Tag Archive | house

Dreams as of Late…

So, it’s no surprise I have been a bit absent in my writing lately. There is good reason, I promise. Beside the one thing that I am about to announce here, I will admit the muse has temporarily left the building. And it has nothing to do with anything else other than just some good all-around exhaustion. For my readers who know me on a personal level, I have been withholding some information about what’s going on in my life. My only reason for not talking about it is that the last time something really amazing happened, I announced it and it backfired in such an extreme I fell into a deep depression for a long time. My sweet husband, Scott, then made me promise him to not make any other big announcements until things are FOR CERTAIN…

And so, on Friday, my husband and I made a major decision and settled on our first house! We are now official homeowners! My permaculture dream is now in the next phase of coming true!

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The Happy Homeowners!

Over the last couple weeks, my head has been deep into my day planner, working on landscaping designs and lists of all the plant life that I want to plant. I did show my husband the list, and although he was a bit nervous over the amount that I am looking to plant (around 30-40 species), and equally worried I’m going to take up the majority of the yard, leaving no lawn area unturned, I assured him that will eventually happen well after our boys are moved out of the house when they get older. Until then, I am going to take up the perimeter of the entire yard, with one small section branching out a bit, for the sole purpose of developing the permaculture sustainable life I am looking to have created here. Also, the front and side yard will also be immersed in deep, hardy planting. Right now I have short term and long term goals. My short term goals (for the next 6-8 months) are simply creating, laying, and getting the beds ready for planting by deteriorating parts of the grass with cuttings, cardboard, leaves, etc. My goal is to not till unless absolutely necessary.

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Didn’t realize we had been living in a cardboard fort for months!

I am also looking to create a compost station, so I can finally educate my boys on the art and science of composting with the nutrients that come from our foods, plant life and waste. To be able to create the “gold” that is home-bred compost is something that (yes) I dream of at night. While some people dream of exotic vacations or a romantic mate to love, no, this girl here dreams of a passionate love affair with compost heaps.   Another thing (and yes, this is on my Christmas list), is the ability to create or build a small polytunnel next to our shed, so that any of my late winter, early spring seedlings will be able to sprout and grow, preparing themselves to get into the ground and do their magic. That’s it. My goal over the next 6 months is get that done. To be able to grow 12 months out of the year…oh how extraordinary that will be!

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Couldn’t have done that move on Friday without my best girl, Jenny.  She was there the moment I came home for the first time.  I was drying off here after being out in the cold rain for a few hours.

Long term? Building and putting together a chicken/hen house for laying fresh eggs, and lots of garden beds around the front, side and back of the house. My big goal is to retire from my company in 10 years, so that I can create an official homestead while making all the oils, teas and tinctures that I will eventually put up for sale. Let alone creating crops that I will be able to help local co-ops and nurseries who will buy my plants to sell. One of my upcoming blogs I will show you my formal list of everything I am looking to plant. I am putting this out now: If you happen to have ANY seeds that you would be willing to donate, I would be eternally grateful. This is a ten year goal I am putting out there. Ten years to create the heaven I have been dreaming for as long as I can remember.   I am also looking out for pots, peat pots, ceramic, terra cotta, plastic, wood, tires, old boots, cast iron pots, you name it, if I can plant in it, please send it to me. Starting from scratch is going to be tedious, but it is a journey I have been looking forward to for so long. Please also, if anyone has any cuttings, plant waste, or compost they would be willing to donate to my beginning pile, please feel free to message me!

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Our  boys enjoying their first meal in our new home!

Seriously, I cannot even begin to tell you the absolute joy I am feeling in my heart right now. I’ve endured a lot of trials and tribulations in my life, and so much of it was of my own doing. To finally see the hope, the results, the realization of so many prayers, dreams and wishes on a star…coming to fruition…well, all I can say is that I have been crying happy tears for many days.

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Beginnings of the new kitchen

There are two women who I have been following these last few years, two women who have been working and living the very dream that I have been dreaming. These two women have laid it out on the line, no holds barred, in living this dream-inspired life. And although I cannot give myself 100% to what I dream of yet, I see through these muses the very life I know I will have one day. I am grateful to my husband and sons for humoring me with their equal anticipation on making compost teas and digging in the dirt!

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So, Colette and Jacqui, I can only pray I am 1/10th as amazing as you both are in your lives.

