Tag Archive | dream

Happy New Year and Where I’ve Been…

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Okay. So check this out:

Over the course of the last month and the last time I posted something here (yes, you read it, MONTH), I have typed out about 6 blogs. SIX. Not one of them have been posted to my site.

Um, hello? Knock knock? Bridget? Whatcha doing over there?

Yeah. I know. I have been stagnant like 30 day old untreated pool water. Yuck.

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(me pretty much everyday)

What gives? It’s a good question. I appreciate the emails from some of my readers asking me where I was, if I was okay….etc. etc…I could easily tell you I’m fine…life is swell.

Truth is…it’s not. And that’s OKAY!

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(yes, I have been incredibly anti-social lately)

I wish I could be Miss Happy Girl 24/7, and don’t get me wrong, I really DO everything I can to achieve that on a daily basis.

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But, something’s up. And I know what it is. Right now, I’m going to keep it to myself until I feel it is the right time to throw it out for discussion.

There is nothing…and I really mean this…NOTHING, more heartbreaking than having a certain dream of something and knowing full well it is NEVER going to come true. In regards to my life, this goes in two different directions, but with similar things related to the main idea. It sucks. Truly. But having this knowledge does give me a sense of power, because at least I know, I can work around it. Or better yet, FIX IT.

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Over the course of this last month, though, I have been going through the natural stages of grief.  This came with some humbling knowledge that things I thought in my head were a certain way, were in fact, very much the opposite.

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Truth is, the goals I had 10 years ago are nowhere NEAR the goals I have today.  Heck, the goals I had 1 year ago no longer serve me as goal-worthy.  Not because I can’t achieve it; truth be told, you can achieve anything if you set your heart out to it…no, it’s because I no longer care, support,  nor want to be a part of that anymore.

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Kinda of like when you were a kid, and had a certain way of handling your things, or even just living your life, and then one day, you realize you’re no longer a kid, and that your desires are more “grown-up” and the kid-stuff no longer applies to you.

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Here’s the thing:  You don’t have to be going through puberty to understand this philosophy.

As humans, we naturally evolve based on our habitat, culture, and generation we are applied to.  Just as fads and trends change with each passing decade, so do your thoughts, feelings, and ideaology as well.  It’s what makes us such amazing beings.

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Last year, in fact, sometime around this part of the day on December 31st, I sat down in my little apartment and wrote out a piece of paper that had the following things:

GOALS FOR 2015

Continue down the path of authenticity

Write more

Get married

Buy a new house

The good news is, I achieved each one of these very goals.  YAY ME!

The bad news is, I’ve got a LONG way to go….

So, in order to really really achieve my authentic self, my blogging, my marriage, and my new home, I have to make a change.

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I know what this change is.  I feel it so strongly that I opened up to my parents, my husband, one of my Uncles and my best friend. Yeah, I don’t screw around…when making big changes, you don’t want those you are close to to be completely thrown off course.  Believe it or not, even if no one else has a right to dictate how you live, it is always a courtesey to make sure they at least KNOW what you are planning.  The shock value has all but disappeared, therefore creating less drama in your life.

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So, in light of my last blog and the things I’ve experienced the last few months, I’ve decided I’m making only ONE goal this year.  But oh boy, it’s a big one.  Look, I don’t like being a tease, and my readers know that one of the best forms of authenticity is it be as transparent as you can be.  Right now, I have a lot of things I need to think about.  My decisions I make at my age are never made in haste and are NEVER taken lightly.  But the thing is, the result of this goal is going to help continue to achieve the happiness and well-being of all the other goals I’ve ever set on.

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Truly, just writing this all out makes my decisions more real, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to chicken out on making my dreams come true.

No matter how crazy or unbelievable they are.

The last few decisions I made for myself that had the same desire surge from within me was knowing I wanted to marry my husband, buy a house, and walk away from certain people that no longer serve me.  Each one of those things has brought me nothing but blissful peace.

I can do this.  Hell yeah.  I’m so gonna do this!

Much Bohemian Love,

Bridget

The Ascension Series: Tough Time Ascending Today with Tough Symptoms…

13008_370339603096015_1639333944_nSo, let me tell you what happened to me today.

