach
  • Dead Can Dance
  • Qntal

I love using these artists above because they make SUCH AMAZING music!!!!!!  Please let me know if there is a specific band you want to hear more about, because I will definitely blog about them!  I am a singer, writer and pianist and sacred drummer, so I’m always looking out for new stuff!

So, I know this was a hodge podge of information today, but I wanted to get it out there, so we can talk more about things!  I still have to get back to my 40 days of Spirit, I promise this week I will get a new post on that!  In the meantime, I leave you with my new favorite band, I’ve been in love with these ladies since I found them last year on a Woman Tribal Facebook page I am a member of.  It’s my new theme song (you know how I feel we all need one), as it truly speaks of who I am.  As a Northern Appalachian Shamanka/Hedge Witch, whatever you want to call me, being able to help heal people through the Earth is something that lives within me and truly gets me out of the bed every day.  I hope you like them…They are Rising Appalachia:

The Times They Are A Changin’…

Sad-girl-alone-sitting-in-beach-watching-waves-image-picture-1111x738It’s funny when depression and anxiety hits a person does the writing muse want to take a vacation.  Sadly, the lack of finding the house (yes, I know I’m beating a dead horse by continuously talking about it) has caused me to retreat.  It’s one of the reasons why I haven’t written.  Because finding a house has totally consumed my life.  Well, it’s kind of hard to not have it consume me.  My home, once a quaint bohemian living abode, has now turned into Cardbox City.  Everywhere I turn there are boxes, filled and empty, waiting for my next move.  It is a constant reminder that my life is out of alignment and unstable.  Two things that literally drive me crazy.  Feeling that I don’t have control over my own life can really take a toll, and so, I have found myself feeling rather blue during one of the most beautiful times of the year.

I’m sitting at my laptop today because some movement in my personal life hit this morning, and whenever that happens, I need to act on it immediately before my rational mind tells me to step back.

Now, I know people who read my blog read it for many purposes.  Some like to actually read what I have to say, some are here just to be nosy and check up on me, and others, well, others are simply here to find out what crazy shit Bridget is up to now.  It’s sadly the truth, and although in the past the judgements have haunted me like never ending nightmares, I have learned through a lot of soul searching and maturity that I need to stop focusing on how people view me, and start focusing on how I view me.  A liberating experience, to say the least, coming from a reputable and conservative family, to have their eldest child break out of a box to protect me, unleashing emotional turmoil along with equal bouts of total bliss.  It’s who I am and at 41 years old, I refuse to change me.  Funny, I will never understand how I am now, and how some people question me now, and wish I could return to the former me, when the former me most people couldn’t stand.  Being free from the social experimentation of trying to “fit in” has been the most uplifting and amazing journey of my life, next to the birth of my son.

This week I was told that in the next couple weeks I am going to learn my fate of the position in my current job.  My department at my job has decided to consolidate with other groups, forming one big department.  The problem with this, is that my department is not defined by the regulations that the other groups are bound to.  But, the higher ups are considering putting us within this mold.  This could mean my life will change drastically over the next year, and it frightens me to no end.  My work currently does not expect me to be licensed within the Federal Regulated guidelines.  But since my team is merging with groups that are regulated, there is a possibility that I will have to become a licensed professional.  I know, doesn’t sound like a bad thing, right?  It would mean a promotion in the end, and a better career path.  But here’s the thing that many people who didn’t know me 5 years ago: 5 years ago, I took a similar license, smaller and easier compared to the license I may be required to obtain now.  I didn’t pass.  And I was terminated from my company.  But my love for wanting to work there resulted in me coming back as a contractor, thus coming back into the company through the “back door”.  I have since worked within unlicensed departments over the last 5 years, and my career has been amazing.

Now, I see myself at a cross roads.  June 30th I am going to be told my fate.  My insomnia that has already been on the radar over the house hunting is now adding additional lost sleep because of this.

What do I do?  Will I have to quit and find a new job?  Is this the opportunity to actually leave this career and begin a new one?  I know many of you know how much I love Juice Plus and the fact I have been trying to wait until I move into a new home to start this little side business, making additional money for my family.  Should I begin now in case I fail this test?  Should we just stay in this apartment?  Should I sell most of my things?  See, these are the very things going through my mind, because I have to be realistic.  I can’t assume I’m going to pass.  I have to think ahead and figure out what will happen if I go through what I went through November 29th, 2010?  Looking at a computer screen, realizing I was 1 point from passing a test, and thus no longer an employee at my beloved company.

