Tag Archive | Peace

Trying To Move Forward in a Backwards World…

 

Ahhh, today is Memorial Day.  An important time to remember the citizens of my country who paid a price for our freedom.  I know for me, Memorial Day should not just be a United States Holiday.  It should be a Universal holiday.  Religious zealots, political prowess, bigotry, and all-around hatred has caused our little world to continually be turned upside down.  Thankfully, we are at the threshold of a new era – an era of peace.  Those who believe in prophecy (not religious, but universal), know that usually after generations of war always follows with generations of peace.  And we are coming down from the climax of war.  Yes, even though there is still hate and war out there, we have to admit to ourselves we are moving towards a turning point.  Think about this – 100 years ago…what was NOT allowed to be?  Being public with homosexuality, transgenderism, women’s rights, freedom from slavery, child labor laws…just to name a few.  To me, as I see it, it’s an insult on the people who died so that we may live, by living with hate, anger and resentment.  Sure, we have the freedom to do that, but think about it…is it REALLY freedom?

I look at the world today, and see so much growth happening.  And although I still get disgusted at the hate and bigotry that is STILL out there, it IS decreasing.  People are beginning to wake up!  They are witnessing the innate and absolute awe of loving unconditionally one another.  Leaving behind the uneducated, misled and arrogant stances of how other people live.  When we STOP worrying about how other people are living, we begin to love ourselves a little bit more.  And when we love ourselves more, that love begins to radiate out to the masses.  This has always been part of my journey, as I learned long ago that the continuous judgement where I am on the receiving end of that judgement, will only create more anger in those throwing that anger toward me.  I choose love.  That doesn’t mean I’m going to be a walking mat, no, it just means I choose love.  Jesus once talked about walking away from the Old Testament “Eye for an Eye” way of life, and instead, choose to turn the other cheek.

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Matthew 5:38-40 — “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for an eye, and tooth for a tooth’. But I tell you, do not resist an evil person.  If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.”

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Such a brilliant way to look at life.  When people choose to live their lives in hatred, judgement, bigotry, and an overall victim-hood mentality, walk away.  But walk away with love.  You can forgive those who hate you, spit at you and judge you, but doing it back to them only shows that you are just as bad as they.  Choose to walk away.  Now, 5-10 years ago, I would have lost my nerve and screamed and cried and made sure they knew how much they hurt me.  No more.  I listen, and tell them I’m so sorry they feel this way.  I’ve learned to know that I am an amazing woman who has flaws just like everyone else.  But I choose now to not use my flaws as ways to get out of things, or make excuses as to why I need to be “different”. Not my style.

Today my husband and I took a walk through our gardens.  We have been experiencing some really hot and humid weather, to the point that even my deep garden bedding experienced some tough challenges.  We talked about idea to make things better, and how to support the even living creatures and plants that now dwell back there.  Last week I put together a little bird bath made out of a ceramic potting base and an iron plant stand.  The robins and blue jays that have come to play back there now brings such a smile on my face.  I want the creatures to know that I not only build these sacred gardens for myself and those I love, but for them as well.  They need to eat too, you know!

Also, in my continuing lessons of humility, I started back up on my Celtic Devotional written by my dear friend, Cailtin Matthews.  Split into the four major Earth Holidays, each Sabbat/Season has a daily prayer for morning AND at night.  Solar and Lunar meditations, as well as additional blessings and prayers for everything under the sun.  I lost it during the move, so you could only imagine how happy to have it back on my person.

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I also realized some other things.  I’m not cut out for certain things in my life.  It’s a quite profound moment when you realize this.  When you are in an environment that is not healthy, everything around you will go down with you.  I realized this when I came to the conclusion of my failing health.  It’s funny how it began when it did, and how it is continuing to this day.  I continue to find ways to get better, and always try to look at the positive side of things.  It’s not good when you know of people who seem to think the worst of things, the worst of you, or just make assumptions that are clearly not true.

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I get it.  I don’t run with the “normal” crowd.  I don’t understand why it bothers people so much in what I believe in.  Apparently if you go to church but you are an unmitigated asshole, you’re still in better shape than me, a non-church goer who believes in doing good and being good. Apparently because I believe in things like angels and fairies, astrology and magical intentions, I’m doomed to eternal hell.  Does it make me sad?  Yes, I’m heartbroken that even at 42 I still get phone calls telling me that people I love are spreading assumptions about me because of their own fear or lack of understanding.  Should I resist?  No.  I’m not going to fight anymore.  I am simply turning the other cheek, because I know at the end of the day, I do it with love, and no one can take that away from me.