To see where I am coming from, please take a gander to these two amazing websites:

www.bealtainecottage.org and www.moonmother.net

Come visit them and you will understand why my belly is so full of butterflies right now! I wonder if our Creator felt like this when it was decided we were going to be created? Because I am going out of my mind with excitement!

We decided to call our home, Mabon House, since our journey of moving occurred around the time of the ancient Celtic Harvest Fire Festival of Mabon, which means Gratitude and Thanksgiving.  It only seemed appropriate to call our new home based on how we feel right now.

Much love and blessings,

Bridget

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Happy Hobbit

Weekend of Birthdays, Lammas and Close Friends…

Hi there!

Hoping everyone is enjoying their weekend in a blissful manner!  With the Blue Moon on Friday and Lammas yesterday, it has proved to be high energy all around me and my brood this weekend.  Yesterday was my son’s 13th birthday, and I LOVED watching his face turn to absolute happiness when he opened up his present and saw the ONE thing he wanted more than life itself – A GoPro – A professional action/underwater camcorder and camera.  See, for many years, all my son wanted to be was a WWE Champion.  He even went so far as to go out for the Wrestling team at school, but that lasted one season, as his absolute HATE for competition turned him away from it all.  It’s what I love most about my son; he is an incredibly inclusive person, and although he loves to watch competitive sports, he would rather not do it himself because he just didn’t like having to face/fight another person.  He’s such an old soul, and would rather sit behind the scenes now and help people have the spotlight.  So, when he opened his present and saw that camera, it made how painstakingly saving money for that camera just even more worthwhile.  He has been studying up on directors like George Lucas and Stanley Kubrick, and I know when my son has an interest, I know to watch it closely and study HIM while he envelops himself in everything pertaining to that subject. His reasoning to want to be a director?  “Because I love to make movies.”  That’s my boy.

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Sadly, I only got to spend time with him a few hours yesterday, because this year he was to spend the day with his dad about an hour away.  So, it was nice to get together with some friends that live close to me to celebrate and acknowledge the Holiday known as Lammas.

We went to our friend Maria’s house, where we and a couple other people got together and literally TALKED the entire afternoon well into the evening.  It was such an incredible day and the peace and loving energy that was around that small group was what I needed knowing I didn’t have my boy on his big day.  Instead, I got to play with this little fella:

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(Ronan the Indestructible)

So, we sat over appetizers, sat down to a hearty Italian meal, and feasted upon 100 year old depression glass dinnerware….

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(My plate was called Miss America)

Usually when I go to any kind of party or gathering, they usually last about 3 hours.  No, this one started around 1:30pm and lasted a little past 9pm.  We were all kind of shocked at the fact time sort of stood still yesterday.  There were no children there (except Mighty Ronan)…it was just a semi-quiet group of adults who I’ve known for at least 10 years of this amazing life.  And yesterday just continued to prove that I do have one!

We don’t have a lot of money, we live in a tiny apartment, we’re cluttered and tired and frustrated, but all in all, we are indeed grateful for what we have.  And that is what the Lammas season is all about!  It’s about reaping all that we were dreaming about months earlier, and enjoying that harvest, and being grateful no matter what!!!!  It’s not always about food!  It’s about friends, family, and of course your OWN personal journey to finding YOU.

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So, today, while my son, who came home last night, is out with his cousin cheering him on in his playoff baseball game, I will be busy here at home, tending to some more clutter, putting more out on the yard sale site, and enjoying some quiet time with my sweet husband.  We are hoping in the next week to start getting our Autumn decor up….oh!  That reminds me!  So, I wanted to show you what I got this past week!!!!!!

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It wouldn’t be The Hobbit Flat without some flags to adorn the place!  Target had these burlap flags on display and I HAD to get a couple of them!  I love flags, in fact this post just reminded me I need to get my Tibetan Prayer Flags up today, so right now, for Harvest time, I am trying to figure out if I should just keep them plain, or if I should put words or a saying on them.  Would love to know your thoughts!  Hopefully if I can get my energy up and good, I will show give you guys a little tour of the Hobbit Flat, our home.  Until then, have a great Sunday and keep doing you!

………………………….Oh yeah, speaking of reaping….