I’m trying to hold back the tears right now typing this, because I hate more than anything not knowing what is going on.  I will admit I hate abrupt change.  But yet, there’s a fire in my belly that’s telling me it’s going to be okay.  And that there are reasons, specific reasons why things are going this way right now.

It has been absolutely imperative that I be authentic.  Even if it means upsetting those I love around me.  I wish I could change that, to appease other’s fears. But doing that would only make me unhappy.  And I love who I am.  I really do.  I know people don’t understand that.  I know and really, I am truly sorry for that.

I am a 41 year old woman.  I’m a wife, a mother, a step-mother, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a godmother, a niece, best friend, a lover, a business woman, a gypsy, a bohemian, a wild woman, a domestic goddess, a writer, a hobbit.    So here’s my question:  How do I merge all of these things into one aspect of myself?  The answer is:  I can’t.  I am many things, and that’s that.  I am many things to many people, and some to some people.  There are so many facets of myself, and just like my job, one can either accept it or walk away.  But it will never change the course of my fate.  It is the only thing I like about change.  The evolution of it.  Rather than abrupt, coarse change, I love the slow, loving, almost ritual aspect of change.  Watching someone turn into the person they are supposed to be, during each chapter/level of their journey.  And as you all know from everything I’ve said above, I’m going through just that.

Today I looked in the mirror and noticed I wanted to change something.  It took me a while, but I realized it was my hair.  Last fall I did something drastic and cut most of my hair off and put low and highlights in it, to gradually accept my ever coming in white hair.  However, winter has passed and summer is upon us, and I felt another longing.  Last year I started wearing dread-lock extensions in my hair.  They are simply beautiful and I always get compliments every time I wear them.  I find it incredibly ignorant for people to think only African Americans are the only ones allowed to wear dread-locks.  They are simply beautiful and if used correctly, anyone would look amazing.  So, today, I decided to test my hair.  Already so thin from my thyroid disease, I was hoping this wasn’t going to fail, and my hair did not disappoint!

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I know, I can already hear the groans….”oh Bridget…what ARE you doing?” and “You’re 41 and a Mother!” I know!  And guess who was the one who suggest I do it????  That’s right!  My son!!!!

He always tells me how beautiful I am, and that no matter what I wear, how I do my hair, my inner beauty stands out.  Such an old soul.  So, going to run a trial and see how this looks in a bun tomorrow, and see if I can pull this off in a professional manner.  I’m curious.  I have realized that although I love my job, I cannot be who I really am there.  Who I am is not part of society’s version of “professional”.  Well, I’d like to change that attitude.  Gradually.  Starting with something like hair.  I’m actually kind of excited how I’m going to look tomorrow, and if it’s a go, I will continue down this new path and see how it goes.

I guess in the end I need to remember this very important point:

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2 days of work this week, then a mini vacay with my husband and kids.  I guess there’s good in change..whether its work, scenery, your home, your hair, beliefs. whatever.  I guess in change, it gives us the opportunity to blossom even more into who we are meant to be.

And the anxiety slowly drifts away….Hello muse…I’ve missed you.

50 Things I LOVE!

Hi everyone!

Well, we didn’t get the house.  So, we are still searching.  But in the meantime, here’s a little fun reading of 50 things I love.  It wasn’t enough, but it would have become obnoxious if I allowed it to go past 50!  Thank you to my friend Melissa/Raven who brought this over on Facebook!  Here it goes!