We need to work together.  All of us.  We need to STOP assuming the worst in everyone.  We need to STOP being so angry and resentful because your life may not be as happy as someone else. Make the most of your life.  The tiny things in this world can sometimes make the biggest impact.  To never give up hope even on the darkest of days.

Today my husband and my boys went for a walk through Blackrock Sanctuary.  Needed to be outside even on this hot day.  Being out in nature gives me a time, even for a moment, to realize what we have right in front of us.  And that to be grateful for these things will only give us more ability to move forward positively.  Be light.  Be love. Be magic.  Because all three is all around us.  But you’re only going to see it if you walk away from your chains of darkness.

Nursing the Possibilities…

The last several weekends have been incredibly busy, which has left me doing all sorts of gardening prep and maintenance on the week nights after work, which only provides me with a couple hours of sunlight.

(Potted a little over 70 seed pots, cannot wait to see what comes up! Each side is some Fennel and Calendula)

So, Sunday, I had promised myself that after all was said and done, this day would be the day to continue working with my seedlings, mow the lawn, and even shock the pool. Alas, it doesn’t look like much was going to happen yesterday, as the rain clouds, although not in one big clump, are sparse throughout the area, which is going to result in passing rain showers like every 20 minutes! But, Scott and I were busy-busy at keeping up with Mum Gaia as she spread her light showers. And we were totally okay with that, really. Mother Nature has a job she needs to do, and I firmly believe that we need to let her do it. She can most certainly live without us, however WE cannot live without HER!

(Excited to finally see my Roses and Morning Glories coming in to bloom, and that mystery daisy-looking plant finally flowered, and it’s Fleabane!  How exciting!)

So, the grass was mowed, and I got about 70+ seedlings planted in their starter pots. When I was finished, I stood in front of my little greenhouse, like a hovering new mother looking into the nursery. Maybe that’s why gardens and hospitals call these places “nursery”. We are nursing the things in that room to grow and thrive.


On another note, I’ve been keeping up with what’s going on astrologically. Mercury will be thankfully going out of retrograde status on May 22. But that still leaves 3 others in the retrograde phase. Mars, Saturn and Pluto.

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With Mars, we need to remember this is a good time to SLOW down. When we try hard to make things happen, things can backfire if you are not prepared. And especially with Mars AND Saturn being retrograde, you best remember this will most likely happen. Expect to work a little harder for things. (in my case, that’s just a normal day for me hahaha). And then you’ve got little Pluto out there, reminding us that now is the time to cleanse the inner most part of ourselves. To walk away from things and people who no longer serve our greater good. When you are awake, it can be acutely difficult to be around those who are still in a sleep mode. You continue to love them and wish them peace, but their own lack of ascending is only going to hinder your own journey. Take time to seek within. Sometimes we have to make decisions that may hurt others, but will bring YOU peace. And you know what? Sometimes, you HAVE to make that sacrifice. You cannot be 100% for others if you are not 100% for yourself. I’m not giving you the liberty to make decisions based on selfish desires, but more suggesting you take a hard look at the who’s and what’s in your life that are bringing your soul down. And when the soul ain’t happy, nothing else about you will be either. I know people close to me who are suffering, or making decisions just like this. And as hard as it is for them, it is for the best of all concerned. If anything, that is what these retrogrades are teaching us right now. Slow down, think about what is good in your life and stick with it. Think about what’s bad in your life and let it go. It’s really that simple, even if the action itself is difficult to finish.


I myself have had a lot to think about in the last couple weeks. It doesn’t make it easier that the retrogrades have been causing a bit of a riot in my own life. Things not going right, conversations being skewed, plans being rescheduled, etc etc etc….For me, it relates to a bigger picture in my life. What does one do when every part of your beings KNOWS a change needs to be made, and yet, outside forces and even my own brain is telling me, “no no no, it’s too risky”. To say I’m scared is an understatement. But I know the universe has a way of working things out for the betterment of all, and so I have to trust in it. Deep inside I know this is a time of great possibilities. And I just need to have faith, right?
Great possibilities. Like my garden. I look around, and see so much possibility. The potential for growth, harmony, existence, life and so on…like my own personal journey is reflected into what is the Sacred Gardens. Because my life is sacred. Our planet is Sacred. And my soul is the nursery. Tending and caring for its very existence to grow and thrive in this world.