Last year I planted a small tomato plant.  It went rogue last year until I had to physically pull it out in mid-December.  Well, she didn’t like that, and seeded herself quietly when I wasn’t looking.  Around May we had over 20 seedlings creeping up everywhere, including our next door neighbor!  We pulled all but a couple out and gave them away….I can’t keep up with them!!!!!

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       (seriously, it’s THAT insane!)

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Lammas and the Autumn Season!

I wanted to share this with you last week but life happens – I wake up each morning and do my usual morning ritual: Stumble out of bed, walk into the bathroom to piddle, start the shower and gather my towels.   Once the shower is over, I wake my boys up, and prepare for my day. I am grateful to say that my mornings are fairly boring; which I welcome with open arms. As someone who used to be a major morning person, I have found I have formed a deep and loving relationship with my bed, and with a husband now next to me, it makes my sleep-time much more enjoyable. But I digress…

So, I walked into my shower a few mornings ago and started my usual routine until I opened my eyes and started looking around. Nothing seemed out of place, yet it looked different. I closed my eyes to focus on the fact I just woke up, and opened my eyes again. Yup, the lighting was different. But, why? I looked out of my shower curtain and noticed nothing different, but it sure felt different. I took a deep breath to try to recognize why I was feeling different this morning and then it occurred to me: The Wheel was turning, and I was actually FEELING it.

I follow the Wheel of the Year. I observe 8 Holidays that line with the Seasons we all know as Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Winter. Within those 4 Seasons, we have Cross-Quarter Holidays, which to everyone else are the Solstices and Equinoxes. In some cultures, people that follow this belief system are in the ranks of these “Religious” groups: Pagan, Wiccan, Witch, Neo-Pagan, Shaman, Druid, Celtic Reconstructionist, and so on….So, what am I? Some people claim I am a Witch. Others say I am Pagan. Others say a Druid. The truth is, I could be considered all of these things. But I also hold deep my Catholic faith, my Native American Shamanic philosophies, and Buddhist teachings that I have learned over my Spiritual Journey of 20 years. Why do you have to label me? I’m just…Bridget.

WIN_20150726_142757(That’s me donning one of my headdresses that I am selling in my online store!  Go check it out)

Okay, we savvy? I’m not bringing this up again. It’s here for the world to see, and if you want no part of my life, let’s move on. When I spoke to my sister last week, she gave me some truly humbling advice on what I put out there on the Internet. And she was right big time on one thing: In a way, I am waiting for a reaction. But mainly because that’s all I ever get, so it’s almost an expectation I have. Which I need to not worry about anymore. As I told her, I don’t want to fight. I just want to love. And be happy. And love some more. That’s all I want to do for those around me. If those who dislike or not understand my path can at least accept this, we can lovingly agree to disagree on our philosophies, and just continue to love each other. Moving on…

Right now, the Wheel is turning to the next Season. And I felt it big time last week. The air felt…crisper. The lighting in my bathroom seemed…darker. Even though there are no windows in my bathroom, for some reason I can always tell if its day or night in there. Call it a psychic link between me and Father Time Hahaha!

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We have had the air conditioner on at full blast the last few nights, because the sweltering heat and humidity has been just too much to handle. Amazing how that can change overnight! Sure, it is easy to say, “well, a cold front passed and now it’s just a little cooler, but it’s still summer!” Well, yes, you are quite right! But to me, Summer is almost over. In 4 days, I will be preparing my Autumn clean up list, getting out the Autumn decorations out, and beginning to stage the upcoming cooler months. Yes, I know. August and its “dog days”, can be extremely hot and humid, but I would love to debate anyone that doesn’t feel SOME sense of change in the air during this time of year…And in saying that…

The Feast of Lammas is upon us!

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Wait, what?  What is this silly Hobbit talking about?  Going off on a tangent again, I guess….ah, I hear the remarks more than you think.  But since I’m nice and wide open and really and truly not giving a shit about what others think of me, I wanted to go into a new series installment called The Wheel of the Year.  Really, I should start this on the New Year, but we’re here, so why not?

