Tag Archive | journey

Happy New Year and Where I’ve Been…

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Okay. So check this out:

Over the course of the last month and the last time I posted something here (yes, you read it, MONTH), I have typed out about 6 blogs. SIX. Not one of them have been posted to my site.

Um, hello? Knock knock? Bridget? Whatcha doing over there?

Yeah. I know. I have been stagnant like 30 day old untreated pool water. Yuck.

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(me pretty much everyday)

What gives? It’s a good question. I appreciate the emails from some of my readers asking me where I was, if I was okay….etc. etc…I could easily tell you I’m fine…life is swell.

Truth is…it’s not. And that’s OKAY!

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(yes, I have been incredibly anti-social lately)

I wish I could be Miss Happy Girl 24/7, and don’t get me wrong, I really DO everything I can to achieve that on a daily basis.

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But, something’s up. And I know what it is. Right now, I’m going to keep it to myself until I feel it is the right time to throw it out for discussion.

There is nothing…and I really mean this…NOTHING, more heartbreaking than having a certain dream of something and knowing full well it is NEVER going to come true. In regards to my life, this goes in two different directions, but with similar things related to the main idea. It sucks. Truly. But having this knowledge does give me a sense of power, because at least I know, I can work around it. Or better yet, FIX IT.

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Over the course of this last month, though, I have been going through the natural stages of grief.  This came with some humbling knowledge that things I thought in my head were a certain way, were in fact, very much the opposite.

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Truth is, the goals I had 10 years ago are nowhere NEAR the goals I have today.  Heck, the goals I had 1 year ago no longer serve me as goal-worthy.  Not because I can’t achieve it; truth be told, you can achieve anything if you set your heart out to it…no, it’s because I no longer care, support,  nor want to be a part of that anymore.

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Kinda of like when you were a kid, and had a certain way of handling your things, or even just living your life, and then one day, you realize you’re no longer a kid, and that your desires are more “grown-up” and the kid-stuff no longer applies to you.

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Here’s the thing:  You don’t have to be going through puberty to understand this philosophy.

As humans, we naturally evolve based on our habitat, culture, and generation we are applied to.  Just as fads and trends change with each passing decade, so do your thoughts, feelings, and ideaology as well.  It’s what makes us such amazing beings.

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Last year, in fact, sometime around this part of the day on December 31st, I sat down in my little apartment and wrote out a piece of paper that had the following things:

GOALS FOR 2015

Continue down the path of authenticity

Write more

Get married

Buy a new house

The good news is, I achieved each one of these very goals.  YAY ME!

The bad news is, I’ve got a LONG way to go….

So, in order to really really achieve my authentic self, my blogging, my marriage, and my new home, I have to make a change.

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I know what this change is.  I feel it so strongly that I opened up to my parents, my husband, one of my Uncles and my best friend. Yeah, I don’t screw around…when making big changes, you don’t want those you are close to to be completely thrown off course.  Believe it or not, even if no one else has a right to dictate how you live, it is always a courtesey to make sure they at least KNOW what you are planning.  The shock value has all but disappeared, therefore creating less drama in your life.

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So, in light of my last blog and the things I’ve experienced the last few months, I’ve decided I’m making only ONE goal this year.  But oh boy, it’s a big one.  Look, I don’t like being a tease, and my readers know that one of the best forms of authenticity is it be as transparent as you can be.  Right now, I have a lot of things I need to think about.  My decisions I make at my age are never made in haste and are NEVER taken lightly.  But the thing is, the result of this goal is going to help continue to achieve the happiness and well-being of all the other goals I’ve ever set on.

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Truly, just writing this all out makes my decisions more real, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to chicken out on making my dreams come true.

No matter how crazy or unbelievable they are.

The last few decisions I made for myself that had the same desire surge from within me was knowing I wanted to marry my husband, buy a house, and walk away from certain people that no longer serve me.  Each one of those things has brought me nothing but blissful peace.

I can do this.  Hell yeah.  I’m so gonna do this!

Much Bohemian Love,

Bridget

Year In Review…Goals for 2016

10307193_1559900494267589_6711902782439770635_nAnyone else thinking this year went super fast?  I mean, I feel like it was just a couple weeks ago I was getting into our SUV after our wedding reception.  That was April.  So much has happened in this last year I cannot even begin to start.  So, instead, I’m just going to plunge right into goals for next year.

As many of you know, I do not believe in New Year’s resolutions.  I think they are truly lofty aspirations that end of not even making it out of the month of January.  People need to stop doing that to themselves!  Instead, make goals.  Instead of making a resolution to START something, make a goal, which is an END result!  That way, you don’t feel pressured into starting at a particular time, and can figure it out as you go along.  So what are my goals for 2016?