(Where I am nestled tonight in quietude where the rest of my clan in watching Wrestling in the family room…I choose Enya, candlelight and warmth…Maybe time to make a cup of tea???)

Nature Therapy and the First Generation of the Sacred Gardens of Mabon House…

All I want to do is be at home in my gardens. If there was any addiction I wouldn’t mind having, it is the addiction to being outside in nature. Now, before any finger-pointing people start telling me no addiction is good for you – allow me to explain further. Trust me on this – I am an addict…so I know all about addiction.

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Addiction by definition is “An unusually great interest in something or a need to do or have something.” Over the years, I have been addicted to food and prescription pain medicine.  And because of that, we all know that when you hear someone who is “addicted” to something, one immediately jumps to the conclusion that something is wrong. I am here to tell you that even as an addict, this is not necessarily the case. Coming from an addictive personality myself, I can totally relate to the feeling of needing to have or want something that I crave.

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But that doesn’t necessarily mean that my feelings for that are malignant in nature. I mean, let’s face it – addiction of all kinds CAN be bad. That’s the truth. When you do one thing too much, it tends to lead to isolation from social interaction and impairs normal ranges of judgement. With things like drugs, alcohol, sex, food, continuously plaguing our world, it’s no wonder the word addiction has such a horrible stigma to the name.

And so, I have tried in earnest, to take my addictive personality, and use it towards something healthier. For me, it’s gardening.

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Years ago I had a dream to build a Goddess Permaculture Paradise Plan (or as I like to call it, the GP3 haha).  I never had a name for it until my friend Colette, who is the magical mistress at Bealtaine Cottage ( http://www.bealtainecottage.com ), coined the phrase “Goddess Permaculture Paradise”.  Unfortunately, in 2007, that dream was put on hold when my life was turned upside down and everything I once had, had been taken away from me. Here I am, 9 years later, and my dream is back on with a vengeance. An involuntary sabbatical that left me depressed but also more motivated than ever to refocus on my dream has presented itself in my new home, appropriately named, Mabon House.  If you are just reading my blogs for the first time, my husband Scott and I purchased this home in October 2015.  Since we follow the 8 Earth Festival holidays, we decided to name our home after the holiday we just celebrated, called Mabon, which means “Gratitude and Thanksgiving”.

(A little slice of our home, Mabon House)

Utilizing my friends Colette and Jacqueline (who are truly some of Gaia’s hand maidens) as my muses, I KNOW NOW, I have found my calling. Yup. Who knew? At 42 years old, I FINALLY found my calling.

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(Some areas of Bealtaine Cottage, one of my favorite places on Earth)

So, riddle me this, Hobbits…HOW do I proceed?

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(Mother Moon Monastery and Herb Farm, another favorite place I wish to visit – please check her website at http://www.moonmother.net )

When you are living paycheck to paycheck, it’s actually quite impossible to be “living the dream.” Yet, I cannot tell you how many self-help gurus, books, memes and everything else under the sun tell me that it CAN be done! Truth is, I DO believe this. I believe we are magical, spiritual beings that can do ANYTHING if we truly put our mind to it. And if it doesn’t happen, then it wasn’t meant to be AT THAT MOMENT. It doesn’t mean it won’t happen later down on your road of life. I’m living proof this has happened. And that the universe will surely reward for our love of trying and enduring the trials that come with it. I really do believe this. I teach this to people I mentor. Isn’t it funny though, when the teacher sometimes need to be taught?

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On Mother’s Day, the majority of my afternoon and evening was spent in my gardens. I say gardens because I am planning on having little gardens spread throughout the property.  (Please see my previous video blog on my quick tour around the back gardens).  On the following Tuesday, after an incredibly difficult day, I went to my favorite garden nursery (Renninger’s in Royersford, PA), and went on a little shopping spree since they were having a sale. And less than 30 minutes later, I was back in my gardens, tinkering and toiling. It’s my therapy. My NEEDED therapy.