Lammas is also called Lughnasadh. (pronounced Loo Nah Sah).  It is a Celtic Sabbat/Holiday that begins the first of the 3 major Harvest Festivals.  Oh, by the way, I wanted to educate those who say Celtic wrong.  Celtic is pronounced *KELL-TICK*.  NOT *Sell-Tick*. Okay, I admit, that rubs me the wrong way in so many ways.  Its like someone called the Amish with the pronunciation *AY-MISH* or Italian like *EYE-TAL-YUN*.  To me, it’s a bit insulting, and it can truly drive many enthusiasts like myself, mental.  For some reason, many sports teams that have the word Celtic pronounce it Sell-tick, but I can assure you, the proper right way to say it is how I mentioned it above.  Okay, moving on….

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Lammas! Ohhhh I how love me some Harvest holidays! It’s probably one of the reasons why Thanksgiving is one of my favorite Holidays!  There is something about the word “comfort” that drives all of us to find our own sense of the word.  For me, comfort means my home.  It means all the stuff I love around me.  It means listening to music I love, smelling aromatic candles, drinking an amazing tea, reading a good book, a nice casserole in the oven, my husband and children around me.  That’s comfort.  Comfort is a rainy day in the autumn, when you wake up and realize you don’t want to get out of your pajamas.  And you don’t.  Whoever said  you have to get up every morning and get dressed like in your Sunday best everyday is for the birds!  People are going to accept you, whether you have makeup on, or going au natural.

Comfort is taking a nap in the middle of the afternoon on that said rainy day, smelling the rain and feeling the cool air coming in.  I love days like that.  But comfort is different for each person.  What is your form of comfort?  Think about it and write a list out.  When you realize what things make you feel comforting, then do what you can to make it happen!

Lammas is the beginning of the Harvest.  The first seeds planted in Spring are now ready to be picked of their ripened fruit.  Many will start to see the hay barrels in the fields from farmers picking their crops.  This is a good time to start thinking about what you are going to plant in the Autumn for next year!  Spring bulbs may be on sale in grocery stores or produce markets, so this is a great time to make a list of what you want to see pop up in Spring of next year!

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August 1st is the Feast Day of the Celtic Deity, Lugh (hence the name Lughnasadh).  Lugh was revered by many of the man who sacrified himself to give people the comfort of a good harvest.  He was in ancient times known as the Corn God.  Understandably why corn is usually harvested this time of year.  Nevertheless, this is a time of turning inward.  Just the beginning of it, though.  We are still in the throes of hot and humid weather, with lots of sunny days and warm nights ahead of us.  But the air is changing, and many can feel it right now.  Some associate it with the beginning of school, and whatever you need to do to understand why we are in the process of a season change, go with what feels good.

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Right now, in my home, we are continuing our path to organization.  I promised myself come hell or high water we were going to get this apartment situated for living.  Living with people who have a hard time purging old things, it can get pretty crowded in here quickly.  So, my daily talks about how good we feel when we are uncluttered I am hoping are getting into their heads!  I started lighting some fall candles, and it just feels right to do this now.  I love going to places like AC Moore and looking at all the Autumn/Halloween goodies that are already out on display.  I love planning on how I’m going to decorate this year.  I think its good to change it up every year.  It always gives off a fresh energy when you change things around, even with decor that only stays up a few weeks.

If you are interested in learning more about this upcoming season and how you can incorporate rituals in your life to make yourself more spiritually grounded with our Earth, keep coming back here, as I will have different ideas you can do to make this next season inspiring and fun!  Autumn is always easy, because there is SO much to do!  But remember: do what makes YOU feel good, instead of what everyone else is telling you how things should be.  You will be surprised how good it feels when you walk into this next Season doing things YOU love to do!

Love, Peace and Macaroni and Cheese,

Bridget

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The Times They Are A Changin’…

Sad-girl-alone-sitting-in-beach-watching-waves-image-picture-1111x738It’s funny when depression and anxiety hits a person does the writing muse want to take a vacation.  Sadly, the lack of finding the house (yes, I know I’m beating a dead horse by continuously talking about it) has caused me to retreat.  It’s one of the reasons why I haven’t written.  Because finding a house has totally consumed my life.  Well, it’s kind of hard to not have it consume me.  My home, once a quaint bohemian living abode, has now turned into Cardbox City.  Everywhere I turn there are boxes, filled and empty, waiting for my next move.  It is a constant reminder that my life is out of alignment and unstable.  Two things that literally drive me crazy.  Feeling that I don’t have control over my own life can really take a toll, and so, I have found myself feeling rather blue during one of the most beautiful times of the year.