Well, I have a few.  And boy, a couple of them are big ones.  I think we should all at least have one big goal for the year, so you don’t feel as if your life is becoming stagnant.  For me, it’s a change.  A major change.  I really can’t go far more into it than that because the change I am considering is going to upset people I know.  And really, I’d rather deal with it when the time actually comes, then deal with the backlash of debate and ridicule from people who claim I would be making a huge mistake, being flighty, and so on.  So, instead, I’m going to talk about the little stuff…

#1.  The Spiral Willow is going to become more active.  I will admit, I’m a little bummed I’ve got a big inventory of really amazing stuff for a decent and competetive price, but yet no one seems to want to buy.  It bums me out when people seek me out for Oracle Readings and Tarot Readings, but since I’ve started requesting donations for my readings, all of a sudden it’s radio silent out there. Makes for a sad hobbit.  So, I will be doing more sale and more incentives, and even considering doing a boxed subscription each month.

#2. I’m going to learn how to play the guitar. (Again).  A few weeks ago my husband came home with all his guitars that have been in storage.  I myself own a guitar but it is too large for me.  I found my husband had a red guitar, a little smaller than the one I own.  I put it in my arms, and it felt RIGHT.  It was as if my fingers were tingling.  So yeah.  Time to re-learn.

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#3. I want to take my kids to New York and Baltimore.  My husband and I talked about this at great length, and we’d really like to find time to get our family to go to these places for the day.  They are not far from our homes and our boys deserve to see a little culture.

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#4.  I want to take a PROPER vacation camping/going to the shore.  Like a whole week off from work.  Not a mini vacation here and there.  I want to wake up every morning and smell the forest air. Walk on the trails.  Read in a hammock.  Swim in the lake or pool.  Like Everyday.

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#5.  I would like to start my Red Tent community.  Please see my page right here for more information.

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#6.  I need my house to be fully unpacked and readied to be lived in.  We’ve been living here since the beginning of October and we haven’t even neared the half way point.  A lot of this has to be with no vacation time left.  So, I am hoping to make a move in getting that done in early 2016.

#7. I plan to create more.  Paint, draw, work with my herbs, forage, create my oils and tinctures, yes, this is the year my creations are going to take more of a hold on this world.

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#8. I plan to meditate more.  Finding alone/quiet time can be difficult, no matter how hard you try.  Even if it’s from your own mind, you can never seem to get out of a certain place without having your mind racing with thoughts.  I want to create a daily ritual where I quiet my mind and just listen to my breath.

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#9. I plan to let go.  I have been holding on to things for so long, it is only habit now I keep holding on.  Not anymore.  So much of my weight is in emotional baggage that people expect me to carry, either because they cannot forgive me for things, or have expectations of me doing penance for the rest of my life for things I did in the past.  I cannot control other people’s emotions, and so, since I’ve been trying to hold on for a modicum of relief in certain relationships, I just know it’s not going to be the case, and I’m going to let go of them.

#10. I’m going to smile every day.  There is no question amongst my friends and family alike that I haven’t been happy with certain things in my life.  Some of these changes that I stated above will result in this #10.  I deserve nothing less than to be the happiest I can be every day.  And damned if I’m not going to try my hardest to achieve that.

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And so, those are my goals.  Have you thought about yours?

The Ascension Series: Tough Time Ascending Today with Tough Symptoms…

13008_370339603096015_1639333944_nSo, let me tell you what happened to me today.

It is incredibly frustrating to try to put this all into words, so bear with me here.  I’ve been wanting to type this out all evening, but my laptop is not working correctly, so I am out on the main computer, where I am inundated with boxes and clutter galore, getting ready for some big changes ahead.

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(Me 9/2/2015…long day….Need much needed sleep now…)

Now, I know many of you have been reading up on the Ascension Process, and I hope that you have done more research as well as joined support groups that specialize in helping people through the big changes humanity is currently going through.

Now, for the naysayers, there’s no need to comment or criticize the things I say.  I already know there are some people who think I’m a big old whackadoodle, and that’s okay.  I am.  But, I’m a whackadoodle who gives a shit about this world and the people who live in it, so thank you for your opinions, but right now there are not necessarily needed.  I know many people do not believe in the Ascension process and the Awakening shifts.  It’s okay!  It’s hard to believe, I get it.  When people surround themselves with doctrines that does not allow room for growth, it’s almost impossible to believe in things out of the ordinary.  And maybe this is not the time for you to be going through what many others are dealing with.  It doesn’t make anyone better or worse, because all of our journeys are just that sacred, that no one, not even me, has a right to say what you believe in.