It is incredibly frustrating to try to put this all into words, so bear with me here.  I’ve been wanting to type this out all evening, but my laptop is not working correctly, so I am out on the main computer, where I am inundated with boxes and clutter galore, getting ready for some big changes ahead.

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(Me 9/2/2015…long day….Need much needed sleep now…)

Now, I know many of you have been reading up on the Ascension Process, and I hope that you have done more research as well as joined support groups that specialize in helping people through the big changes humanity is currently going through.

Now, for the naysayers, there’s no need to comment or criticize the things I say.  I already know there are some people who think I’m a big old whackadoodle, and that’s okay.  I am.  But, I’m a whackadoodle who gives a shit about this world and the people who live in it, so thank you for your opinions, but right now there are not necessarily needed.  I know many people do not believe in the Ascension process and the Awakening shifts.  It’s okay!  It’s hard to believe, I get it.  When people surround themselves with doctrines that does not allow room for growth, it’s almost impossible to believe in things out of the ordinary.  And maybe this is not the time for you to be going through what many others are dealing with.  It doesn’t make anyone better or worse, because all of our journeys are just that sacred, that no one, not even me, has a right to say what you believe in.

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The last several days I have been going through some inner turmoil when the Earth’s energy shifted around August 28th.  It’s been a pattern that many people have been seeing since the major shifts occurred around December of 2012.  And with the Blood/Supermoons surrounded the sacred Jewish holidays, prophecies have been foretold and let’s face it:  some of it is actually happening.  Our financial institutions are taking hits, the Karmic year I originally stated in one of my blogs at the beginning of the year is in full force.  What does this mean?  Look at China, Greece, Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, The Ferguson shootings, Police brutality, Ashley Madison, Earthquakes and Mudslides….It is indeed, a karmic year.  It means that things that people, governments, companies, banks, and other primary forces did wrong back in the day are kind of coming back to bite them in the tookus.  In Wicca, it’s the Wiccan Rede, in Christianity, it’s the Golden Rule.  Treat others the way you were meant to be treated.  Do unto others the way you do unto me.  The Three-Fold Law:  What you reap, you sow.  I’ve been saying this for years: “Board up your glass houses before throwing stones”…Jesus even stated in the Bible, “He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone…”

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Karma.

So, take this karmic year, add the energy shifts/gamma rays that the Earth is physically experiencing, as well as people’s spiritual philosophies are evolving, and you have a recipe for Ascension symptoms!  Today alone was brutal for me, as I’m about to explain what happen to myself in my own little world.

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The last several days have been tough.  I’ve been experiencing additional emotions that I already deal with on a daily basis.  What that means is that my patience, although already low, was felt more acutely.  I have been feeling nothing but tension in the air, even though there have been no reasons for my tension.  I have a happy home life, am madly in love, and am about to embark on an amazing journey that I haven’t had in my life since 2007.  So, life in all has been nice.  But why haven’t I been feeling it?  I’ve been feeling edgy, cranky, tired…oh my goodness…so tired!  You would think I was pregnant!  Falling asleep at 8pm and not being able to wake up the next day.  Or some nights I’m wide awake till near midnight and feel fully refreshed and ready to go at 5am!

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My chest has been tightening.  Not because of any physical pulmonary ailments.  No, stress, anxiety and overall chaos in my head have been giving me straight up panic attacks.  And even still, I wear a smile on my face and try to save face to those around me, because I don’t want what’s going on inside of me to become fodder for those who don’t care to or won’t understand.  People don’t think I don’t hear what is being said about me.  People who I thought loved and cared about me, really have hidden agendas.  As much as my own family hates to admit it to me, I’m glad my own family is honest enough to remind me I am still very much naïve and vulnerable to the attacks that go on behind my back.

And still I smile.

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Today, though…where to begin?  I woke up after finally getting a semi-decent night sleep.  I woke up only once for about 45 minutes, so to me that was a successful sleep.  Usually I can be up hours in the middle of the night.  If I had the ability to sleep in until 9-10 AM every day, I might consider that a decent sleep habit.  On my way to work I felt just sad.  I don’t know why.  I just felt sad.  I was thinking of the things I needed to do today at work, and although I was grateful I had no meetings today, and no crazy expectations that needed to be made, I still felt panicked about…something.  So, for the last 20 minutes of my drive, I cried.  For no reason other than I knew my body needed to release something.