I’m sitting at my laptop today because some movement in my personal life hit this morning, and whenever that happens, I need to act on it immediately before my rational mind tells me to step back.

Now, I know people who read my blog read it for many purposes.  Some like to actually read what I have to say, some are here just to be nosy and check up on me, and others, well, others are simply here to find out what crazy shit Bridget is up to now.  It’s sadly the truth, and although in the past the judgements have haunted me like never ending nightmares, I have learned through a lot of soul searching and maturity that I need to stop focusing on how people view me, and start focusing on how I view me.  A liberating experience, to say the least, coming from a reputable and conservative family, to have their eldest child break out of a box to protect me, unleashing emotional turmoil along with equal bouts of total bliss.  It’s who I am and at 41 years old, I refuse to change me.  Funny, I will never understand how I am now, and how some people question me now, and wish I could return to the former me, when the former me most people couldn’t stand.  Being free from the social experimentation of trying to “fit in” has been the most uplifting and amazing journey of my life, next to the birth of my son.

This week I was told that in the next couple weeks I am going to learn my fate of the position in my current job.  My department at my job has decided to consolidate with other groups, forming one big department.  The problem with this, is that my department is not defined by the regulations that the other groups are bound to.  But, the higher ups are considering putting us within this mold.  This could mean my life will change drastically over the next year, and it frightens me to no end.  My work currently does not expect me to be licensed within the Federal Regulated guidelines.  But since my team is merging with groups that are regulated, there is a possibility that I will have to become a licensed professional.  I know, doesn’t sound like a bad thing, right?  It would mean a promotion in the end, and a better career path.  But here’s the thing that many people who didn’t know me 5 years ago: 5 years ago, I took a similar license, smaller and easier compared to the license I may be required to obtain now.  I didn’t pass.  And I was terminated from my company.  But my love for wanting to work there resulted in me coming back as a contractor, thus coming back into the company through the “back door”.  I have since worked within unlicensed departments over the last 5 years, and my career has been amazing.

Now, I see myself at a cross roads.  June 30th I am going to be told my fate.  My insomnia that has already been on the radar over the house hunting is now adding additional lost sleep because of this.

What do I do?  Will I have to quit and find a new job?  Is this the opportunity to actually leave this career and begin a new one?  I know many of you know how much I love Juice Plus and the fact I have been trying to wait until I move into a new home to start this little side business, making additional money for my family.  Should I begin now in case I fail this test?  Should we just stay in this apartment?  Should I sell most of my things?  See, these are the very things going through my mind, because I have to be realistic.  I can’t assume I’m going to pass.  I have to think ahead and figure out what will happen if I go through what I went through November 29th, 2010?  Looking at a computer screen, realizing I was 1 point from passing a test, and thus no longer an employee at my beloved company.

I’m trying to hold back the tears right now typing this, because I hate more than anything not knowing what is going on.  I will admit I hate abrupt change.  But yet, there’s a fire in my belly that’s telling me it’s going to be okay.  And that there are reasons, specific reasons why things are going this way right now.

It has been absolutely imperative that I be authentic.  Even if it means upsetting those I love around me.  I wish I could change that, to appease other’s fears. But doing that would only make me unhappy.  And I love who I am.  I really do.  I know people don’t understand that.  I know and really, I am truly sorry for that.

I am a 41 year old woman.  I’m a wife, a mother, a step-mother, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a godmother, a niece, best friend, a lover, a business woman, a gypsy, a bohemian, a wild woman, a domestic goddess, a writer, a hobbit.    So here’s my question:  How do I merge all of these things into one aspect of myself?  The answer is:  I can’t.  I am many things, and that’s that.  I am many things to many people, and some to some people.  There are so many facets of myself, and just like my job, one can either accept it or walk away.  But it will never change the course of my fate.  It is the only thing I like about change.  The evolution of it.  Rather than abrupt, coarse change, I love the slow, loving, almost ritual aspect of change.  Watching someone turn into the person they are supposed to be, during each chapter/level of their journey.  And as you all know from everything I’ve said above, I’m going through just that.