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The last several days I have been going through some inner turmoil when the Earth’s energy shifted around August 28th.  It’s been a pattern that many people have been seeing since the major shifts occurred around December of 2012.  And with the Blood/Supermoons surrounded the sacred Jewish holidays, prophecies have been foretold and let’s face it:  some of it is actually happening.  Our financial institutions are taking hits, the Karmic year I originally stated in one of my blogs at the beginning of the year is in full force.  What does this mean?  Look at China, Greece, Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, The Ferguson shootings, Police brutality, Ashley Madison, Earthquakes and Mudslides….It is indeed, a karmic year.  It means that things that people, governments, companies, banks, and other primary forces did wrong back in the day are kind of coming back to bite them in the tookus.  In Wicca, it’s the Wiccan Rede, in Christianity, it’s the Golden Rule.  Treat others the way you were meant to be treated.  Do unto others the way you do unto me.  The Three-Fold Law:  What you reap, you sow.  I’ve been saying this for years: “Board up your glass houses before throwing stones”…Jesus even stated in the Bible, “He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone…”

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Karma.

So, take this karmic year, add the energy shifts/gamma rays that the Earth is physically experiencing, as well as people’s spiritual philosophies are evolving, and you have a recipe for Ascension symptoms!  Today alone was brutal for me, as I’m about to explain what happen to myself in my own little world.

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The last several days have been tough.  I’ve been experiencing additional emotions that I already deal with on a daily basis.  What that means is that my patience, although already low, was felt more acutely.  I have been feeling nothing but tension in the air, even though there have been no reasons for my tension.  I have a happy home life, am madly in love, and am about to embark on an amazing journey that I haven’t had in my life since 2007.  So, life in all has been nice.  But why haven’t I been feeling it?  I’ve been feeling edgy, cranky, tired…oh my goodness…so tired!  You would think I was pregnant!  Falling asleep at 8pm and not being able to wake up the next day.  Or some nights I’m wide awake till near midnight and feel fully refreshed and ready to go at 5am!

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My chest has been tightening.  Not because of any physical pulmonary ailments.  No, stress, anxiety and overall chaos in my head have been giving me straight up panic attacks.  And even still, I wear a smile on my face and try to save face to those around me, because I don’t want what’s going on inside of me to become fodder for those who don’t care to or won’t understand.  People don’t think I don’t hear what is being said about me.  People who I thought loved and cared about me, really have hidden agendas.  As much as my own family hates to admit it to me, I’m glad my own family is honest enough to remind me I am still very much naïve and vulnerable to the attacks that go on behind my back.

And still I smile.

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Today, though…where to begin?  I woke up after finally getting a semi-decent night sleep.  I woke up only once for about 45 minutes, so to me that was a successful sleep.  Usually I can be up hours in the middle of the night.  If I had the ability to sleep in until 9-10 AM every day, I might consider that a decent sleep habit.  On my way to work I felt just sad.  I don’t know why.  I just felt sad.  I was thinking of the things I needed to do today at work, and although I was grateful I had no meetings today, and no crazy expectations that needed to be made, I still felt panicked about…something.  So, for the last 20 minutes of my drive, I cried.  For no reason other than I knew my body needed to release something.

BREATHE

Cut to getting into work.  I was sitting at my desk waiting for my computer to log on, when my chest started tightening again.  I felt ridiculously uncomfortable.  I was cold, then hot, then cold again.  Thank goodness no one else was near me.  I pulled my pant legs up and started fanning my knees.  Next thing I knew my legs became incredibly restless.  They were bobbing up and down and I couldn’t get them to stop.  I was literally gripping onto my arm skin, feeling like I needed to shed myself somehow.  Like the feeling of being in my own body was so debilitating.  What the hell was going on with me?  I started sweating and I felt like I was going to pass out.  I knew I was having another panic attack.  At this point I literally was thinking of the Clonzapin and Xanax that was sitting in my nightstand, knowing full well I hadn’t touched these pills in well over a year, and here I was contemplating driving home to grab some.  I felt desperate.  But I have been off my medication for over a year, and I am a better person because of it.  What was going on with me today, and most recently is a phenomena that I am not used to.  Our bodies are made to heal themselves, and there are plants, botanicals, weeds, oils, seeds and other natural products Gaia gave us on this Earth to utilize.  And ever since I started using them, I know my symptoms of what I deal with have dwindled.

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(Happy Me with some Kratom Tea)

But today, oy today was different.