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What’s in my garden, you ask? Oh dear Hobbits….have I got treats for you!

For the veggies, I’ve got String Beans, Sweet Peas, Russian Kale, Hugh’s Cabbage, Green Cabbage, Spinach, Broccoli, Cauliflower, 3 types of Tomatoes, 2 types of Onion, Leeks, Red Bell and Sweet Banana Peppers, Scallions, Beets, Nastercians, Eggplant, Blue Kale, Potatoes and Carrots.

In the fruit department, I’ve got Raspberries and Strawberries. And soon to be planting seeds from my organic lemons, because…why the hell not?

In the herbal/flower section, I’ve got Calendula, Italian Parsley, Dill, Basil, Sage, Thyme, Sweet Marjoram, Patchouli, Feverfew, Chamomile, Angelica, Lemon Balm, Lemon Verbena, Lavender, Passion Flower, Comfrey, Valerian Root, Purple Deadnettle, Plantain (not the banana type-the medicinal herb type) and Gladioli.

In the tree department I’ve got Dogwoods, Hawthorn (appropriated named The Fairy Wood), and Crab Apples. My Willow cuttings from Bealtaine Cottage in Ireland sadly didn’t make it over the winter, mainly because Linus pulled them out and ate them. Sigh…a little rascal, indeed.

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(my clever little rascal of a doggie, Linus VanPuggle)

On Thursday, after working half a day and getting some appointments done, I will be exactly where I am most happy – in my gardens. Do you know that every morning, I walk outside before leaving for work, letting my beloved plants know I will be back soon enough, then sit in the meditational nook and speak to my Mother, Gaia. Sometimes I call her Gaia, sometimes I call her Mary, sometimes I call her Lakshmi, but in the end, she is the same, she is One Mother. My Mother. Not to take away my own love for my Mom, Eileen, as my love for her swells past the ages, I don’t think she will ever understand the depth of unconditional love I have for her, even though we both make each other crazy. In the end, she is my Mother. And even though I don’t agree with things she believes in, if there is one thing I have taken from her teachings, it is to unconditionally love. This has been the greatest teaching she and my Father have given me. Something I once took for granted, and never again will question. This is truth buried beneath my very bones.

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The fact that for the next 3 ½ days I will be spending time in my gardens has made me squeal with such excitement. It’s funny how some people absolutely hate the thought of working in the garden or yard. For me, it is therapy. Deep therapy. And Mum Gaia is my therapist.

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I am excited also that you, my readers, will be joining me on this journey I have been talking about for how many years? And now it’s finally here. My heart swells. My cup runneth over.

Come, walk with me…

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(My lavender is beginning to flower)

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(Same as my lemon verbena…flowers=seeds!!!!)
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(Transplant babies. From seed to garden)
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(First flower of my Nastercians!)
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(Tomatoes and Passion Flower galore! )
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(My pretty Hibiscus I had to take home with me…)

Lessons in Forgiveness and Closing Chapters…

forgive1Today was a major lesson in strength and forgiveness.

Each one of us are given lessons, sometimes extremely difficult and impossibly humbling.  We can choose to accept these lessons by admitting our faults and discretions, while HOPEFULLY the consequences of our actions, whether they happened yesterday or 30 years ago, will only help us grow stronger in love, grace and overall, humility.  These last few years have proven just that.  And even in the midst of absolute despair, when the pain just becomes TOO much that some would rather roll over and blind themselves from the pain with alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, food, or whatever vice you need to mask that despair, I have chosen a different path.

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I choose forgiveness.

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See, what other people think of me is really none of my business.  And honestly? That’s a very hard thing for me to accept.  My ego has been bruised so much in the last 4 years I can’t even really begin to describe it.  In the last few years alone, I have been humbled more times than I can ever count, and am constantly reminded of things that I NOW know, were not of the understanding my actions were going to be detrimental in the years ahead.  See, when people go through a traumatic experience, it becomes acutely apparent that people “block” memories to avoid the pain.  I suffer from PTSD because of this.  Looking back at the years when my life was so troubled, I can understand how I had tried, sometimes embarrassingly, to get people to “like” me.  And when you utilize that desperation technique, it’s easy for others to see right through you. 4 years ago, those memories came back, and since that horrifying moment of regression, I have done everything I can to make amends of my past and who I hurt, even though I was a victim as well.  Well, today showed me beyond a shadow of a doubt, that trait no longer caters to my life.  The strands of victimhood no longer apply and I am voluntarily choosing to cut those strands from my life.