50 Things I Love

  1. Gardening – I love getting my hands dirty and digging into the dirt and planting things.
  2. New Age/World/Earth Spirituality Music – Spiral Dancing, Native American Healing Music, Enya, Lisa Thiel, SJ Tucker, Dead Can Dance, Clannad, Blackmore’s Night just to name a few…
  3. Kratom – This little miracle tree has basically saved my life.
  4. The smell of Springtime in the air
  5. Campfires
  6. Chocolate Fudge
  7. Sitting on the Beach in the late Autumn
  8. Early December sunsets
  9. Celebrating the Seasons
  10. Impressionstic Artists – Edgar Degas, Vincent Van Gogh, Monet, just to name a few
  11. Everything Jane Austen ever wrote
  12. Every Jane Austen book that was put into a movie
  13. Everything that is Tolkien. Like everything.
  14. Going to sleep with my window fan on a coolish evening.
  15. Anything of a Celtic nature
  16. Anything of a Native American nature
  17. Crystals
  18. Oracle/Tarot decks.
  19. The Rosary. And everything that is the Virgin Mary.
  20. Strong and empowered women like Brighid, Hecate, Persephone, Diana, and Mary Magdelene.
  21. Jesus
  22. Moscato Wine
  23. Willow Trees
  24. Dream Catchers
  25. Playing Video games with my friends online (you know who you are!)
  26. Painting
  27. Early Autumn Days that are filled with rain and cloudy skies, so I can light candles and watch holiday movies.
  28. Halloween/Samhain
  29. Being a Wild Woman and empowering my Divine Feminine Self
  30. Yoni Eggs
  31. Being Healthy and learning about things to keep me healthy
  32. NOT being on medicine!
  33. British Comedies on PBS
  34. Collecting Tea Kettles
  35. Chocolate Fudge
  36. I love ALL animals.
  37. The feeling of getting off the parkway on the exit to the beach. It’s like all my worries go away
  38. Dreaming of making my life better
  39. Making my own incense
  40. Fuzzy socks on a cold night
  41. Folk Music
  42. Fairy, Celtic, Music and Renaissance Festivals
  43. Going to the Spa for the day
  44. Twinkle lights everywhere I can put them
  45. Lemonade Iced Tea
  46. Hammocks
  47. Thanksgiving
  48. Wearing dreadlocks in my hair.
  49. Pickles
  50. Putting my feet into the grass

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And the Drama Continues…

Earlier today I got some disturbing news that was so insulting I ended up spewing it over to Facebook. I usually don’t like doing that, but I had to, because it is where the majority of my followers are, and there is a great possibility that the person creating the drama is on there.

Let me be clear, because this is going to be a short post: We are not the same people we were ten years ago, twenty years ago, and thirty years ago. I am NOT the same person I was when I was little. I am NOT the same person I was five years ago.

But there is one thing that has NEVER changed: My love for God. Don’t involve my family who have tried in such earnest to accept my beliefs and understand and respect me. Don’t change my family’s dynamic because you have a problem with me. It’s unnecessary. And it’s hurtful.

And sorry to say it, but Jesus is very disappointed right now in the hate in this world. I, for one, am not going to take part in that hate, and follow the very teachings Jesus taught me as a child. I believe in the magic of life – and that DOES include Jesus.  One doesn’t have to be a rocket scientist to understand that. It’s called having a conscience. And the person who decided to use my blog as a means to promote this falsehood is going to be in for a serious wake-up call.

I honestly don’t know where you are trying to prove that I don’t believe in Jesus.  Please, peruse my blog.  I can assure you, nothing says that I don’t believe in Him.

It’s times like this I wish I wasn’t so sensitive and could block this out.  But then again, I was made like this, and I am proud of how God created me.

Continuing to pray for the absent-minded.  Be blessed and Be well. ❤

Day 4 of Spirit: Thoughts On The Afterlife?

heaven2I am actually skipping around the 44 questions, and somewhat making them into my own…But I really love this subject and I couldn’t wait to talk about it. 

What many people don’t know is that I am a writer.  I have been writing since I was an early teenager, giving my respect to my 8th Grade English teacher, Mr. Richard Halsey, for starting me on journaling.  He is the very one that got me interested in writing, and I haven’t stopped.  That was almost 30 years ago. 

Looking back on my old work, like any writer, I have had “eras”.  2004 was the beginning of my Afterlife Era.  From poetry that discussed angels, fairies, God, Creation, the Earth, Heaven…I have been fascinated with the Afterlife and the Universe within the very Universe we are living in.  What say you?  Did I just say Heaven is really here on Earth, but we just can’t see it because it’s within a parallel universe?  Hahaha well you are correct.  It’s been a vision of mine since I was a little girl.  Actually, this is the first time I’m am ever going to discuss this.  I have written my experiences in my journal and currently taking my personal visions and putting them into a novel I have been working on the last 3 years. 