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(We’re ascending baby! UGH)

I quick grabbed a cup of Kratom tea and drank it, while putting on some BiNaural Beats on YouTube, in hopes that my brain would calm herself down and allow my body to calm down.  It took 3 cups of tea and a respite out in my car at lunchtime to finally get that calm.  4 ½ hours, though, was pure torment.  I couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t do much but watch the time and pray that I could get outside and into nature to relieve myself of whatever toxins inside of me wanted out.  Even now, thinking about it, I don’t EVER want to feel what I went through this morning EVER again.  But most likely, I will.  Because it’s all part of the process.  If it means I need to detox myself physically, emotionally, spiritually and psychologically in order to achieve that feeling of completion with God, I’m going to do whatever I can, even if it means moving through hell and back.

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We have a UNIVERSAL DESIRE to want to complete our relationship with God.  The feeling of separation is so powerful anymore that thousands of people are feeling it.  I am in an amazing support group for people going through the Ascension process and apparently today was a rough day for MANY people.  All we can do is continue to rest our bodies and keep our minds and spirits calm.  Especially now that the veils between the world are beginning to thin with Autumn beginning, many are feeling the effects of that too.  But I know the world is going through great changes.  And we are part of these great changes.  And many times, great changes come great conflicts.  Our old consciousness…the ego itself…is dying; and trust me, it’s not going down without a fight.  Why wouldn’t it want to put you through torment?  It doesn’t want to go!  And it’s going to make you think you NEED the ego!  You do NOT.  We are spiritual beings living a physical existence.  We GOT this.  Great pains we are going through, but can you only imagine the great rewards to sticking it out?

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Continue to love, people.  Continue to fight for your love and fight for your right to love.  We are all amazing light beings who are a part of the one true creator who makes us who we are.  Slowly we are ascending back to our creator.  We are traveling and leaving the 3rd dimension.  It’s not going to be easy.

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But then again, if it was easy, everyone would do it.  The hard, is what makes it so great.

Get some rest.  You don’t need to join a gym or a spa to get that respite.  Take a bath.  Anoint yourself with precious oils.  Meditate.  Drink herbal teas.  Listen to your favorite music.  Walk in the rain.  Keep your body cool. Wash your face.  Drink lots of water.  And remember:  You’re going to be just FINE.  I promise you that.  xoxo

namaste

The Ascension Series: The Good and Bad Symptoms…

Usually I steer off onto different subjects whenever I am blogging, but right now it seems I am being called to continue my talks on Ascension and Awakening Symptoms that I know many people are going through. This past weekend was no exception. So, I’m going to indulge in some things that if you catch on to what I’m saying, great! If not no biggie, I really don’t want to throw out this big announcement before everything has been finalized. So, I ask you all for a little latitude in how I am writing right now. (yes, I’m going to be throwing in some clues in this post without giving it away, so if you catch it, wonderful – you know my secret news I am hoping to tell the world in the next few weeks).

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(Some photos from our mini-holiday in Ocean City, NJ)

There are days in which I receive a DNA Activation/Ascension Symptom that can be insanely euphoric. Over the last several months my life alone has had its share of ups and downs, and although so many were amazing “ups”, there were plenty of “downs” that literally sent me into a downward spiral. It’s funny, the more I think about it, it’s been almost manic and maybe I HAVE been displaying symptoms of Bi-Polar disorder, as my former doctor tried to tell me. I refused to believe him, to the point I left his practice, after being there from the time I was 13. He wanted me to take a drug called Seraquil, which quite frankly I took for all of 2 days and hopped off of it immediately because I felt I was literally going crazy. Realizing now that this is not a matter-of-fact issue regarding my human-ness, but rather this pertains to my soul-ness. And sadly, no doctor will listen to you if you come to them and say “I’m going through the Ascension process!” HA! That sounds crazy-legit, and even I know not to go to the doctor with that kind of mentality. No, I have found that my basic issues I have as a human are good for going to the doctor, and the bigger stuff, well, I feel a higher calling is a little more qualified for the job.

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So, many people know when going through the Ascension process your emotions are truly off the charts. I tip my hat to my sweet husband, who sometimes hasn’t a clue what to do with me when I am having an intensified activation or just an overall difficult time with a particular symptom I am dealing with at the moment. It’s not fair to him, and I feel terrible about it. When you see what I see, and feel what I feel (which I know many can agree with me here), it can be incredibly difficult to get your partner to understand what you are going through, especially if they themselves are not fully awakened. The process can be heavenly and equally hellish.

