Tag Archive | muse

Change…

I know I know, it’s been awhile since I’ve posted here.  Let’s just say the muse went on a vacation and she took a major sabbatical from my brain.  I don’t blame her.

Sitting here on this Sunday morning, I am looking around at all the trees, and noticing so many of them are still very green with most of their leaves still going strong.  And it’s October 30th *actually, it’s November 5th, it’s been a week since I typed this up and now I’m just getting to finish it *.  A bit unusual for this time of year, as the ending of the autumn season usually accompanies the falling of the leaves.  By early November, almost all the trees are bare. *actually, the trees are finally starting to change, and I have pictures of last Sunday versus this Sunday and see how they changed within 1 week*  And people say climate change isn’t real.  If people would stop for just a moment to see what our Earth is doing, they might actually agree.

(Our Sugar Maple)

(The Walnut Tree next door)

Change is everywhere in the air.  I am able to understand a little better now why I am feeling the blues hit me a little earlier than my normal time (which is usually between end of December to beginning of March).  The last time I felt the blues come on this early was 2008.  I was right on the cusp of a major life change.  The difference now than where I was in 2008, was that I am aware of the change.  Back then, my ego was still running the show, the MC of my life, so it allowed me blissful ignorance while I was doing my day to day activities.

The last few days I had been going over the life changes that were in store for me at the time I was unaware.  Who I was in 2008, is no longer on this plane of existence.  Like a leaf blowing in the wind before its final journey from tree to grass is complete, I said goodbye to that Bridget I once was.  Selfish, immature, narcissistic, egocentric, and living in the world of victim-hood, shedding those facets that made up of who I was, was challenging yet liberating.  I truly believed that once I shed that skin, the real Bridget would be out and I would then live my days in this new frame of existence.

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How silly I was to think that was to be the last change!

Yes, its true, we shed physically every 7-9 years.  Astrologically speaking, we go through major changes every 17-19 years.  Right now I’m smack in the middle of my second nodal return.  Changes I am going through are enough to keep me on my toes.  Honestly, up until a few weeks ago, I thought I was in a good place in all areas of my life.  Sure, there is ALWAYS room for improvement, but I guess I thought the majority of my life was pretty much it, and I was pretty content with that knowledge.  Who would have thought my ego was still peeking through?

I have learned through grace and humility that ego does not like to be wrong.  It wants to win every time.  Ego will fight when you try to change.  That’s all ego knows.  Instead of fighting the ego, love it.  Bless it.  Acknowledge it.  Then keep moving.  Spending more and more time with ego will cause backwards thinking, stagnancy and despair.  I know because I’ve done it.  That “Stuck” feeling we get from time to time?  Depression?  Anxiety?  That’s all ego is.  When we step away from it, we come closer to our true selves.

If you are a follower of me on Social Media, then you probably saw a post not too long ago about me feeling a shift of my Spirituality.  For almost 2 decades, I have felt a kinship and a love for Earth Spirituality.  Being in Communion with God out in Nature proved to be one of the most intense and deep loves that I felt in a long time.  When I officially walked away from the Catholic Church on December 21, 2012, I truly believed I found where I was supposed to be.  I studied so many religions and faiths over the years, Earth Spirituality was most definitely *the* path I felt called to be a part of.  And for over 20 years, it’s where my heart lied.  Until recently.

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Now, don’t get me wrong, my heart still lies there, just like it still lies with Catholicism in some ways.  When you emerge and align your body, mind and soul with a particular faith, you go all in.  Your whole world becomes taken over by it.  It’s literally like falling in love with someone.  Butterflies, a longing to be a part of them in every way.  I truly believe that’s how a person feels when they delve into a life change they have been craving to be a part of.  All the endorphins are finally released, creating a euphoric high within you.

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This is precisely how I have been feeling when I allowed myself to dive into Hinduism.