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If you know who you are, and know that deep down you are a good person, despite faults you made in the past, whether intentionally or unintentionally, and people who come and go in your life choose to hate you, despise you, belittle you, or whatever it is that they do to make you question your own self-worth, well then, my dears, the moment you put that apology out there is the moment you are finally free to let go.  If people choose to not accept your apology, or even worse, accept it, only to turn around and take it back, you need to remind yourself that it no longer applies to you.  It applies to them.  And then everything going forward becomes THEIR issues, and you can walk away with peace in your mind and in your heart.

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Today was a hard day.

Quite frankly, I’m heartbroken.  But that heartbreak will heal.  I will mend.  And the scars on my heart will provide stronger tissue that will make it harder to hurt me. I forgive those who choose hate over love.  Who choose anger over forgiveness.  Remember: How people treat you is a reflection of THEM, not you.  Something my husband and my Mom continue to drive into my head day after day.

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And with that, I am choosing to close a very, very sad chapter in my life, and moving on.  Because I deserve it.  And the people that know who I am, TRULY know who I am, deserve it.

In the end, I choose love.  I choose forgiveness.

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And I forgive you, for everything you have done to me.  May you be happy in the life you have chosen, and I wish you nothing but happiness in your heart, and peace in your soul.

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Happy New Year and Where I’ve Been…

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Okay. So check this out:

Over the course of the last month and the last time I posted something here (yes, you read it, MONTH), I have typed out about 6 blogs. SIX. Not one of them have been posted to my site.

Um, hello? Knock knock? Bridget? Whatcha doing over there?

Yeah. I know. I have been stagnant like 30 day old untreated pool water. Yuck.

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(me pretty much everyday)

What gives? It’s a good question. I appreciate the emails from some of my readers asking me where I was, if I was okay….etc. etc…I could easily tell you I’m fine…life is swell.

Truth is…it’s not. And that’s OKAY!

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(yes, I have been incredibly anti-social lately)

I wish I could be Miss Happy Girl 24/7, and don’t get me wrong, I really DO everything I can to achieve that on a daily basis.

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But, something’s up. And I know what it is. Right now, I’m going to keep it to myself until I feel it is the right time to throw it out for discussion.

There is nothing…and I really mean this…NOTHING, more heartbreaking than having a certain dream of something and knowing full well it is NEVER going to come true. In regards to my life, this goes in two different directions, but with similar things related to the main idea. It sucks. Truly. But having this knowledge does give me a sense of power, because at least I know, I can work around it. Or better yet, FIX IT.

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Over the course of this last month, though, I have been going through the natural stages of grief.  This came with some humbling knowledge that things I thought in my head were a certain way, were in fact, very much the opposite.

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Truth is, the goals I had 10 years ago are nowhere NEAR the goals I have today.  Heck, the goals I had 1 year ago no longer serve me as goal-worthy.  Not because I can’t achieve it; truth be told, you can achieve anything if you set your heart out to it…no, it’s because I no longer care, support,  nor want to be a part of that anymore.

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Kinda of like when you were a kid, and had a certain way of handling your things, or even just living your life, and then one day, you realize you’re no longer a kid, and that your desires are more “grown-up” and the kid-stuff no longer applies to you.

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Here’s the thing:  You don’t have to be going through puberty to understand this philosophy.

As humans, we naturally evolve based on our habitat, culture, and generation we are applied to.  Just as fads and trends change with each passing decade, so do your thoughts, feelings, and ideaology as well.  It’s what makes us such amazing beings.

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Last year, in fact, sometime around this part of the day on December 31st, I sat down in my little apartment and wrote out a piece of paper that had the following things:

GOALS FOR 2015

Continue down the path of authenticity

Write more

Get married

Buy a new house

The good news is, I achieved each one of these very goals.  YAY ME!

The bad news is, I’ve got a LONG way to go….

So, in order to really really achieve my authentic self, my blogging, my marriage, and my new home, I have to make a change.