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(The Eye of the Bohemian Hobbit – awake)

Okay, so the good symptoms? I’m going to give you some brief ideas of some of the good symptoms. Mind you-I might be alone in some of these, and others will find many who might be able to resonate. Each human is on their own separate journey, but some of us are working together currently in each other’s lives, and so on and so on…There are times, and this has happened while I was driving, eating lunch, surfing the internet, or even just sitting alone in my bedroom, and something inside me starts to stir. The only way I can describe it is the butterfly effect. That feeling of euphoria, happy jitters, the kind you feel when you are falling in love, or winning the lottery, or finding out a seller agreed to your offer on a house, or getting ready to walk down the aisle. So, what is happening if you aren’t experiencing the things I stated above, yet your body is reacting that way? Well, for me it was little things. The way the sky looked, or glancing at the clock with numbers like 1111, or hearing a song or sound that somehow made you feel like you were having some brilliant out of body experience. This weekend I had an activation. I was priviledged to go on a mini-holiday with my parents, husband and sons to the coast. My parents rented a house right on the beach, and I hadn’t been at a beach front house since I was a teenager. I had the chance to sit by myself on the porch at sunset, facing the ocean.  I can’t even explain how extraordinary it was. To be able to sit there, listen to the tides, watch the moon rise, and see the stars come out in their glistening glory. I felt myself starting to get emotional, as if realizing how truly small we are in this universe. That we have to be such an arrogant species to think we are alone here. And I felt a longing all of a sudden, that like my vacation home, Earth was a place I was just “visiting”. That in reality, my home wasn’t here, it was somewhere out “there”. And I felt…magical. I closed my eyes and this energy came around me I hadn’t felt in my body before, yet it wasn’t UNFAMILIAR. Like someone I hadn’t seen in a long while had come up from behind me to give me a great big bear hug. It was comforting. I felt my chest open up, as if all the organs in the front part of my torso were being exposed. I felt free and light, like I could be easily swept up from that porch and into the night sky to dance with the heavens around me. It was an amazing experience.

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(Photo courtesy of Land of Euphoria on Tumblr)

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Now, the not-so-good symptoms. These can be horrific. They come as demons in the night, shouting at you, making you believe your ego is making you think of these things, that you are not loved, that you are not special. And the rage inside of me becomes so suppressive I feel like I’m going to burst. When we got home from our holiday yesterday, I experienced this one particular symptom, and the victim of this was my husband, who watches over me when I go through this process. All of a sudden, I felt alone, afraid, lonely, shut down, like everything that is happening to me is just an illusion. Maybe I have been just making it up? Maybe the world is really evil? Maybe I am truly mental? Going through these moments can be terrifying. My husband knows exactly when I am going through these motions, because things like clutter and a messy room, especially with our beginning to pack our boxes again, although on a normal basis I really don’t like, but sometimes, something as simple as a sock on the floor will put me in a place of utter despair. And I feel there is no hope. I know; sounds manic, right? Truth is I’m not upset with the sock, or the clutter. I’m upset because I know deep inside of me there’s more going on and my physical 3D body can’t experience it. Take for instance a great scene from the Kevin Smith movie Dogma. Alan Rickman’s character as the Seraphim Metatron, when he stated, “Human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the AWESOME power of God’s true voice. Were you to hear it, your mind would cave in and your heart would explode within your chest. We went through five Adams before we figured that one out…”

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Hahahaha,so true. It’s why we’re here and why we feel separated from God. That’s part of our journey. To find out in the end that we never really separated from God in the first place! Sadly, our 3D bodies cannot understand what our souls already know. So, it’s literally like the battle between heaven and hell, with heaven being our souls and hell being the physical body it lives in. Religion likes to play a stake in this game we call life with crowd control and blind faith. But, we are capable of so much more in this world! It is sadly our minds that keep us thinking of how limited we are, and it is the very thing that keeps us from ascending in the first place. So yes, the hard part of ascension is the release of the ego. God is the IAM of the soul, the Ego is the IAM of the body. Since God is our creator, the Ego has really no power. Yet, we allow our Ego to have it. So, why wouldn’t our process of Ascension be difficult? Almost like blind faith, but it isn’t. Because our souls know all the answers to the universe. This is why I don’t believe in a “devil” or “Hell” after death from this life. I believe the devil and our ego/pride are equals, and the life we make from our ego and pride is the very essence of hell. We can overcome this, however, through the process of Ascension.

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(Photos courtesy of Matheusw and My Sweetest Darkness on Tumblr)

Right now through the end of this year, the Ascension process is being kicked up a notch for many people, myself included. Expect a LOT more of these things to happen in the coming months, especially September and October. We are going through many shifts in the universal planes, and because of this, our souls are being alerted, like a sleep alarm clock going off, letting us know it’s time to wake up.

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Will you get up or will you continue to hit that snooze button?

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The Ascension Series: When The Soul Awakens…

As someone who was raised Catholic, I was taught at a very young age that #1, we were alone in the universe outside of Heaven and the Angels and Saints, #2, Catholicism is the only way back to Heaven, and #3, we need to be afraid of God because He judges us if we led a good life or not, and if we did not and go to one of his priests for forgiveness, then we were going to eternally burn in the fires of Hell.