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What’s funny, is that for some time now, there were signs that I never bothered to take notice of.  From listening to Hindu music, Bollywood, just my overall love for Indian culture, yoga, meditation, Tibetan prayer flags (both Hindu and Buddhist) at home and at work, my sudden love for Lakshmi. Buddhas all around my home and at work (yes I know that’s Buddhist but humor me here).  Yes, the signs WERE there.  But I chose not to listen or look at them.  I had always been interested in Eastern Religions, as they go further back than Christianity and most other modern day religions.  But lately, Hinduism has been catching my eye, and most importantly, my heart.  Would you believe who I found in Hinduism?

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(Yup, that’s right….that’s Jesus)

The only thing I’m not sure if I feel comfortable with is the idea of an incarnation of Shiva, or Guru.  It’s different from being a Karmapa (a living incarnation of Buddha). There are many representations of Shiva who are considered enlightened Masters or Swami’s.  Sadly, I have read many of them have controversies that are aligned with them.  From overcharging people for retreats/enlightenment courses (some can run around $10,000 a week), to sexual assault, and deception.  I learned long ago that all religions have their bad eggs, so I shouldn’t be surprised by what I found.  One teacher I have found I feel connected to, and although his name isn’t without some controversy (that later proved to be false so please don’t go trying to dig stuff up, I already did my research), he came into my dreams this past week and told me to come to his Ashram.

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(Paramahamsa Sri Nithyananda otherwise known as Swamiji)

I was like, “What the heck is an Ashram?”  I had to Google it when I got up the next morning, and found it was a monastic community-like place where you go to pray with him. I’ve been reading up on his words and teachings, watching his videos, and quite frankly, there’s so much that he says that correlates with Jesus, it’s almost freaky to think they are kindred souls.  What I found was fascinating.  So many people have the impressions that Hindus believe and worship idols.  They do not.  They believe in ONE God.  One Divine Creator.  And within God, there are many dieties, enlightened masters, gurus, teachers, however you want to call them, that are the physical representations of God.  That they ask not to be worshipped, but to be called upon to help aid in our prayers going to God.  Sounds a lot like the Saints and Angels, doesn’t it?  The fact remains is that even practicing Earth Spirituality, I found Jesus, who has always been there since Day 1.  Moving onto a new path, I find Him again.  How Lakshmi is the representation of the Blessed Mother.  Different culture, same soul.  Does it mean I need to go back to Catholicism?  Heck no.  I love that I can continue to explore my profound and devout love through different cultures and different paths.  As I’ve said so many times, there are MANY paths to the top of the same mountain.

In the end, I feel that my journey in life is taking me down a new road.  I do not know if it will pan out, but I do know that in order for me to know, I need to do the walk. Bless.

 

 

 

 

 

Suit Up!

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Wooo Woooo!!!

Well, talk about a major uplift! I got a SLEW of emails and private messages from people telling me in a way to rock on with mah bad self. That even at 41 years old, whatever can make me ding dong happy, DO IT. So, guess what kids? I’m gonna DO IT!

Okay, so what was my list again?

  • Dye hair a fun and VIBRANT color
  • Get long dread extensions
  • Nose Pierced
  • Tattoos on back and arms
  • Medical Piercing on my Ear for Migraines
  • Travel to different countries
  • Go to Bermuda for another honeymoon
  • Have High Tea with my girlfriends
  • Yoga AND Belly Dance on a Daily/Weekly Basis
  • Become a model
  • Learn Sacred Drumming
  • Buy and RV and go camping
  • Open a Red Tent
  • PHYSICALLY open up a New Age/Metaphysical store
  • Get my child into college (well, that’s gonna happen no matter what!)

Okay, so it looks like some of these can be done quickly, where others can be done gradually. So, let’s set it to a vote! What do you want to see this Hobbit do first???? I will give this until the end of this week and we will go from here – mind you, some of these will require some monetary funds, which may not be available right now, but heck, I sure as heck will start planning!!!!!!!