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I know what this change is.  I feel it so strongly that I opened up to my parents, my husband, one of my Uncles and my best friend. Yeah, I don’t screw around…when making big changes, you don’t want those you are close to to be completely thrown off course.  Believe it or not, even if no one else has a right to dictate how you live, it is always a courtesey to make sure they at least KNOW what you are planning.  The shock value has all but disappeared, therefore creating less drama in your life.

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So, in light of my last blog and the things I’ve experienced the last few months, I’ve decided I’m making only ONE goal this year.  But oh boy, it’s a big one.  Look, I don’t like being a tease, and my readers know that one of the best forms of authenticity is it be as transparent as you can be.  Right now, I have a lot of things I need to think about.  My decisions I make at my age are never made in haste and are NEVER taken lightly.  But the thing is, the result of this goal is going to help continue to achieve the happiness and well-being of all the other goals I’ve ever set on.

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Truly, just writing this all out makes my decisions more real, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to chicken out on making my dreams come true.

No matter how crazy or unbelievable they are.

The last few decisions I made for myself that had the same desire surge from within me was knowing I wanted to marry my husband, buy a house, and walk away from certain people that no longer serve me.  Each one of those things has brought me nothing but blissful peace.

I can do this.  Hell yeah.  I’m so gonna do this!

Much Bohemian Love,

Bridget

The Ascension Series: Tough Time Ascending Today with Tough Symptoms…

13008_370339603096015_1639333944_nSo, let me tell you what happened to me today.

It is incredibly frustrating to try to put this all into words, so bear with me here.  I’ve been wanting to type this out all evening, but my laptop is not working correctly, so I am out on the main computer, where I am inundated with boxes and clutter galore, getting ready for some big changes ahead.

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(Me 9/2/2015…long day….Need much needed sleep now…)

Now, I know many of you have been reading up on the Ascension Process, and I hope that you have done more research as well as joined support groups that specialize in helping people through the big changes humanity is currently going through.

Now, for the naysayers, there’s no need to comment or criticize the things I say.  I already know there are some people who think I’m a big old whackadoodle, and that’s okay.  I am.  But, I’m a whackadoodle who gives a shit about this world and the people who live in it, so thank you for your opinions, but right now there are not necessarily needed.  I know many people do not believe in the Ascension process and the Awakening shifts.  It’s okay!  It’s hard to believe, I get it.  When people surround themselves with doctrines that does not allow room for growth, it’s almost impossible to believe in things out of the ordinary.  And maybe this is not the time for you to be going through what many others are dealing with.  It doesn’t make anyone better or worse, because all of our journeys are just that sacred, that no one, not even me, has a right to say what you believe in.

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The last several days I have been going through some inner turmoil when the Earth’s energy shifted around August 28th.  It’s been a pattern that many people have been seeing since the major shifts occurred around December of 2012.  And with the Blood/Supermoons surrounded the sacred Jewish holidays, prophecies have been foretold and let’s face it:  some of it is actually happening.  Our financial institutions are taking hits, the Karmic year I originally stated in one of my blogs at the beginning of the year is in full force.  What does this mean?  Look at China, Greece, Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, The Ferguson shootings, Police brutality, Ashley Madison, Earthquakes and Mudslides….It is indeed, a karmic year.  It means that things that people, governments, companies, banks, and other primary forces did wrong back in the day are kind of coming back to bite them in the tookus.  In Wicca, it’s the Wiccan Rede, in Christianity, it’s the Golden Rule.  Treat others the way you were meant to be treated.  Do unto others the way you do unto me.  The Three-Fold Law:  What you reap, you sow.  I’ve been saying this for years: “Board up your glass houses before throwing stones”…Jesus even stated in the Bible, “He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone…”

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Karma.

So, take this karmic year, add the energy shifts/gamma rays that the Earth is physically experiencing, as well as people’s spiritual philosophies are evolving, and you have a recipe for Ascension symptoms!  Today alone was brutal for me, as I’m about to explain what happen to myself in my own little world.