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(me – lost innocence)

Now, obviously that’s not all I learned.  And I will forever be grateful for the education that helped me learn about God.  Even though I no longer am a Catholic, I have nothing but the utmost respect for this religion and all that it has to offer.  I am grateful to say that as the years passed, more Catholics have become more progressive in the idea of modern day Catholicism. Also, most people know now that as I no longer resonate with Catholicism; it started in my early 20’s, I experienced something many years ago that that no matter what, I could never go back to this religion. Never.  Now, before I go into where I am about to go, I’m going to say that if your tolerance towards my life purpose bothers you, then I ask you to kindly move along and not finish reading. Consider yourselves gluttons for punishment if you feel you need to continue reading my writings then criticize me, then there’s nothing I can do to help you! Haha! So, let’s go down this rabbit hole…

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Many years ago I had what many people would call a spiritual “awakening”. It was in the Summer of 2004. I’ve heard many people ask “what does it mean to be ‘awakened’?” Think of it like this: A person with bad vision tends to see things in a blurried state. After a trip to the eye doctor, the optometrist prescribes eyeglasses. When you put on a new pair of glasses after walking around in that blurried state, seeing everything as clear as it could be, colors bright and mesmerizing…it is a profound moment! Everything looks different. Almost a sensory overload. Things that were always there but your eyes never saw them until now. That’s how a spiritual awakening is. Thoughts, beliefs, ideas, patterns…so much what you thought were to be true, turn out to be not what your soul considers to be true. When your soul “awakens”, it becomes this thought provoking atmosphere of an underlying phenomena that was always there from the beginning. For me, it was truly a scary moment. Yet, I really did not truly awaken to all of my senses until Winter of 2009, when I encountered a tremendous traumatic event that resulted in the full awakening process to happen almost in a split second. WHOA! When a person awakens, all those ideas and philosophies that I truly and utterly lived by, dissipated. They no longer serviced me. And this can be a truly painful experience for people; I know it was painful for me. To have to go against everything you thought was right, showing everyone who “knows” you to see you in that different light; is an extremely challenging time for any human.

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In summary, my time of awakening began 11 years ago, in 2004. But I really did not fully awaken until 5 years afterwards. And for the last 6 years, I have dealt with the repercussions on those around me who still have their eyes closed. Now, before anyone starts jumping to conclusions, I am NOT saying I am better, I know better, I know more, than anyone else. I am just saying that my soul has awakened to the possibilities that the impossibilities I thought in life might actually be POSSIBLE. That’s all. Sadly, those words I just stated above will come across as arrogant or even manipulative, and please know, that is not my intention. We all awaken at our own time. Whether this life, or the lives we live after. We all come back to Spirit.

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So, here’s what happened to me:

I went from being a social butterfly to a homebody. Sometimes, I was almost in seclusion. I felt safer being indoors and away from other people. I became introverted. Who knew something like that would happen to me??? I was in clubs in school, leads in musicals and plays, a principal lead vocalist for a band. I LOVED LOVED LOVED being the center of attention. I loved the fame I felt with people liking me, and I would do anything and everything possible to GET people to like me.

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I went from being a semi-religious person to being an all-out-right-on-new age spiritual enthusiast. I know it pains my family to hear the term “new age”, because as catholics, it goes against its conservative foundations! I get that! Can you only imagine how scary it is for me to have my mind think and believe these things, only to one day turn around and say, “I really can’t believe in this anymore”??? Can you only imagine how difficult it has been for them to feel absolute frustration in knowing I will never go back to being in that frame of mind again?

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But here’s the thing: I went from being a person who assumed people will bail me out to someone who took sole ownership and responsibility for my life. I can’t even begin to tell you, how much money my parents alone wasted on bills I didn’t pay, items I expected them to buy for me, geesh, I was truly the most selfish and spoiled brat of them all! I was not a pleasure to grow up with. Trust me.

I was a pathological liar. Yup. I hated how I was living and did what I could to get out of playing by the rules. This is classic Starseed DNA right here, as a Starseed’s DNA is always kind of a “rogue” or “rule breaker”. (Wait, what’s a Starseed? I’ll get into that later)…But I hated the rules of my home, and I lied, cheated and stole to get what I wanted. A little sociopath, mind you. Maybe that might help many people understand the dynamic I have today with current people in my life. It takes time for Karma to release you from your faults.