BREATHE

Cut to getting into work.  I was sitting at my desk waiting for my computer to log on, when my chest started tightening again.  I felt ridiculously uncomfortable.  I was cold, then hot, then cold again.  Thank goodness no one else was near me.  I pulled my pant legs up and started fanning my knees.  Next thing I knew my legs became incredibly restless.  They were bobbing up and down and I couldn’t get them to stop.  I was literally gripping onto my arm skin, feeling like I needed to shed myself somehow.  Like the feeling of being in my own body was so debilitating.  What the hell was going on with me?  I started sweating and I felt like I was going to pass out.  I knew I was having another panic attack.  At this point I literally was thinking of the Clonzapin and Xanax that was sitting in my nightstand, knowing full well I hadn’t touched these pills in well over a year, and here I was contemplating driving home to grab some.  I felt desperate.  But I have been off my medication for over a year, and I am a better person because of it.  What was going on with me today, and most recently is a phenomena that I am not used to.  Our bodies are made to heal themselves, and there are plants, botanicals, weeds, oils, seeds and other natural products Gaia gave us on this Earth to utilize.  And ever since I started using them, I know my symptoms of what I deal with have dwindled.

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(Happy Me with some Kratom Tea)

But today, oy today was different.

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(We’re ascending baby! UGH)

I quick grabbed a cup of Kratom tea and drank it, while putting on some BiNaural Beats on YouTube, in hopes that my brain would calm herself down and allow my body to calm down.  It took 3 cups of tea and a respite out in my car at lunchtime to finally get that calm.  4 ½ hours, though, was pure torment.  I couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t do much but watch the time and pray that I could get outside and into nature to relieve myself of whatever toxins inside of me wanted out.  Even now, thinking about it, I don’t EVER want to feel what I went through this morning EVER again.  But most likely, I will.  Because it’s all part of the process.  If it means I need to detox myself physically, emotionally, spiritually and psychologically in order to achieve that feeling of completion with God, I’m going to do whatever I can, even if it means moving through hell and back.

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We have a UNIVERSAL DESIRE to want to complete our relationship with God.  The feeling of separation is so powerful anymore that thousands of people are feeling it.  I am in an amazing support group for people going through the Ascension process and apparently today was a rough day for MANY people.  All we can do is continue to rest our bodies and keep our minds and spirits calm.  Especially now that the veils between the world are beginning to thin with Autumn beginning, many are feeling the effects of that too.  But I know the world is going through great changes.  And we are part of these great changes.  And many times, great changes come great conflicts.  Our old consciousness…the ego itself…is dying; and trust me, it’s not going down without a fight.  Why wouldn’t it want to put you through torment?  It doesn’t want to go!  And it’s going to make you think you NEED the ego!  You do NOT.  We are spiritual beings living a physical existence.  We GOT this.  Great pains we are going through, but can you only imagine the great rewards to sticking it out?

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Continue to love, people.  Continue to fight for your love and fight for your right to love.  We are all amazing light beings who are a part of the one true creator who makes us who we are.  Slowly we are ascending back to our creator.  We are traveling and leaving the 3rd dimension.  It’s not going to be easy.

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But then again, if it was easy, everyone would do it.  The hard, is what makes it so great.

Get some rest.  You don’t need to join a gym or a spa to get that respite.  Take a bath.  Anoint yourself with precious oils.  Meditate.  Drink herbal teas.  Listen to your favorite music.  Walk in the rain.  Keep your body cool. Wash your face.  Drink lots of water.  And remember:  You’re going to be just FINE.  I promise you that.  xoxo

namaste

The Ascension Series: My Thoughts on Heaven…

JOYWhat I’m about to speak of is a very delicate subject for many people.  In fact, on my personal Facebook page this morning I posted a video narrated by the great Alan Watts who gives a great explanation on the subject.  I can only hope that after I’m through, some of you will feel better and more at ease about something we all have to experience one day.

Death.

Someone last week asked me a very cool question. “What do you think Heaven is like?”