Today I looked in the mirror and noticed I wanted to change something.  It took me a while, but I realized it was my hair.  Last fall I did something drastic and cut most of my hair off and put low and highlights in it, to gradually accept my ever coming in white hair.  However, winter has passed and summer is upon us, and I felt another longing.  Last year I started wearing dread-lock extensions in my hair.  They are simply beautiful and I always get compliments every time I wear them.  I find it incredibly ignorant for people to think only African Americans are the only ones allowed to wear dread-locks.  They are simply beautiful and if used correctly, anyone would look amazing.  So, today, I decided to test my hair.  Already so thin from my thyroid disease, I was hoping this wasn’t going to fail, and my hair did not disappoint!

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I know, I can already hear the groans….”oh Bridget…what ARE you doing?” and “You’re 41 and a Mother!” I know!  And guess who was the one who suggest I do it????  That’s right!  My son!!!!

He always tells me how beautiful I am, and that no matter what I wear, how I do my hair, my inner beauty stands out.  Such an old soul.  So, going to run a trial and see how this looks in a bun tomorrow, and see if I can pull this off in a professional manner.  I’m curious.  I have realized that although I love my job, I cannot be who I really am there.  Who I am is not part of society’s version of “professional”.  Well, I’d like to change that attitude.  Gradually.  Starting with something like hair.  I’m actually kind of excited how I’m going to look tomorrow, and if it’s a go, I will continue down this new path and see how it goes.

I guess in the end I need to remember this very important point:

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2 days of work this week, then a mini vacay with my husband and kids.  I guess there’s good in change..whether its work, scenery, your home, your hair, beliefs. whatever.  I guess in change, it gives us the opportunity to blossom even more into who we are meant to be.

And the anxiety slowly drifts away….Hello muse…I’ve missed you.

Special Request…

candleTomorrow could make or break my sanity.  True story.  On Saturday afternoon, Scott and I walked into the 6th of 7th houses we saw that day, and something happened.  It clicked for the both of us.  Usually when we look at houses, one of us would have an “issue” with one of the things, whether it was the size of the yard, size of the rooms, the amenities the house comes with, etc.  This didn’t happen.  We stood in the kitchen and looked at each other and smiled.  “You like it?” “Yeah.  I really like this house.”

That’s all it took.  A 4 bedroom, 2.5 bath Cape Cod on a quiet little street on the outskirts of our town.  Closer to the train, which quite frankly, I can hear anywhere in town, but it was closer to the woods, to the park, to a small farm where I get my flowers and produce.  It has…a pool.  A fireplace AND a wood burning stove.  Central Air.  A green house.  Fenced in back yard.  Master bathroom.  Sunroom/screened in porch room.  Magnolia Tree in the front.  Please look at my previous post, and you will understand how eerily connected that post and what I saw a day or two later.

I won’t get excited.  We put a lot of emotion in the last house, only to have it blow up in our face.  It happens, its life.  But it didn’t lessen the pain we felt to have to walk away.  Tomorrow we are going to see it again and with luck, make an official offer.  I can’t tell you how unbelievably scared I am.  So many people I know don’t understand.  “This is such an exciting time for you!” “Adventures into the unknown!”

My inner Capricorn is freaking the hell out hahaha. She need stability. Grounding.  A foundation to grow upon.  It’s how I thrive.  This “limbo” is for the birds. Tomorrow can’t come soon enough and yet I am dreading it, because the buyers could easily just say “no” to our offer.

I am asking my readers, should you find time tonight, to open your hearts and send prayers to my family for this.  My boys, husband and I, really want this to be our home.  We understand now why the other house did not work out.  We are ready to do this.  I must let go and let God, so to speak.  Allow this beautiful universe to play this out, and try to enjoy being part of that production.

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What’s in a Home?

What do I want in a home?

This is a question I have been asked multiple times, from my husband, my kids, my sister, and my parents. I have moved so many times, one would think I really was a traveling gypsy!

If I were to build my own dream home, it would be more of a village rather than a house. Because a home really doesn’t just fit inside the acre property one would build your physical house. In fact, if you think about home, it goes outside those boundaries. From the pub down the street, or the park next door, or the special market down town, home is the place you claim your life to be with.

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So, what would I like in a home?

For me, I wished I lived on a property that gave me privacy, but was close enough to neighbors to be a part of their life as well. I love being a part of a community. I wish I lived near water. Whether it be a creek, lake or pond, being near water gives me so many benefits, and I will admit, it brings me down when people so quickly criticize the “flood” issue one would have when you live near water. I know this, I’m not as vulnerable as you think. If I knew a way to have a house without ever flooding, I would do it in a heartbeat. But alas, I don’t have that kind of money, so I know it might not be financially probable for us to live near water. Well, maybe a little creek.