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So, why did I awaken then? Well, as I see it, I was living on such a lower vibration for the first half of my life, and now the second half it was like I woke up out of a horrific nightmare! Relieved that time is but an illusion, and that although I messed up in the first half, I still have a life and still have reason to be here! So, I promised myself to allow this journey to unfold, and see where it takes me. Where it took me though…

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I started learning about the term “Starseeds” a few years back, when I was trying to research the different ailments, physical, mental and emotional issues I was having from being awakened. When a soul awakens, there are effects the physical body goes through, as the physical body is 3 dimensional, and your soul is so much more! My anxiety increased along with my depression, I constantly didn’t feel like Earth was really my home. And most of all, I could feel and sense the energy of everyone around me, which seemed to be in turn, causing me to react to it in every sense of the word. So, if I was near someone who was crying, I would find myself feeling hurt in my heart, and I would end up crying too. If I was around someone who was mean, I could sense a darker energy around me to the point it would scare me and I needed to back away, or worse, I would react to it. This whole process has been called so many things, but the biggest term for what I have been going through is called, “Ascension”.

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(credit to http://www.starseeds.net)

My energy vibration from my soul had woken up out of a sleep state in this 3 dimensional world, and was longing to return back to its origins. At least that’s what I’ve gotten out of it. I started looking towards the stars and realizing around 5 years old, I was obsessed with the sky. Amazingly enough, I was obsessed with Unicorns as well. I had an imaginary playmate who would play “Heaven” with me in my bedroom. And I remember pretending I was living in the sky, on a floor made of clouds, and everything was in this beautiful and majestic state of awareness that I couldn’t comprehend, but it was “home” to me. How does a 5 year old dream up stuff like that?

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Going through the Ascension process, where your soul is awakening to moving from the 3 dimensional living to the 4th, 5th, and dimensions further up the line. As of right now, my soul is currently moving into the 5th dimension. Things I cannot explain happen around me. From being able to see auras and colors around a person’s body, to being able to feel a human’s energy vibration and helping that person to heal. My psychic awareness opened like a flower in full bloom, allowing me to hear my spiritual guides and angels. I can talk to them, understand them. And with that gift, I can now properly channel them. Beings I have channeled are Archangels. Mainly I have been able to channel Michael, Gabriel, Ariel, Uriel, and Cassiel. In terms of Ascended Masters, I have been able to channel Jesus, Mary, Hekate, Lakshmi and St. Germain. In terms of Spiritual Guides, I have been able to channel someone by the name of Galea. It was Galea who was able to tell me something most extraordinary recently during a channeling: My Soul Name, as well as my Soul Origin. I actually had to do it several times to make sure I was getting the right information.  She was able to also confirm the symbol I have been writing, or “doodling” since before I could actually write. This symbol is my Soul Name. One day, I hope that I have the courage to tell you all that, but for now, as I am still learning, I would like to keep my name to myself.

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In the end, I’m still me. Just on a deeper level now. I have an absolute respect for everyone’s journey. It’s amazing to be able to see that, and understand that judging someone negatively for their journey is just as dumb as judging someone for the color of their skin. In the end, we’re all one. We’re all in this together.

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Personal Freedom and Responsibility…

wpid-sad-silhouette-1080946-m.jpgI am fighting a battle I cannot win.

Every day I am dealing with a struggle that many people on this earth look at as an easy constant in their lives. I wake up every single morning with the same underlying thoughts that I’ve had for so many years I can no longer remember when they began. But they are there, like an addiction reminding me it’s never going to go away. Is there something wrong with me? Is this a cry for help? Is this just to get some attention? The truth is, I don’t know. It may be, and may not be. But I know one thing is for certain: The older I am getting, the more this feeling inside of me grows considerably stronger.

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The things I’m about to say may seem odd to the normal lay person, and for that I’m sorry. Maybe I’m wrong and just pre-judging something that doesn’t even really exist. Maybe none of us are really “normal”. There isn’t a set definition to the term in my own eyes, unless it is to describe society as a whole. For me, though, I know quite well I’m not normal. And for what it’s worth, I’m really fine with that. Sure, sometimes I wish I was like the “society” norm and wear clothes that fit my physical age, or cut my hair to show representation of motherhood, or decorate my house in Pottery Barn-esq type décor. Don’t get me wrong – if you are one of those people who does each one of those things and you feel strongly convicted in your life decisions in those areas, I’m not mocking you. In fact, sometimes I’m quite jealous of you! Why do I think differently?