Now, this may come as a shock to my readers, as most of my posts on Facebook are beautiful inspirational memes and such, as I love to look at the positive side of things. And trust me, I do. But when it comes to Heaven, it is a never ending subject on my mind. I think about death ALL. THE. TIME. Not because I’m scared of it. I learned long ago not to be scared of death. I think if I have the fear of anything, it’s the “transition” from this life into the next.   I’ve been in the presence of people who have passed on, and believe me, it is a beautiful moment. To go from living in a life of pain, worry, fear and such, to moving into a state of relentless bliss, love, and contentment, is something I crave to know on a daily basis, and yet I am somewhat scared but excited at the same time when that time comes.

So, this blog today is going to be what I think Heaven is like. I hope you are able to picture what I picture in my dreams every night. So let’s start from the transition:

Most people who experience NDR (Near Death Experiences) have the same thing happen, so for the sake of argument we’re going to use this as a beginning stage: They are floating over their body, feeling a magnetic pull of some sort to go up. When you feel that magnetic pull, you know it’s time to move. Allow your spirit to be taken on up on its own. Feel the pull and allow yourself to move with it. I believe that going towards that “light” that most people see is the tunneling effect. You are riding on waves of pure love energy, if you could physically see it, waves of beautiful rainbow-like waves in the ocean.

When I was 1 year old, I was very ill.  In fact, I’m going to be pretty straightforward when I tell you I almost died.  Do I remember being sick?  Nope.  But I do remember things many other people might not be able to justify.  Warmth, light, unicorns, angels, and a great meadow where I remember laying in the grass.  Could this been a NDR?  Possibly.  In fact, I truly believe each and every one of us has been there in one way or another.  Now as a grown adult woman, I have learned the art of Astral traveling, which is a form of the soul leaving the body , but still tethered to the physical body so I don’t pass on.  It is an amazing tool to understand how amazing human beings are, and how we are gifted with SO many things, yet most of us only tap into 1% of these gifts.

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the-light

Anyway, back to the tunnel.  I then find myself in a room of all white, far as my old human eyes can see (mind you, I am no longer a body, but pure light, however my old consciousness still depicts me as having a body). In this room is where I meet my guardian angels and guides, who greet me with enthusiastic abundance. Some of these guides are going to be people I know. I know if I were to die right now, two people would come to greet me immediately: My first boyfriend, Tracy, and my Mom-Mom. I am hoping that number will increase as I get older. Jesus and Mary will be there, and as a sister and daughter, I will run into their arms in pure joy.

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While I am talking with everyone and getting reacquainted with spirit life again, I see the room as turned into a grand meadow, surrounded by lush grass, trees and flowers of all sorts. The weather is bright, mild, with a beautiful breeze that allows the fragrances of the flowers to whirl throughout the air. This is where I am going to see all my old family and friends who have passed on before me. I can only imagine the type of reunion that is going to be. I am going to meet my child who died inside of me 9 weeks into my second pregnancy. Life, as I know it, is in a perfect state of bliss. There is a light that surrounds all of us and the area around, but I cannot find the sun. It is because Heaven is nothing but pure light.

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Before long, my guides tell me I need to go do my Life Review. For many people, this is usually suggested as being judged at the Pearly Gates. I no longer believe in that. I do know we have to do our Life review, and understand and come to terms with all the good AND bad things we did in our last life. This is where I am taken to my Akashic Records Room. Each one of us has our own place where our Akashic Records (a collection of every life we’ve ever lived, otherwise known as the Big Book of Life). Many years ago I did a meditation where I visited my Akashic Records, and it was amazing where I was taken to. Come walk with me into my Akashic Records….

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My guides and I are standing on a beach on the coast of where that meadow that we’ve been standing on has been. It is beginning to fall into nighttime, but the night sky is still very bright, almost purplish pink, with millions of stars. On either side my guides help me rise up into the air, where we begin to glid through the air and over the vast ocean of knowledge. We are traveling to my personal Akashic Records. Before long I can see the coast, and it is a lush and vibrant green, unlike any green we has seen on earth. Fields of magnificent willow trees and flowers adorn the countryside. In the center of this area lies a gigantic castle-like building, and all of a sudden I begin to remember that this is where my Book of Life resides. This is where I go when I leave for a new life, and this is where I come back to review it. Home base. My soul’s place of establishment. We come to the ground, and I begin to walk up the stone stairs. I still can’t believe there are just so many flowers! We come to the door, two gigantic purple wooden doors with a great lock that only I can unlock. My energy touches the door, and it unlocks and opens up. We all begin to walk inside the building when we see everything in there begin to lighten up as our spirits enter. I look up and see beautiful paintings of all my previous lives I’ve lives, going back thousands and thousands of years. Helping me understand why I had so many deja vou occurances during this last life. We forget that many of us have souls that have been here for eons. I know I am no exception. Although not as old as others (like my son, Timmy or godson, Brandon), I am still and old soul.