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I wish I had a wrap-around porch. With a swing. And a little couch and a lamp on an end table so I can sit out there on the evenings and read a book, while watching the lightning bugs twinkle about.

I wish I had a fireplace. I grew up with one, and it’s a part of who I am. To be able to sit by the fire on an autumn or winter’s night, warming our feet, would be blissful. Heck even a wood burning stove, I would take anything that had a hearth.

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I wish I had a large kitchen. To have people commune around a large island while I’m cooking up something delicious, has always been a thing for me. As an herbalist, a cook, a baker, and many other things, being in the kitchen is a major factor in my life. And I want people to be a part of that. And you need a big kitchen to make that happen.

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I wish I had a Master Bathroom. I love my boys, I really do. But oh my goodness they make a mess in the bathroom. I am the only female living in the house, so having my own privacy is very important. Plus, I have the bladder the size of a pomergranate seed, so having to wait to go to the bathroom, I’m not fond of AT ALL.

I wish I had a vanity. Ever since I stopped the path of self-loathing, I have begun to look at myself and see myself as beautiful as a divine woman would be. I feel the feminine qualities kick in and I will admit, I like to put on a little makeup, do my hair, my nails, etc. Not having a place to call my own to do that is very frustrating, mainly because, as I stated above, being the only female in the house is very challenging. I can never find anything, and when I do find it, I really don’t have a place to put it.

I wish I had a hot tub. Yup, I admit it. I do. As a massage therapist, I know the benefits of taking care of your body. I myself, have put my body through hell and back from addictions, self-loathing, self-deprecating tendencies that caused me to abuse my body. At 41 years old, even though I still have my youth looking face, the rest of my body…not so much. To have the ability to come home at night and relax in a hot tub, would put me in an amazing place each day, giving not only my body, but my mind and soul a little respite from the craziness of the day.

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I wish I had big bedrooms for my boys. They deserve to have a place to vacate when they need their privacy, and a place to call their own. This is one of my biggest desires to have for my boys.

I wish I had a screened in porch. Another thing I grew up with. I would love to have the time to sit outside in the middle of a soft thunderstorm, or just rain in general, and take in nature’s glory without actually being inside of it all. To feel the wind coming in, and just giving myself the opportunity to just sit there, would be amazing. It was also a great time to sleep out there on a summer’s night, without all the bugs getting to you!

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I wish I had a large garden area. As an avid amateur gardener, I have been LONGING to get back into the dirt. Living in a flat since 2009 has been SO challenging! I need to get my hands and feet dirty again, and to get back in touch with Mum Gaia. And plant plant plant!

I wish I had a finished basement. We are gamers, and have lots of collectables. We love to entertain, and would love nothing more than to have a space to do just that.

I wish I lived near the stores I could just walk to. One of my favorite shows in the world is a little Bristish Comedy from the 90’s called As Time Goes By. I love that they lived in this beautiful home that was a townhouse, but had a big lush garden in the back, neighbors to talk to, parks across the street, pubs a block away to scurry off for a pint, and a corner market to grab your dinner to make each night. Instead, I live in a large community of sort, with large markets and large refrigerators to stock up food. I actually wouldn’t mind going to the store each night or every other night, if it meant I didn’t have to stock up on so much food, chancing it to rot if I don’t eat it quickly. I know, it’s a lofty aspiration on that, most towns in America don’t have this lifestyle anymore; you can pretty much find these in any town in Europe.

Everything else I can create on my own. Firepits, patios, small gardens, decorate the way I want.

This is just a wish list. Honestly, we all know I would be happy to just have a home to finally call my own.   Each one of us wishes for our perfect home. But really, the perfect home is what you make of it. I can’t explain it any more than I already have. If you are not happy with who you are, no perfect house will be perfect for you because there will always be something missing. So, remember that before going all crazy-like to find the perfect house, the perfect man/woman, the perfect life for you. Until you truly love who you are and what you are about, nothing else will be perfect for you.

I am grateful I am in a place where I feel good about my life, and who I am.  So, I am so ready for this next chapter.

Okay, enough now…I need to get me a house!