The way society explains how the “norm” should be is not what I am, so please do not take offense of my choice to leverage my version of this definition. Like I said above, there should be NO true definition of the word normal, because it really is based on the culture that a living being is living in. I live in The United States, in a Suburban living neighborhood/apartment complex, in a semi-quiet town not far from some of the big city adventures. I am happily married to a man I truly call my best friend in the world. I was a single mother of a son for a long time, who at one point worked 3 jobs to cover the cost of living. I am an emotional eater and a social drinker. I work for a financial institution that thrives on helping people strengthen their financial retirement goals. I sit in an 8×8 cubical desk area from 8-4:30pm Monday through Friday, while my children go to Summer Camp or School. I drive an affordable Mitsubishi Outlander that I aptly named Jamie Fraser. (I Heart Outlander) I am the eldest of three daughters to parents who have been happily married for 40 years. I had boyfriends, proms, late nights out at the bar, and phone conversations for 3-4 hours with friends because my parents gave me that allowance. But I was unhappy for a good majority of my younger life, with things that happened to me, and well, resulted in me doing bad things that at the time, did not realize how bad they were. I was functionally living an unfunctional life. This was my norm from age 1-19.

Then….things happened. (that’s for another time.)

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From age 20 until present day, I would spend hours, days, months, in absolute secrecy, writing my everyday thoughts, daydreaming things I only thought were fantasy. I was ashamed to ever speak about it because quite frankly, no one I knew ever showed a modicum of interest in the things I was thinking about. I was petrified on a continuous basis for living this…lie. I found myself watching documentaries of other cultures and other countries, and seeing how some other places gave people more freedom of the creativity that I obsessed of having.   What the heck was I doing wrong? There is only one word for that.

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Fear.

You can be the most holy of clergyman, the most intelligent of scholars, and yet, if you live in any sort of fear, you are living in the dark. And guess what? Most of us live in fear. How? Well, mainly the majority of people live in fear of judgment of what other people will say about decisions they make. This is honestly one of humanities biggest fallbacks. We are so concerned and involved in the worriment of the thoughts of others that we in turn sacrifice our very own wants, needs and desires to make others feel better. I’ve spoken of this a lot over the years because it’s one of my biggest challenges. News flash: If people want to use what I write as fodder for their amusement or gossip, I can’t stop them. But how dare I stop what calls me, what thrives within me, what makes me whole? For what? To make others stop talking about me? To hope others MIGHT take me seriously? I find it funny that those who disagree with my life are the very ones who, no matter what, will never take me seriously, but when push comes to shove, will come to me when they need it most and I have NEVER turned my cheek. It’s the nature of the beast and I can’t and will never stop that. I will never stop helping those I love and care about, even if they cannot respect or understand the journey I am on. But I will not stop talking. I will not stop writing. It’s what I love to do. It’s my soul freeing itself from the chains of slavery inside this physical matter called a body.

Why, am I then, FIGHTING?

Yesterday I had a talk with a good friend of mine who reached out saying she wanted to help me on my path to a happier life. Without going into more detail, tonight after work I’m going to start what many would call a “dream board”.

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A dream board is a collection or collage of things that you want in your life that make you brilliantly happy. And if you could do or have something every day, put it on this board. It will help the person understand better by physically LOOKING at what you want, rather than dreaming it inside your head. Many project managers and marketing directors look to dream boards to help aid in the brainstorming process. I look forward to putting much together.

In the meantime, I will continue to keep my nose to the grindstone and get through each day with a happy and hopeful heart. Dreams are coming to reality, slowly BUT surely. I’ve never been more certain in my entire life that I am exactly where I need to be in life to be the best person I CAN be. I will NEVER go back to that state of darkness. Not for all the money in the world. Because that, my friends, is really playing with the devil. And the devil plays no part in my life, even if some think otherwise.

Suit Up!

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Wooo Woooo!!!

Well, talk about a major uplift! I got a SLEW of emails and private messages from people telling me in a way to rock on with mah bad self. That even at 41 years old, whatever can make me ding dong happy, DO IT. So, guess what kids? I’m gonna DO IT!

Okay, so what was my list again?

  • Dye hair a fun and VIBRANT color
  • Get long dread extensions
  • Nose Pierced
  • Tattoos on back and arms
  • Medical Piercing on my Ear for Migraines
  • Travel to different countries
  • Go to Bermuda for another honeymoon
  • Have High Tea with my girlfriends
  • Yoga AND Belly Dance on a Daily/Weekly Basis
  • Become a model
  • Learn Sacred Drumming
  • Buy and RV and go camping
  • Open a Red Tent
  • PHYSICALLY open up a New Age/Metaphysical store
  • Get my child into college (well, that’s gonna happen no matter what!)

Okay, so it looks like some of these can be done quickly, where others can be done gradually. So, let’s set it to a vote! What do you want to see this Hobbit do first???? I will give this until the end of this week and we will go from here – mind you, some of these will require some monetary funds, which may not be available right now, but heck, I sure as heck will start planning!!!!!!!

So, without further adieu….

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