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In the center of the floor lies a spiral stone staircase that spirals down to a lower level, and I begin my descent. I come to another door, and again I use my soul’s energy to allow entrance into it. As I walk inside, I can smell the wood and paper from all the shelves and books that line what looks to be a grand library. Looking around on the shelves I see ornaments and souveniers that my memories brought with me after death, to transform into matter here. To help me remember what I loved most. Pictures, toys, books, jewelry, music, so much all over the shelves and walls, it brings a smile to my face how many lives I’ve lived. But my focus is cut short when I feel the energy of God coming through. I turn to the door and my guides split like the Red Sea, allow a massive violet-like energy to enter. I know it is the essence of God in it’s beautiful form coming to me to do my Life Review. I take my seat in front of a desk, that even though this was my own, I was not in charge of this moment. Within moments, a gigantic book appears on the desk, almost metallic in its finishing. It sparkles like diamonds in the sunlight. God opens this book and there it is. The life of Bridget Ann Mulhall. I all of a sudden am given memories of every lie I told, everything I ever stole, cheated on, berated, judged, hurt. This is such an important step in the Life Review, because you need to know if you have done enough good Karma that would outweigh the bad. We look at the original contract of my life, and talk about any amendments that happen within it afterwards. We look upon then all the good I’ve done. The people I’ve helped, the sacrifices I made. And like the scales of justice, we weigh in what my life really was about.

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At this point, I would say I’ve paid off most of my Karma in this life. But definitely not all of it. God looks at me and (hopefully) says, “Bridget, you led a decent life, despite your setbacks. You must cleanse yourself of the rest of the Karma you have, then feel free to go on as you wish.” This would give me the opportunity to start a new life, and stay in the Heavens. I do believe I am close to finishing my Earth contract, so I am thinking I would not be reborn again. Or if I would, I will have very few lives left. Knowing that God knows I am truly sorry for all the wrong I’ve ever caused, directly or indirectly, God sends me to a place to cleanse my soul. To me, some people go immediately there after dying, because there might be just too much darkness covering their soul, and need to get it cleansed before even getting to their Life Review. But, for me, I can only HOPE I’ve done enough good in this life to warrant a gentle cleanse! (don’t we all). I honestly do not know the amount of work needed to cleanse the rest of your soul, but I would like to think we would have to work, and work hard, to realign our soul back to its original brightness.

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Once that is completed, I am able to walk into the gates of the great city. Newly covered in a beautiful white robe/tunic, I begin my journey into a great gate that is enclosed with a massive white wall engulfing the city itself. But the doors open, and I can smell the citrus in the air, and the scent of flowers that tingle my toes. And it is a great city. Beautiful architecture that our Earth cannot comprehend, waters iridescent and glowing, colors no human can truly understand. Everything is just so bright and happy. People are reuniting. Families are together again. I find my family. My SOUL family. They are waiting for me and I run to them, as I can recognize them from afar. I feel them all sweep me up in a sense of such love no human could consume it without imploding. Feeling home again, I reacquaint myself with my surroundings again, as they take me back to my home. Yes, I have a home in the city. To me, the great city is a cross between Rivendell, Lothlorien and The Shire. Everything is in its natural state, and positively perfect.   I can hear music but I don’t know where it’s coming from. It is as if the air itself has its own melody. And just like every city there are restaurants, stores, and other places of trade. Yet there is no monetary commerce. Everything is on a volunteer/helping/trade basis. And it works perfectly. Some people call this great city the astral city, or one of the first of the many heavens. It’s where most people go after they die. And right now, it’s where I want to be, before I decide on my next journey.