~ Bridget

Gratitude in Change…

sad-girl-love-love-hurts-cute-crying-girl-lovepicturex-blogspot-comAnd just like that, it was over.

Over the weekend, my husband and I had to make the difficult decision to back out of our contract for the home we were ready to purchase.  Settlement was just in a couple weeks, but unfortunately, the repairs that were needed to be completed were well over our budget, and we knew we would have gone under financially within the year.  It was a punch to our stomach we were not prepared for.  Needless to say, we are devastated.

This was our dream.  Our vision.  Disappointed is an understatement.  The homestead, the chicks, the bonfires…gone…at least for this house.  Right now, most of the houses on the market are town houses, or houses with a considerable repair list or just way too small living space.  We are frustrated, to say the least.

Scott and I laid in bed Saturday night, feeling rather defeated.  Maybe this is not the path we are supposed to take.  Maybe we are on the right path but it won’t be as in-depth as we were looking forward to.  Really don’t know because we are still trying to absorb the last 48 hours.  My leasing company is thankfully being lenient with our lease with leaving next month, and are willing to work with us until we find a new home.  But honestly, I just want out now.  My boys need their own space.  They have been confined to this small bedroom for 2 years.  It’s time they should be able to have their privacy they so need right now.  Yes, yes, I know, many of you grew up with sharing rooms with other siblings.  Please don’t think of me as being selfish.  I want so much for my children, and I will do anything I can to get that for them.

Right now, we are just going to continue to pack.  We were planning on having a quiet evening tonight, but came home tonight to a flooded kitchen, the 3rd time in a year.  It could be a number of things, but thankfully it doesn’t seem to be our issue – as it seems the issues may be coming from the main pipe outside that connects all the other apartments. They gave us the ability to wash all the towels and rugs that got soaked from trying to mop up the water for free in another building, so we are truly grateful for that! And grateful my wonderful husband ordered me out of the kitchen while he tended to not only cleaning it up, but also doing all the laundry for all the towels that got soaked.

In the end, I trust in God, I trust that the Universe has a big plan for our little family. I know we are being listened to.  And we will always be provided for.  We can only pray this is our time.  I just FEEL it in my gut.

Pray for us right now – we really need this break.

On a lighter note, look out for my merchandise for my store The Spiral Willow to be moving its way over here!  There will be new merchandise as well as some of your favorites!  Once you see the PAYPAL logo on here, you know the store is open!

Here are some of the things that The Spiral Willow provides (see below for some pictures!)

  • Earrings by local Artisan Maria Tesone
  • Leather Wraps by local Artisan Maria Tesone
  • Tapestry Totes
  • Celtic/Spiritual Tapestries
  • Homemade Powder Incense (by yours truly!)
  • Candles
  • Crystals
  • Gently Used Books
  • Gently Used Tarot Decks
  • Gently Used Oracle Decks
  • Essential Oils
  • Healing Crystal Wands for Reiki and Pranic Healing

In the meantime, thanks for listening to me, good things are afoot, can you feel it?  *and hey, if anyone here read my previous post, did I NOT say that Mercury Retrograde was going to be messing around????*  😉

Love, Peace and Gluten Free Macaroni and Cheese,

Bridget

Sun and Stars Box Om box Celtic Cross Box Triquetra With Celtic Knotwork Tote Sun Moon and Stars Tote Sacred Om Purple Tote Purple Celtic Cross Tote Green Man Tote Blue Celtic Cross Tote Triquetra With Celtic Knotwork  Tapestry 72x108 inches Red Zodiac and Stars Tapestry Green Man Tapestry 72x108 inches Blue Celtic Earth Tapestry 72x108 inches White Glass Wrap White Glass Wrap 4(1) White Glass Wrap 3 White Glass Wrap 2 The Morrocan 2 The Morrocan 1 Sparkle & Blue 2 Sparkle & Blue 1 Smokey & Green 3 Smokey & Green 2 Smokey & Green 1 Perched Owl 2 Perched Owl 1 Perched Owl 1(1) Land & Sea 2 Land & Sea 1 Jade & Brass Wrap 4 Jade & Brass Wrap 3 Jade & Brass Wrap 2 Jade & Brass Wrap 1 Cherry & Jade Wrap 4 Cherry & Jade Wrap 3 Cherry & Jade Wrap 2 Cherry & Jade Wrap 1 Altar Candles (Red is currently out of stock)