So, without further adieu….

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Dreams Becoming Reality…

943181_10201141009552549_824780891_nOne of the great things about being in my 40’s is the ability to be wise enough to seek inspiration in finding my own true happiness. So much has happened since I turned the big 4-0 back in 2013. Living in an apartment since 2007, after completely uprooting myself and my son from the life we had known since 2001, life as I know it has been a struggle, most of it my own doing. I have dealt with hard times most people don’t know about. I had been privy to being awakened to my own horrific memories of times past that in turn caused the breakage of a relationship that I held dear. I had to take responsibility where before I literally scoffed at life, assuming someone would pick up the pieces and bail me out. The last decade has been anything but fun. But I wouldn’t change it for the world, because it brought me to where I am now.

Sometimes I feel whenever I am writing a new post, I have to reiterate stuff I went through. Well, that’s not going to happen anymore. There is no reason to go back into the past and rehash something that I am completely well aware of, and there is no need to bring it up in present conversation. Like I told my son, Timmy, just a few nights ago, when I unexpectedly got a message he was returning home a day early from his weekend away, that we can never ever go back into the past to fix our errors or correct our wrongs. And we are certainly not promised the next hour in our lives. All we have is the present. And the reason why it is called “present” is because it truly is a gift that we are given each moment we breathe. So many people take advantage of this gift, and it has been the core of my life to never be that person ever again. Moving on…

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So, what’s going on in my little end of the world? Well, a whole lot, actually! Today marks 30 days until me and Scott’s wedding day! I cannot believe it! It’s coming so fast! On top of all that, we are in the middle of looking for a new house. We are very much ready to move out of our apartment and lay our foundation down on a home we expect to settle into for many years to come.   Unfortunately, it doesn’t come without its limitations and road blocks. But, instead of getting angry and placing blame on everything under the sun, I am just going with the flow with the mindset that the home I am going to move into will come to me, and not a moment before hand. But, the human in me still feels down when I found a house and it’s been quickly grabbed by another. Tomorrow we are looking at two houses, with one looking very promising. Our goal is to be moving by the end of June, so even though there is no house yet, we have already started the beginning stages of prepping ourselves for this life change.

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As if marriage isn’t already a life-change in itself! Gah!

Over the last 6 months three women came into my life with such artistic musings, that my right brain went into overload! Two were musicians, and one is just someone on her own level that I can only pray to be 1/10th like her I would be blissfully happy. A couple months ago, I spoke of these two musicians, Alice DiMicele and Tret Fure, so although they are still in the heart of my creative hearts, there is a new person who came into my life recently that has taken my life for homesteading to a level I’ve always dreamt about.

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Today I want to talk about someone I have been following quietly and closely for the last few years, but only really hit me with the prospect of owning my own home again. Her name is Jackie and she runs her own homestead and herb farm out in San Clemente, California, with her husband, Dan (known as Lover). These two beautiful people are living a life I have only dreamed in my dreams of living. Her home consists of antique/second hand/lovingly worn furniture, with magnificent splashes of color all around the home, inside and out. Statues and pictures of spiritual beings; from Buddhist to Pagan to Catholic backgrounds. She is a devout follower of her own heart, consistently dreaming and creating new things for us YouTube viewers to salivate upon when a new video comes out. Her gardens are complex, yet simple; integrating tea herbs with vegetables, all blessed by beautiful statues of spiritual beings all throughout the gardens. Hand painted signs greeting those walking through, exhibiting such profound love and admiration for the world they have created. Cohabitating with their birds, chickens, cats and goats, it’s almost magical to see, and I have only seen through the eyes of my computer. I cannot even imagine how wonderful it must be when you are physically there. One thing that they have that I wish I didn’t have: NO SNOW. Even with the loud backdrop of the highway and military camp down the road, I would give my eye teeth to move to a place where I wouldn’t have to deal with snow again. But alas, this is where I live, and at least for the next 10-12 years, I need to call this home. In the meantime, I find myself mesmerized by her talks on herbs, spirituality, cooking, tinctures, health, gardening, and just life itself. I love that she loves Jesus and the Blessed Mother as I, yet follows the Wheel of the Year, like I do. She sees magic like I do, and it’s a rare find when you find those kindred souls who you just “get”, and they get you. Her bohemian lifestyle almost replicates what I have wanted to not only give to myself, but give to my family. The essence of complete womanhood, in the areas of being a Mother, Wife, Lover, Daughter, Sister, Aunt, and Friend is all I care about giving back. To be that person whose child’s friends come to when they need someone to talk to, or be that house that people want to come over to every weekend, or be the woman her children and nephews can learn horticulture from, that’s what I wish so much. To love yourself so completely and wholly to the point you radiate to others to be like-minded. To have that open/revolving door policy that I grew up on, is something I can officially see now in my future. To see that light, and to be able to watch through another’s eyes the things you know will come to pass in your life, is so wonderfully surreal. I can only pray I will meet this lovely lady one day, just to hug her and say thank you for helping me never forget my dream.