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The last several days have been tough.  I’ve been experiencing additional emotions that I already deal with on a daily basis.  What that means is that my patience, although already low, was felt more acutely.  I have been feeling nothing but tension in the air, even though there have been no reasons for my tension.  I have a happy home life, am madly in love, and am about to embark on an amazing journey that I haven’t had in my life since 2007.  So, life in all has been nice.  But why haven’t I been feeling it?  I’ve been feeling edgy, cranky, tired…oh my goodness…so tired!  You would think I was pregnant!  Falling asleep at 8pm and not being able to wake up the next day.  Or some nights I’m wide awake till near midnight and feel fully refreshed and ready to go at 5am!

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My chest has been tightening.  Not because of any physical pulmonary ailments.  No, stress, anxiety and overall chaos in my head have been giving me straight up panic attacks.  And even still, I wear a smile on my face and try to save face to those around me, because I don’t want what’s going on inside of me to become fodder for those who don’t care to or won’t understand.  People don’t think I don’t hear what is being said about me.  People who I thought loved and cared about me, really have hidden agendas.  As much as my own family hates to admit it to me, I’m glad my own family is honest enough to remind me I am still very much naïve and vulnerable to the attacks that go on behind my back.

And still I smile.

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Today, though…where to begin?  I woke up after finally getting a semi-decent night sleep.  I woke up only once for about 45 minutes, so to me that was a successful sleep.  Usually I can be up hours in the middle of the night.  If I had the ability to sleep in until 9-10 AM every day, I might consider that a decent sleep habit.  On my way to work I felt just sad.  I don’t know why.  I just felt sad.  I was thinking of the things I needed to do today at work, and although I was grateful I had no meetings today, and no crazy expectations that needed to be made, I still felt panicked about…something.  So, for the last 20 minutes of my drive, I cried.  For no reason other than I knew my body needed to release something.

BREATHE

Cut to getting into work.  I was sitting at my desk waiting for my computer to log on, when my chest started tightening again.  I felt ridiculously uncomfortable.  I was cold, then hot, then cold again.  Thank goodness no one else was near me.  I pulled my pant legs up and started fanning my knees.  Next thing I knew my legs became incredibly restless.  They were bobbing up and down and I couldn’t get them to stop.  I was literally gripping onto my arm skin, feeling like I needed to shed myself somehow.  Like the feeling of being in my own body was so debilitating.  What the hell was going on with me?  I started sweating and I felt like I was going to pass out.  I knew I was having another panic attack.  At this point I literally was thinking of the Clonzapin and Xanax that was sitting in my nightstand, knowing full well I hadn’t touched these pills in well over a year, and here I was contemplating driving home to grab some.  I felt desperate.  But I have been off my medication for over a year, and I am a better person because of it.  What was going on with me today, and most recently is a phenomena that I am not used to.  Our bodies are made to heal themselves, and there are plants, botanicals, weeds, oils, seeds and other natural products Gaia gave us on this Earth to utilize.  And ever since I started using them, I know my symptoms of what I deal with have dwindled.

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(Happy Me with some Kratom Tea)

But today, oy today was different.

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(We’re ascending baby! UGH)

I quick grabbed a cup of Kratom tea and drank it, while putting on some BiNaural Beats on YouTube, in hopes that my brain would calm herself down and allow my body to calm down.  It took 3 cups of tea and a respite out in my car at lunchtime to finally get that calm.  4 ½ hours, though, was pure torment.  I couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t do much but watch the time and pray that I could get outside and into nature to relieve myself of whatever toxins inside of me wanted out.  Even now, thinking about it, I don’t EVER want to feel what I went through this morning EVER again.  But most likely, I will.  Because it’s all part of the process.  If it means I need to detox myself physically, emotionally, spiritually and psychologically in order to achieve that feeling of completion with God, I’m going to do whatever I can, even if it means moving through hell and back.

JOURNEY

We have a UNIVERSAL DESIRE to want to complete our relationship with God.  The feeling of separation is so powerful anymore that thousands of people are feeling it.  I am in an amazing support group for people going through the Ascension process and apparently today was a rough day for MANY people.  All we can do is continue to rest our bodies and keep our minds and spirits calm.  Especially now that the veils between the world are beginning to thin with Autumn beginning, many are feeling the effects of that too.  But I know the world is going through great changes.  And we are part of these great changes.  And many times, great changes come great conflicts.  Our old consciousness…the ego itself…is dying; and trust me, it’s not going down without a fight.  Why wouldn’t it want to put you through torment?  It doesn’t want to go!  And it’s going to make you think you NEED the ego!  You do NOT.  We are spiritual beings living a physical existence.  We GOT this.  Great pains we are going through, but can you only imagine the great rewards to sticking it out?