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kingdom

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What do I see my soul doing now that it is no longer a physical being living on Earth? I’d like to think I would go back to school and understand where I screwed up and how I can better myself in the next life, should I choose to go back. I’d like to visit other Heavenly Realms and seek the wisdom and guidance of the Ascended Masters, like St. Germain. I’d like to have the opportunity to fly down at night to Earth and quickly visit my loved ones I have left, and let them know I’m still there and still loving them. Speaking of flying, that’s what I cannot WAIT to do. To fly again. I have many dreams that involve water and flying. It’s incredible, really. I’ve always dreamt of flying high in the skies from sunset to sunrise. If I ever had a soundtrack or theme song for that outing it would be “Walking In The Air” by Chloe Agnew from Celtic Woman. But something about having the freedom a bird has and flying around, feeling the breeze hit you, knowing you are fully safe, is something I long for.

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I’d like to think right now I am somewhere in the midst of my ascension process, and that when my life is over here on Earth I would be able to ascend to a new dimension and help those who need it. Walking away from “religion” and instead finding that Oneness with God on my terms has been without a doubt, blissful. To be in Communion with God on a daily basis instead of feeling I have to perform a weekend obligatory ritual with Mass, is more peaceful. But don’t get me wrong: I would never mock someone who has found their life and relationship with God in the Church. Never take advantage of when you find your caller to our Creator. This is my calling. So, I no longer fear death. I no longer fear the unknown, because the Creator is in my life at all times, and that’s all I need. It’s why I dream so vividly about Heaven! The Summerlands, the Undying Lands, whatever you want to call Heaven, is majestic in just a thought…can you only imagine actually BEING there? And we were! At one point, we were there. And sooner or later, we will be going back home again.

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What does YOUR Heaven look like?

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Sunday Ramblings of a Tired Hobbit….

It’s Sunday morning, and I’ve accomplished SO much, and yet I feel I haven’t even broken a dent in my day.  Summer can be truly glorifying when your home is at a state of organization.  But I am sure most of you would agree with me that rare do we have an organized home.  Still, I am grateful that I got up this morning, that I got to the store, made 3 ½ pounds of homemade meatballs, and picked up a bag of clothes from my sister.  All in all, a productive day so far.  My darling husband, sweet man that he is, has been domesticated bliss and I cannot appreciate him any more than I do right now.  While I was out gallivanting around to get the unordinary chores completed, he was at home doing laundry, dishes, and taking the trash and recycling out.  How amazing is he?  And yet, I come home from my chores, incredibly stressed out and irritated, and still manages to be romantic and sweet, even though I wasn’t able to reciprocate it back to him immediately.  It’s how we complement each other that makes me so blessed.

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My sweetie, isn’t he dishy?

When I am down, he balances me back up, and when he is down, I do the same.  As humans, it is impossible to be 100% of the time.  We are bound to make mistakes and mess up.  And it had been so long since I had a partner in my life who actually GROUNDED me.  His love shows me every day I still have so much to learn not only about myself, but how much I can truly give if I just try harder.  So, I’m doing my best to be less irritated, and spend more time at being happy my boys are spending some downtime to themselves, something we ALL need.

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This summer has been at the very least, semi-challenging.  Most weekends have been spent busy at parties and events that required our presence, and although I love being around my friends and family, the lack of quiet time that many of us actually do get in the late autumn pre and post-holiday chaos is significantly felt, which no doubt, aids in my tension.  As I am preparing my journey from the Mother to the Crone stage of life, I have found my love for Spring, although still very strong, is beginning to wane, while my love for Autumn is beginning to grow.  Spring and Autumn have always been my two favorite seasons, but Spring has been without a doubt my favorite.  Easter/Ostara has always been my favorite holiday, however my love for Samhain has definitely curbed my Spring appeal.  Something about quieting down, going within, that makes my stomach warm with butterflies.  My longing for October and November gets stronger every morning I wake up.  I feel the seasons changing as we speak, and my desire for the following things is seriously heeding my call:

  • Bon/Camp Fires
  • Hot Apple/Mulled Cider
  • Caramel Apples
  • Burning Leaves
  • Everything in their orange, red and yellow glory
  • Pumpkin Patches and Corn Mazes
  • Hayrides
  • Mums
  • My apartment being adorned with orange lights and leaves

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Beautiful enchanted forest during fall or autumn, great fairy tale background, hdr