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Tomorrow night we are looking at more houses, as I stated earlier. Keep us in your thoughts during this time, that we will be able to finally grasp onto that dream now, and begin again.

Love,

Bridget

Theme Songs…

1238018_498629840212271_970819050_nA few years ago, I came across a musician and artist named Tret Fure, who truly changed the way I looked at music and life in general. Her outlook on life, whether through her eyes or the eyes of those around her, is on the cusp of being this magical reality I thought I was the only one that saw life this way. I have not found one song she has ever recorded that I haven’t like. I am touched beyond words myself with some of her writings, and how she brings them into her music. Whether she is talking about her wife, mother, an old school mate, or her hometown, so much of how she feels is how I see myself half the time. I suggest you take a look at her. She’s been in the music business longer than I can even say, and I almost feel slighted that at 40 years old, I am just finding her. But then, I am finding myself, so I guess all this cool stuff comes with the territory.

Other really great artists to mention:

Alice DiMicele
Heidi Talbot
Doug MacClean
Trinity DeMask

Below is one of Tret’s songs that I believe may be my new “theme” song. Although I am sure it means a specific meaning for her, to me, I see this song as to how life looks at me, and how I look right back. Unfortunately I could not find a video of the recording of this song anywhere, but below are the words. If you can, go to Pandora and look her up – or just save my Tret Fure radio station on your PC. My Profile is listed as Ms. Fae 

Leap of Faith: Tret Fure

Tomboy Records

It was a long road
It was a long time
It was a long way around this stuck mind
It was the way that I was looking
And the things I couldn’t see
And it was the way that you were looking at me

It was a late night
It was the late fall
It was a late hour to make a late call
It was the things that I was hearing
And the things I couldn’t see
And it was the way that you were looking at me

Sometimes it takes a miracle
Sometimes it takes a stand
Sometimes it’s quite empirical
And sometimes it’s so grand
But most of all it needs to be
A sudden leap of faith
It’s a leap of faith

It was a new dream
It was an old car
It was a back road
And a bright star
It was the things that I was feeling
And the things I couldn’t see
And it was the way that you were looking at me

Sometimes it’s rude awakenings
Sometimes…it’s about time
Sometimes the earth is shaking
Sometimes the world is mine
But most of all it needs to be
A sudden leap of faith
It’s a leap of faith

It was a lifeline
It was a long rest
It was a life long dream
And a hard test
It was the things that I was bearing
And the things I couldn’t see
And it was the way that you were looking at me

Sometimes it takes a miracle
Sometimes it takes a stand
Sometimes it’s quite empirical
And sometimes it’s so grand
But most of all it needs to be
A sudden leap of faith
It’s a leap of faith

And this is what I know
And this is what I see
It was the way that I was looking at me