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Continue to love, people.  Continue to fight for your love and fight for your right to love.  We are all amazing light beings who are a part of the one true creator who makes us who we are.  Slowly we are ascending back to our creator.  We are traveling and leaving the 3rd dimension.  It’s not going to be easy.

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But then again, if it was easy, everyone would do it.  The hard, is what makes it so great.

Get some rest.  You don’t need to join a gym or a spa to get that respite.  Take a bath.  Anoint yourself with precious oils.  Meditate.  Drink herbal teas.  Listen to your favorite music.  Walk in the rain.  Keep your body cool. Wash your face.  Drink lots of water.  And remember:  You’re going to be just FINE.  I promise you that.  xoxo

namaste

Creating a Sacred Space…

 So, although this could be part of the Ascension Series, I’m going to make this a more universal post about this particular subject.

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What is a Sacred Space? Well, a sacred space is a place where you can go and get away from the world you live in, and quiet your mind, body and soul. This could be anywhere in or around your house, at your office, in your car, anywhere you can be where you can just be you and no one can bother you. Now, I would not suggest your car or office, as you want to be in a place of absolute peace, and I think many of us can agree the office or a car isn’t always very peaceful!

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(Photo Credit to Rabbit Moon Tarot )

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Some religious folk get nervous when you speak of sacred spaces because it possibly gives way to the possibility of idolatry outside of the worship of a person’s one true God. Well, the truth is, they are correct when it stands in their own personal belief. But, in the end, it is not for me to judge you or anyone else in this world as to what you should put in your sacred space. I know many Pagans, Witches, Wiccans, Buddhists, Hindus, and even Christians that have these special places they can go to quiet themselves down. Stop worrying about what society expects from you and focus on what makes you closer to your spirituality. You are doing this to honor YOU as being part of the vast Creation that is one with our Creator.  How you view that is your own personal opinion and NO ONE has a right to tell you if you are right or wrong!  As I have stated many times before, your relationship with God, however you view God (1 person, 3 person, several Dieties, a figmant of Light, the Christ Consciousness), is between YOU and GOD.

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There is nothing scary or freaky to have an altar in your home. Altar’s are not saved for Christianity alone; Hindu’s, Buddhist’s and Pagan individuals out there and the like also utilize altars and sacred spaces in their home.

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So, what makes up a Sacred Space? Below are some great ideas you can use to create one especially designed for you:

1. Special table or shelf that will be used as your sacred space ONLY

2. A nice tablecloth or runner

3. Statues, Crosses, symbols of your guides

4. Candles

5. Crystals

6. Incense

7. Holy Water

8. Chalices

9. Foods like berries and nuts

10. Outside nature elements (twigs, leaves, stones, flowers)

11. Pictures of the spiritual beings you connect to (iconography)

12. Prayer beads (rosaries, malas, etc)

13. Ritual tools (Athame, Healing wands, Prayer Feathers, Tarot or Oracle Decks, Tibetan Singing Bowls, Bells, Chimes, etc…)

14. Dream catchers

15. Specific items related to the guide you are connected to

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Now, these are but a few of the things I know people have used for their sacred spaces. If you decide you want to make an entire room a sacred space, then you have more luxuries in what you can put in there (furniture, pillows, tapestries, etc)…

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(My Personal Sacred Space in our Bedroom)

The best part about this is that there are NO rules when setting up your sacred space. Why? Because it is YOURS and yours alone! No one has a right to tell you how to decorate your home, or tell you how to dress, so why would you allow someone the right to tell you how to commune with your God? Below are a few of the Sacred Spaces I have in my home….(I am looking forward to finding my new Sacred Spaces next month when we are in our new place)…

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(Our family’s Sacred Space)

So, in all, creating a place in your home or outside or wherever you can go to communicate with your Creator, is a great tool in bringing yourself back to Spirit, and aligning yourself with your soul, giving you a much needed rest and respite from the days of being, well, human. Because being a human is NOT easy. And especially with everything going on right now, anything that will put my body, mind and spirit at peace is the way to go!

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(More of my personal indoor/outdoor Sacred Spaces)