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I am sitting here, enjoying a nice warm cup of Kratom tea, and the butterflies are fluttering like crazy in my belly.  My headset is currently listening to “Embraced” by Paul Cardall, and realizing I need to start making my Autumn 2015 playlist!  What shall I put on it this year??????  Last year, I had Ingrid Michelson start my playlist with “Girls Chase Boys” with a follow up of All About That Bass by Post Modern Jukebox featuring Kate Smith and Adele’s Set Fire To the Rain.  Would love to know your thoughts, as a musician, I am ALWAYS looking for new music to listen to.  Right now I am straight head-on listening to mostly New Age/Dark Celtic music such as Enya, Clannad, Loreena McKennit, Gandalf, 2002 and Secret Garden.  Really, this music is sort of my go-to music when I am turning inward, so it only goes to understand why I would be listening to this kind right now.  But I do like a twist during my Autumn-time, as I always see Autumn as the romantic season.  There is something about cloudy, dark, rainy, cold days that puts me in that “mood”.  Maybe it’s the cuddling!  Some other artists that have made an Autumn playlist in the past include:

  • Omnia
  • Nox Arcana
  • Faun
  • Damn the Bard
  • Emerald Rose
  • Spiral Rhythm
  • Coyote Run (now respectfully called Picti)
  • Albannach
  • Dead Can Dance
  • Qntal

I love using these artists above because they make SUCH AMAZING music!!!!!!  Please let me know if there is a specific band you want to hear more about, because I will definitely blog about them!  I am a singer, writer and pianist and sacred drummer, so I’m always looking out for new stuff!

So, I know this was a hodge podge of information today, but I wanted to get it out there, so we can talk more about things!  I still have to get back to my 40 days of Spirit, I promise this week I will get a new post on that!  In the meantime, I leave you with my new favorite band, I’ve been in love with these ladies since I found them last year on a Woman Tribal Facebook page I am a member of.  It’s my new theme song (you know how I feel we all need one), as it truly speaks of who I am.  As a Northern Appalachian Shamanka/Hedge Witch, whatever you want to call me, being able to help heal people through the Earth is something that lives within me and truly gets me out of the bed every day.  I hope you like them…They are Rising Appalachia:

Personal Freedom and Responsibility…

wpid-sad-silhouette-1080946-m.jpgI am fighting a battle I cannot win.

Every day I am dealing with a struggle that many people on this earth look at as an easy constant in their lives. I wake up every single morning with the same underlying thoughts that I’ve had for so many years I can no longer remember when they began. But they are there, like an addiction reminding me it’s never going to go away. Is there something wrong with me? Is this a cry for help? Is this just to get some attention? The truth is, I don’t know. It may be, and may not be. But I know one thing is for certain: The older I am getting, the more this feeling inside of me grows considerably stronger.

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The things I’m about to say may seem odd to the normal lay person, and for that I’m sorry. Maybe I’m wrong and just pre-judging something that doesn’t even really exist. Maybe none of us are really “normal”. There isn’t a set definition to the term in my own eyes, unless it is to describe society as a whole. For me, though, I know quite well I’m not normal. And for what it’s worth, I’m really fine with that. Sure, sometimes I wish I was like the “society” norm and wear clothes that fit my physical age, or cut my hair to show representation of motherhood, or decorate my house in Pottery Barn-esq type décor. Don’t get me wrong – if you are one of those people who does each one of those things and you feel strongly convicted in your life decisions in those areas, I’m not mocking you. In fact, sometimes I’m quite jealous of you! Why do I think differently?

The way society explains how the “norm” should be is not what I am, so please do not take offense of my choice to leverage my version of this definition. Like I said above, there should be NO true definition of the word normal, because it really is based on the culture that a living being is living in. I live in The United States, in a Suburban living neighborhood/apartment complex, in a semi-quiet town not far from some of the big city adventures. I am happily married to a man I truly call my best friend in the world. I was a single mother of a son for a long time, who at one point worked 3 jobs to cover the cost of living. I am an emotional eater and a social drinker. I work for a financial institution that thrives on helping people strengthen their financial retirement goals. I sit in an 8×8 cubical desk area from 8-4:30pm Monday through Friday, while my children go to Summer Camp or School. I drive an affordable Mitsubishi Outlander that I aptly named Jamie Fraser. (I Heart Outlander) I am the eldest of three daughters to parents who have been happily married for 40 years. I had boyfriends, proms, late nights out at the bar, and phone conversations for 3-4 hours with friends because my parents gave me that allowance. But I was unhappy for a good majority of my younger life, with things that happened to me, and well, resulted in me doing bad things that at the time, did not realize how bad they were. I was functionally living an unfunctional life. This was my norm from age 1-19.