When I was little, probably around 7 years old, I had a dream, or vision.  Quite honestly, it was so long ago I can’t remember, but I do remember how REAL it felt.  I was in this magical looking place.  There was a waterfall in front of me; the water itself was so iridescent it shimmered.  I was standing on a patch of land with the greenest of green grass, so lush and soft, like a furry blanket.  I took a seat over by a tree, when all of a sudden, this beautiful white being came to me.  It looked like a horse, but the horse was so white I originally thought it was an angel.  But this horse had something I had never seen before.  It had a beautiful horn pointed out of its head, glistening so bright I thought it was some sort of light bulb.  It came over to me, knelt down and sat down beside me.  That’s all I remember.  But I do know that was when I became obsessed with Unicorns.  As a child, I had to have everything with a Unicorn.  In fact, I still have a ring my Godmother gave me, a silver ring of a Unicorn, with pure turquoise on the body of it.  I had a Unicorn blanket, and a Unicorn puzzle, a movie, and a necklace.  To this day, I am still fascinated with this beautiful being.  Looking back, I question whether or not I drifted into the afterlife.  Some people would call this “Astral Traveling”. 

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After years of research, studying and practice, I have learned to Astral Travel.  Granted, I really can’t get past my own living room, but I’m getting better each day.  Going back to my thoughts on the Afterlife, I get glimpses through dreams, visions, pictures, and overall signs showing me that the Afterlife is closer than we really think.  So, I started writing a novel about my experiences, and put them into a Fictional story of a woman’s journey through the Afterlife.  Maybe one day I will have it published. 

So, what do I believe?  Is there a Heaven?  Yes.  There is a Heaven.  In fact, there are many Heavens.  Based on the how we are here on this Earth, during this life, will determine which Heaven we will go to.  Some people are more “experienced” in their past lives, and therefore get a little closer to our Creator each time.  Some of us our young souls, starting out in physical bodies.  And each life we live on this Planet, or let’s face it, whatever Planet we choose (we’ll discuss that on another blog), our goals are to learn the lessons our souls are meant to learn.  We make this conscious decisions before coming into a new life, with the guidance of our Guardian Angels.  Our Guardian Angels are not just here for our physical lives.  Our Guardian Angels are here for us from the beginning of our souls’ journey.  And I believe we have more than 1 Guardian Angel.  Since I was younger up to present day, I close my eyes every night and picture myself running to a bench under a tree to meet Jesus to talk about my day.  And every time I get there, he is already sitting there, and we go through the same old joke that I could never beat him there. 

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A couple months ago, I watched a Brazilian movie called “Nosso Lar”, or in English, “Astral City: A Spiritual Journey”.   It is an amazing telling story of Andre Luiz, a doctor who passes away from Earth and journals his experiences in the Afterlife.  This movie is based on the actual events that Andre Luis channeled through famed Spiritualist, Francisco Cândido Xavier.  If you are interested in seeing the movie, please send me an email and I will send you a link.

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So, the next question is…Do I believe in Hell?  Well, here’s the thing:  When I was younger, I believed in it because I was told to believe in it.  As an adult, I refused to believe in Hell, because I couldn’t imagine this loving God to create us, only to punish us for not doing the right things on Earth.  But then I watched this movie, and read up on Dr. Luiz.  And even now, I really don’t think there is a “Hell”, per se, but I do believe there is a place for those who are not ready to come home to Heaven, whose prideful egos passed along with their souls, and cannot find their way to the Summerlands.  I believe it is a desolate place, where our souls have been, and it is the true and final test of our love and faith in our Creator.  Some people could be there for eons.  Some people only minutes.  But I don’t believe God puts up this gate showing we cannot come home.  I think it is our souls’ doing to make that happen.  It is our choice to continue to feel sorry for our losses, ergo not giving us the opportunity to finally heal and go home.   

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In the end, I believe there are magical places that we cannot see, but our hearts and souls can certainly feel.  And God gives us this beautiful planet to live on to at least give us some opportunity to have a Heaven on Earth.  I believe Heaven is much like Earth.  But brighter, calmer, and more beautiful.  And it is certainly where our dreams come true. 

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We are given every opportunity to live like the souls do in Heaven.  But our physical bodies, along with our minds, keep many of us from this existence.  That’s why I post so many inspirational messages.  Because my heart hurts for many things, but I also know my pride is never that important than my love for my life, and the people who are in it.  And all I want to do is go home one day, and live my happily ever after in Heaven.

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