Then….things happened. (that’s for another time.)

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From age 20 until present day, I would spend hours, days, months, in absolute secrecy, writing my everyday thoughts, daydreaming things I only thought were fantasy. I was ashamed to ever speak about it because quite frankly, no one I knew ever showed a modicum of interest in the things I was thinking about. I was petrified on a continuous basis for living this…lie. I found myself watching documentaries of other cultures and other countries, and seeing how some other places gave people more freedom of the creativity that I obsessed of having.   What the heck was I doing wrong? There is only one word for that.

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Fear.

You can be the most holy of clergyman, the most intelligent of scholars, and yet, if you live in any sort of fear, you are living in the dark. And guess what? Most of us live in fear. How? Well, mainly the majority of people live in fear of judgment of what other people will say about decisions they make. This is honestly one of humanities biggest fallbacks. We are so concerned and involved in the worriment of the thoughts of others that we in turn sacrifice our very own wants, needs and desires to make others feel better. I’ve spoken of this a lot over the years because it’s one of my biggest challenges. News flash: If people want to use what I write as fodder for their amusement or gossip, I can’t stop them. But how dare I stop what calls me, what thrives within me, what makes me whole? For what? To make others stop talking about me? To hope others MIGHT take me seriously? I find it funny that those who disagree with my life are the very ones who, no matter what, will never take me seriously, but when push comes to shove, will come to me when they need it most and I have NEVER turned my cheek. It’s the nature of the beast and I can’t and will never stop that. I will never stop helping those I love and care about, even if they cannot respect or understand the journey I am on. But I will not stop talking. I will not stop writing. It’s what I love to do. It’s my soul freeing itself from the chains of slavery inside this physical matter called a body.

Why, am I then, FIGHTING?

Yesterday I had a talk with a good friend of mine who reached out saying she wanted to help me on my path to a happier life. Without going into more detail, tonight after work I’m going to start what many would call a “dream board”.

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A dream board is a collection or collage of things that you want in your life that make you brilliantly happy. And if you could do or have something every day, put it on this board. It will help the person understand better by physically LOOKING at what you want, rather than dreaming it inside your head. Many project managers and marketing directors look to dream boards to help aid in the brainstorming process. I look forward to putting much together.

In the meantime, I will continue to keep my nose to the grindstone and get through each day with a happy and hopeful heart. Dreams are coming to reality, slowly BUT surely. I’ve never been more certain in my entire life that I am exactly where I need to be in life to be the best person I CAN be. I will NEVER go back to that state of darkness. Not for all the money in the world. Because that, my friends, is really playing with the devil. And the devil plays no part in my life, even if some think otherwise.

Suit Up!

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Wooo Woooo!!!

Well, talk about a major uplift! I got a SLEW of emails and private messages from people telling me in a way to rock on with mah bad self. That even at 41 years old, whatever can make me ding dong happy, DO IT. So, guess what kids? I’m gonna DO IT!

Okay, so what was my list again?

  • Dye hair a fun and VIBRANT color
  • Get long dread extensions
  • Nose Pierced
  • Tattoos on back and arms
  • Medical Piercing on my Ear for Migraines
  • Travel to different countries
  • Go to Bermuda for another honeymoon
  • Have High Tea with my girlfriends
  • Yoga AND Belly Dance on a Daily/Weekly Basis
  • Become a model
  • Learn Sacred Drumming
  • Buy and RV and go camping
  • Open a Red Tent
  • PHYSICALLY open up a New Age/Metaphysical store
  • Get my child into college (well, that’s gonna happen no matter what!)

Okay, so it looks like some of these can be done quickly, where others can be done gradually. So, let’s set it to a vote! What do you want to see this Hobbit do first???? I will give this until the end of this week and we will go from here – mind you, some of these will require some monetary funds, which may not be available right now, but heck, I sure as heck will start planning!!!!!!!

So, without further adieu….

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